Rishta Demands

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Rishta Demands

Isn’t is usually the girls who aren’t goint go be working after marriage who ask for larger amounts? Even those from relatively poorer families? Or is expecting someone not to work or study and giving them no financial security whatsoever absolutely ok :confused:

I don’t remember anyone in this thread saying the whole house should be transferred into the wife’s name either but if she’s contributing to the household why shouldn’t she have at least a share of it?

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Re: Rishta Demands

If you own a house at the time marriage, your wife becomes a co-owner. She has share in your property automatically by being your wife. Look at the Islamic inheritance laws. If you were to croak one year into the marriage, she walks away with income and wealth and property you own. Not all but a portion is due to her so it follows that her name should be on your house.

Now if you don't put her name on your house, makes you a pretty irresponsible husband I think and if girls' families are giving you a hassle on this issue, they should. Your job is to provide and protect so yes providing your wife a DURABLE property that would allow her to have shelter and your kids shelter after your death is basic common sense - especially if you're preventing her from working and buying assets of her own.

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Re: Rishta Demands

Sounds like you don't own a house, but then you need to find a way to reassure the girl and her family that she will be taken care of financially and she won't end up homeless kicked out by in laws in the event of your demise. This may seem unfair from a guy's standpoint but that's your wife and future kids we are talking about - why wouldn't you want to provide them with security??

Greed from a girls side is demanding stuff she doesn't need like 10 gold sets or 500k in cash or something ridiculous.

People assume a 10k-20k haq mehr is greedy but if you have a good job as a guy...your salary may be what? 80-100k and if you calculate cost of living, 20k wouldn't last long for the girl. It would give her maybe some ability to resettle and look for a job. Add to that if she is carrying your child - even more garbage behavior to not send her off with some proper security.

These women do your cleaning and cooking for free - they don't ask for a salary so if you divorce them you should be promising something in compensation for all the work they did for you.

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Re: Rishta Demands

lol do you have sisters, yusuf? Your concern might be right, but your choice of words is extremely poor. Every parent thinks their daughter is worth a million. That doesn't mean that haq mehr is a girl's fair market value. If you're confused about the concept of mehr, please see a molvi and clarify the significance behind it.

Different families have different norms. In my family, haq mehr is usually a set amount of gold that is given to the bride at nikah and it is hers to keep. Why gold? Because historically it's seen as a good investment. It keeps up with inflation and if you were to sell it down the road, you'd get something a little more than 32 Rs. These days you can't even buy a good plate of gol gappay with 32 Rs. It's ridiculous that some families think it is a sufficient amount of "security" for a girl.

Now most new brides don't sell their gold jewelry right away. It stays in the family, so to speak. I also know of a few examples where the husband/his family went through financial difficulty and the girl offered to sell her jewels to help them out. Also, why are you forgetting that a ton of desi girls work nowadays and they aren't so dependent on the guy for financial security. In fact, it is possible that she earns more than her husband in some cases.

I agree with you that people who decide on haq mehr based on cultural norms or showoff purposes are doing it with the wrong intention. Are there people (on both girl and guy's side) who are greedy and looking to make a profit out of any situation? Yes! Of course there are. But that's not the majority.

Since you pointed out that haq mehr should be an amount affordable by the husband "at the time of nikah", I just wanted to add that just like non-desis save their six month salary (or something along those lines) for an engagement ring, desi guys are also supposed to be saving up for haq mehr (within reason). Just like if you were planning a big purchase like a car or a house, you'd take some time out to plan it well and set some funds aside, marriage is a big commitment and you should be preparing ahead for the changes it brings.

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Re: Rishta Demands

^good points.

See what are you talking about? All the girls here have posted level grade points. Now if a guy is kanjoos what can be said?

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Re: Rishta Demands

Correction...he doesn't own ANYTHING. Never mind that fact that many men manage to own at least a car....if not their first home/apartment/town home by their late 20's/early 30's.....but not OP. But he's ready for the responsibility of a wife and possibly child[ren].

