Rishta for SIL

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Rishta for SIL

Well i think she was just using u when she needed ure help and advice and now she's just thrown u to the side. dont worry about it 2 much. I knw u feel sorry 4 her, but i wud just leave her 2 it, let her do wht she wants she a grown adult with a mind of her own and should b responsible enough to make her own decisions. Dont stress, at least u knw u have tried to help her, no 1 can ask anymore than that of u

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Re: Rishta for SIL

As Chameli said, if you don’t want to be reading about her sister in law then why don’t you just stay away from her thread instead of coming in to post your useless comments. If you can’t help someone then there’s no point adding insult to injury. Back off!

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Re: Rishta for SIL

You know "bhabhi and nand" is such a sensitive issue. And thinking abt the divorce and all your SIL has gonne through, I would keep my distance if I was you. I know you said you just wanna help her with her loneliness, but to be honest, when she will need ur help she will ask you. And considering the fact that you say that your relationship have been quite "cold" - I dont think its a good idea for you to involve.

I know that you feel she is treating you wrong and so on. But trust me, it takes two for tango. I'm sure she feels you are doing the exact same thing. Now I dont know, but are you related to ur SIL any other way apart from through hubby? - If not, I think you should be careful. Cuz although u are married to her brother, I think she might still find u as a "stranger". And finding a rishta, knowing the fact tht the first one didnt work out, can be a very very personal issue. I'm not married and nor divorced. But trust me, I wouldnt like my bhabhi to interfer in this matter at all unless she is asked. Your SIL is obviously not a teenager girl, and I'm pretty sure she can handle her stuff. Beside I'm pretty sure she is not just asking ur husband/her brother without a reason. He is her brother - and in desi community brothers have a say in a sisters life at any stage.

Keep your distance - and dont get offend by her behavior. People change drastically after emotinol hurt such as a divorce. It has not only "labelled" her as a divorced, but it has hurt "ego" too. Be only involve as far as your husband involves you.

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Re: Rishta for SIL

Im thinking that maybe she may be a bit embarrassed in front of you about this whole thing and that may be the reason why she may be uncomfortable discussing things with you.

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Re: Rishta for SIL

I think that she may not feel so comfortable talking to you about it. Big matters such as divorces can leave a person insecure and uncomfortable around others. I don't see why you should even worry about it. In a way, it's good that she doesn't involve you in such things. God forbid, later on, she may just turn around and blame you for something.

I need something to
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Re: Rishta for SIL

Thats true Aashi - if this is really bugging you, there is no reason to come and have a go at someone. Everyone is free to talk about whatever they want and if they want views and opinions, then its up to us to give it. If you dont want to express your views, just stay away from this thread!

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Re: Rishta for SIL

i have every right to express my feelings to her, so i have!

and i have given her my opinion on this matter therefore my comments arnt useless…and i’ll back off if i want to…

but thanks for ur useless comment on my approach, and for wasting ur post, u cud have pmmed me this comment…

happy reading…:hula:

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Re: Rishta for SIL

errr sweety, i have expressed my views fully, iv told her she has better things to do in life then ‘feel’ shes getting bullied by her SIL…she has a home and a hubby to look after…so y not devote all this to ur own family then waste it on others…:

:rolleyes:

I need something to
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Re: Rishta for SIL

Please guys, dont start fighting here.

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Re: Rishta for SIL

Aashi your posts make me laugh kasam :D

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Re: Rishta for SIL

^^

i laf myself reading them…

nothing like a lil sarcasm on the edge…:halo:

chameli ur a lil cutie, stuck with big problems…ur too innocent to be involved in all this hunny buns…jus let it go…:hula:

and enjoy life with hubby, lifes too short…dont loose ur hair over her…keep it nice for ur hubby..:stuck_out_tongue:

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Re: Rishta for SIL

Yar, waisay it happens between all sis in laws and daughter in laws. I mean i have probs with mine. I just give the cold shoulder to her. Just act as she does. If she is nice towards you, be nice towards her. If she's being nasty, just ignore and let it go - i cant be bothered with my SIL when she acts like that! I have no time for these ppl in my inlaws...

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Re: Rishta for SIL

I actually just realized that the reason that I feel a responsibilty towards SIL despite her cold and rude behavoiur is my hubby's expectations to me being a good person. and on top of that I try to be a super human by trying to forgive SIL for her past rudeness and expect that she behaves with me and hubby will think that I am super wife....

