It has been a few months since SIL got divorced. She mailed hubby about potential rishtas and hubby spoke to me about them and I told him my opinion regarding this.
SIL didn’t involve me in all this for a while but when things were about to get started with one potential person she mailed both me and hubby and I mailed my opinion back to her as questions.
The same evening we were invited for dinner at her place along with her friend and she started talking about the issue addressing hubby and her friend while ignoring me.
I didn’t say anything while the conversation was going on.
Then hubby had to leave for some time and when I was alone with her and her friend and her friend started speaking to me about it and trying to get my opinion about it. It had turned out that the prospect guy didn’t have visa papers for this country so he got rejected.
In the period when SIL was mailing with hubby about rishtas and hubby spoke to me about it, I felt sorry for SIL and spoke to my sister about rishtas. If she knew somebody.
Also I spoke to this baji that both SIL and I have met together at a gathering and later got to know quiet well. So when I met this baji a few weeks back I asked her to let us know if she knew about any rishtas for SIL and she agreed to let us know.
So I told SIL that I had spoken to this baji about rishta and SIL just smiled and said OK.
So all in all SIL has not asked me to find a rishta for her and I have felt sorry for her lonliness and spoken to a few persons about it. And when she did speak about the issue at the dinner she didn’t address me at all.
And today she sent a mail that oh by the way, baji and her husband came over and they were saying salam. When I read the mail I was just thinking that SIL perhaps don’t want me to socialize with that baji because she usually would invite us over when having guests over whom we also know but she didn’t say anything even though she knew that I had spoken to baji about rishta and if we were there we might be able to talk more about it…
Perhaps I am too sensitive but considering the whole process it seems to me that she does not want me involved in her rishta process. I don’t know why I keep doing things for her when I feel sorry for her and she just is so cold in her behaviour….
Maybe she appreciates your help but doesnt feel so comfortable talking to your about her problems / concerns as u are her brother's wife.
She involved me to bits and details during her divorce process. In such an extent that she asked me to create a profile on this dating site she found her husband at and asked me to check on him…and that just a month before our wedding!
If u think that I am all interested in making profile at dating site to check out her ex husband then u got my message wrong.VERY WRONG!
I just meant to tell that she has involved me very much into details. though I didnt want to. and now she is behaving like she doesnt want to involve me. which is fine with me..but I just dont know how to balance out the fact that family should be there for each other and then distancing on these matters…
She involved me to bits and details during her divorce process. In such an extent that she asked me to create a profile on this dating site she found her husband at and asked me to check on him…and that just a month before our wedding!
So this sudden ‘distance’ is a bit weird..
Hmm ok. Maybe after a divorce she is just more cautious of involvin people in her personal life. Though you have a very close rishta with her but still maybe she is not that comfortable with you. When someone goes through a bad relationship or anything bad...for next time they are just more careful.
It's nice of you to feel her pain but you did your part and told her about talking to this other person regarding her rishta. If she was interested she would have talked it further with you but seems like she is not so just let it be. And try and keep your distance with her on such issues and maybe one day if she asks you why you are not participating than let her know how you feel about her behavior. If it is bothering you too much you can talk to her even right now about since you feel you had a comfortable relationship with her before so just ask her what her issue is now?.
Hmm ok. Maybe after a divorce she is just more cautious of involvin people in her personal life. Though you have a very close rishta with her but still maybe she is not that comfortable with you. When someone goes through a bad relationship or anything bad...for next time they are just more careful.
It's nice of you to feel her pain but you did your part and told her about talking to this other person regarding her rishta. If she was interested she would have talked it further with you but seems like she is not so just let it be. And try and keep your distance with her on such issues and maybe one day if she asks you why you are not participating than let her know how you feel about her behavior. If it is bothering you too much you can talk to her even right now about since you feel you had a comfortable relationship with her before so just ask her what her issue is now?.
Actually I have never had a comfortable relationship with her. She created much fuss for me but did in ways that my hybby never got to know what was going on.
I just feel sorry for her lonlieness and wanted to help her finding a good man. She sometimes seems very naïve and I fear that somebody can just misuse her with regard to marriage.
On the other hand I have actually experienced myself that she is not that naïve as she might seem or look like and therefore maybe I am not being a bad person if I don’t assist her in her rishta search.