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Re: Rishta Demands

Just for example living in USA, we earn money, high or low, we rent in big cities, if we get divorced in USA, the girl always gets a pretty good amount of what the husband owns and earns either way, and that too for a long time after the marriage. Dunno what the security fear is, if anything men need to make sure they have a prenuptial agreement that is fair to both sides before marriage.

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Re: Rishta Demands

Yusuf Sahib sooner you realize that Marraige is a Partnership like any other Business, and Islam teaches us that in making marraige decisions one always is considerate of the economic status of the other party! and Pre-Nuptial Agreement is a must, which in reality is the Haq Mehr. it protects both parties.
the sooner you will find yourself a wife Insha Allah!

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Re: Rishta Demands

I agree with the OP regarding the house. I would never be comfortable putting 1/2 a million dollar house on the girl's name if I am doing an arranged marriage. From what I gather, there is pretty limited interaction in arranged marriage and getting to know the partner in detail so you can trust him/her happens later and takes time. No person in their right mind should do that.

But at the same time, there must be a decent amount of Haq Mehr provided upfront.

And as for PCGs comment, there are other ways to show that you are committed to the girl and relationship than just putting the name on the property papers

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Re: Rishta Demands

I got my mehr the night of my rukhsati in full.

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Re: Rishta Demands

Mehr should always be a reasonable amount.

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Re: Rishta Demands

The price of the house is totally irrelevant in this thread since OP doesn't own a home. But generally, men who can afford to own a $500,000 house aren't going to come to GS and whine about how they can't afford haq mehr. Men like that either pay the $ b/c they can afford it or if they're irritated enough with desi families, simply go on to marry a non-desi.

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Re: Rishta Demands

I am just taking him on his word like I take any other poster since thats what he said was the demand of the girl's family. I don't know if he is making stuff up or trolling.

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Re: Rishta Demands

When you kids grow up and get married and realize this lady you married isn't a blow up doll made of flesh, then you'll be adding her name to everything. She is your family. If you view her as such --> happy marriage. You give her no rights and you don't share anything with her in terms of what you're worth, 1. She prolly won't marry you and 2. Even if she does get ready for anger and resentment....needless to say those marriages end in disasters.

You guys call yourselves mard...unbelievable, no sense of responsibility in having a family so then don't get married. Just date and sleep around because that's what you want out of shaadi - a free sex partner with no strings attached.

At least a prostitute would get paid.

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Re: Rishta Demands

Reminds me of this one rishta. He has money and thinks he is some financial king (I'm like ok that's fine I probably make more but whatever). He asked I sign a prenup, and i asked him to move on. Guy liked me so much he came around like 3 more times saying he will forgive me the prenup. I said listen you love your wealth, I don't care for my money. Never asked anyone to sign a prenup. So we clearly don't share the same values. He told me he makes a lot then I told him how much I make and then.... Silence.

Idiots.

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Re: Rishta Demands

What frustrates me is that girls put in so much into relationships without expecting any compensation - the cooking the cleaning (even when the wife works she still does all that) and then birthing kids.

What's the $$ worth of pregnancy and birthing a kid and all the medical complications and risks that go with that.

Is someone gonna pay me for the urinary and fecal incpntinence I will have from pelvic floor dusfunction when I'm older? Is there a clause in a prenup for that?

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Re: Rishta Demands

Furthermore do I get to charge vaginal rent charges for regular interactions with my husband, if he won't put my name on his assets?

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Re: Rishta Demands

^
Don't have kids then. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who'd be okay with not having kids at all.

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Re: Rishta Demands

Why do we make simple things so complicated? Decide whether you want a relationship with a person or his/her possessions. If one has to demand security for their daughters before rishta is even decided, they are making a bad deal. You know when this thing will end? When parents start teaching their girls to become financially independent. When they stop thinking of them as someone's amaanat or a burden on themselves. This security talk is BS! It is not about security, parents don't want their daughters coming back home divorced. If the issue was security, then parents wouldn't be sending their abused daughters back to their susraal...

Our system and ways need an upgrade, big time!