I guess I m just fooling myself

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Re: Rishta for SIL

I feel like that - oh Chameli, i have been through similar things so many times. But you know what, dont bother being so close with them. Ok, act nice infront of your hubby but if she is being like that - lift na do unko. Just concentrate on your life - these people are like that. Its only gonna make you feel worse. Now i have realised that if i give them a lot of attention and i dont get appreciated, i just dont care. We havent got time for their krap. You have your own life to worry about. Hope it works out for you Inshallah. Just concentrate yourself on your hubby and your own lives.

I need something to
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Re: Rishta for SIL

Well Chameli, I dont wanna be rude or anything at all :)

But really you are confusing me and your statements doesnt fit really. In the very first post you said you wanna help SIL with her loneliness and that is why you wanted to help her out with the rishta process without her asking you, right? So you were being the good old nice Bhabi and she was being the meany Nand and giving you the cold shoulder. Now you are saying, you think you are just doing it all for ur hubby, right? So basically you dont really care abt her loneliness, you just want your hubby to think "oh my wife is such a great human being" .. tsk tsk .. Thats just bad, infact it just proves that she is not using you, but you are using her indeed.

My suggestion for you is, stop being a "hypocrit" dear. If you cant forgive/forget what rudeness your SIL have exposed for you in the past, then stop being a "billi" with her. (Smiling at her face and rolling eyes when she looks away) You'll not only do a favor for urself, but also to ur SIL. I'm sure she will appreciate you a lot more once you stop acting "Mother Theresa" with her and open up with your real feelings.

I hope you dont feel offend, because its not my intend at all. I'm only making the "conclusions" out of your posts in this topic. I just want you to realize that you dont know yourself what you really want. So instead of being after your SIL and her behaviour, maybe you should look at yourself and focus on your own life.

And whatever problems you have with your SIL will InshAllah be solved in the future - BUT if you want a "healthy" realtionship with your SIL you need to talk to her abt her behaviour and what you feel. I am sure if your own sister was acting this way you would ask her why and how. You would talk to her.

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Re: Rishta for SIL

I think I didnt put things correct or maybe u just concluded that things are just extremely one sided and that a bhabi is either a billi type of hypocrite person or

Well the fact is that when u get married and have to accept ppl as family who are not always nice to you then u need to find a balance between how to be a good family member and how to keep ur distance at the same time.

In this case I do feel sorry for her loneliness and I do want her to be happy. However I think that if I did not feel a responsibility towards my hubby I would not feel inclined to participate in her ristha process so that I feel disappointed.

Anyhows, no need to explain it to you if you are not married and don’t know how it really looks like out there where you cant just be direct and say ‘sorry, cant help ya. Go find a rishta yourself. Though I feel sorry for ya’- one day when u will be in such a situation you will probably feel more emphaty for others in same situation.

But thanks for the advice anyways.

Have a nice day

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Re: Rishta for SIL

The thing is that I dont want to act nice in front of hubby and not do it when he isnt there. thats what she does and I really dont like it...

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Re: Rishta for SIL

I have heard this so much... but after experiencing some probs with ppl in my inlaws.... I feel that with some ppl u just can't talk things over and point their bad behavior or discuss your shortcomings in your behavior.... and with these ppl it just makes sense to have a kind behavior while maintaining a distance. and abt asking my own sister why and how.... yes we would do that but with SILs its a different deal. Someone once told me .... ur own bro and sister are ur own... reality is that ur bhabi is ur bhabi and ur her nand...u guys can be nice, and wonderful but u won't ever be sisters.... be kind, try to live in peace and harmony but don't expect what you give into a relationship.... plus different families have different cultures...my family culture can only be understood by my own sister.... and similarly .... my husband and his sister share the same family culture.... so be patient...be nice.... but mind your own business.....

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Re: Rishta for SIL

So chameli, have you mentioned this to your hubby? about how your SIL is being distant from you?

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Re: Rishta for SIL

chameli lisun to me…

i have a husband with no sisters…so i wudnt exactly know wot ur going thru…but i do have a teeny tiny idea…

ur hbby wont be able to live with or without u or his sister…he’ll rather die himself trying to save the both of u at the same time then pick one of u…

that SIL is his life as much as u r…u just have to ignore these petty things and move on pleaseeeee…and oh GAWD i pray for ehr to get married as soon as she can and move out of ur life for good…

remember love the things ur husband loves…care for them like there ur own and u’ll have him on ur side..:slight_smile:

there…:hoonh:…no sarcasm and no im NOT high…:stuck_out_tongue:

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