The thing is that hubby and were thinking to invite this baji and her husband over and then invite SIL too so we could promote the rishta thing..but when she invited them over and didn’t invite us it just seems like she would rather have her things going without us..unless she needs help
^ hmm ok before you said something else....now its a different story! Maybe she doesnt like you for whatever reason...its ok not every1 can like us rite so just keep out of her rishtas. newayz, if this is how she is than let her be like that but if she wants help of her bro than you should not have a problem with it :).
^ hmm ok before you said something else....now its a different story! Maybe she doesnt like you for whatever reason...its ok not every1 can like us rite so just keep out of her rishtas. newayz, if this is how she is than let her be like that but if she wants help of her bro than you should not have a problem with it :).
what I meant above was that her behaviour has changed with me. before she involved me in details and now she is keeping me out of everything. and in both ways she has used it against me.
u r right. i should keep out of it and just let hubby deal with it...though its difficult cuz hubby involves me by asking for my opinion...
^ than let your husband know about all this na...and if he already does know than he shud not involve u in it. But u can give him yr honest opinion and he shud keep it to himself.
my point was iv read a lot of ur posts alll of them revolving round ur SIL......lately all u do is complain and moan about how unfairly she treats you, her behaviour and attitude....seems ur obsessed about how u want her to treat u.....
cant u jus leave it alone.....if shes like that let her be, as long as ur ignoring her actions and concentrate on ur own family....get busy in ur own work life and ur home life.....i wouldnt be complaining to other ppl again n again of wots happened with my SIL, its ur problem sort it!
my point was iv read a lot of ur posts alll of them revolving round ur SIL......lately all u do is complain and moan about how unfairly she treats you, her behaviour and attitude....seems ur obsessed about how u want her to treat u.....
cant u jus leave it alone.....if shes like that let her be, as long as ur ignoring her actions and concentrate on ur own family....get busy in ur own work life and ur home life.....i wouldnt be complaining to other ppl again n again of wots happened with my SIL, its ur problem sort it!
Lately when??? I think the last time I wrote something was many many months back.
This forum is where I can write anonymously and thats why I can write about things going on...
If you dont want to read my posts its very easy to stay away from stuff posten by me. I dont understand why u read them in the first place if u r fed up with my posts.
And not all of my posts are about my SIL. I have postet about many other topics!
This post is more about getting to know how to balance out the fact that family should be there for each other and then distancing on matters like rishta search when a person doesnt seem interested in u helping out...
Aashi your comment actually hurt me cuz this is the only place I talk about issues with SIL. No family member or friends knows about this as I dont want to backbite her but since I can talk here anonymously I find it so much easier.
And your remark was rather provocing as I write about a lot more than just my SIL and the last threas about her must have been ages ago!!!
Aashi your comment actually hurt me cuz this is the only place I talk about issues with SIL. No family member or friends knows about this as I dont want to backbite her but since I can talk here anonymously I find it so much easier.
And your remark was rather provocing as I write about a lot more than just my SIL and the last threas about her must have been ages ago!!!
ur still backbiting with us about ur SIL, wer all humans behind the computer screens therefore its still regarded as backbiting, again no offence dear....
ur a little sponge of emotions........jus stop wasting ur time and life behind ur SIL, wots important is UR life with ur hubby....concentrate all this extra emotion on him, u'll find its very useful...:)
ur still backbiting with us about ur SIL, wer all humans behind the computer screens therefore its still regarded as backbiting, again no offence dear....
ur a little sponge of emotions........jus stop wasting ur time and life behind ur SIL, wots important is UR life with ur hubby....concentrate all this extra emotion on him, u'll find its very useful...:)
I dont consider it backbiting when u dont know her name or my name. its just like going to therapy and tlking about somebody who has hurt u. the scholars say that this kind of conversation is not backbiting.
Yes I am a sensitive soul and maybe thats y I wanted to help her in the first place.
IF I was you I would be happy if my SIL dont involve me with any of her stuff because no matter how good you are and trying really hard to get things sorted for her at the end of the day ''bhabi'' have to be blamed if anything goes wrong with the nand :)
IF I was you I would be happy if my SIL dont involve me with any of her stuff because no matter how good you are and trying really hard to get things sorted for her at the end of the day ''bhabi'' have to be blamed if anything goes wrong with the nand :)
