What’s the deal with girls parents demanding huge amounts of Meher cash up front or a house put in her name. Seems like parents are selling their daughters by making ridiculously crazy demands. They say they will let them stay single unless someone can give her a substantial amount of money or property. What has the world come too.
Re: Rishta Demands
I've never heard of this. This really happen? What's meher? This apply to arrange marriages only?
I always seem to be outta the loop.
Re: Rishta Demands
What's "huge amounts" of cash?
If she's contributing to it the house should also be in her name imo..
Re: Rishta Demands
Who the heck are you talking to?
Re: Rishta Demands
I've never heard of this. This really happen? What's meher? This apply to arrange marriages only?
I always seem to be outta the loop.
Haq Mehr is the gift that the guy has to give the girl...preferably prior to the wedding. Islam has set this as the girl's right and she can even choose to forego it. It's her right to decide what that gift should be, but of course decency requires that it not be something exorbitant that would make it difficult for the guy and be a potential source of contention at a later point. But whether one chooses to be reasonable is another matter altogether and a very subjective one.
Re: Rishta Demands
I have not met a single married woman who's gotten her mehr even if it's tiny. Who the heck are you hanging out with??
I do think Mehr needs to be enough for modern day standards and not like a couple of rupees like my mother's. My dad has treated her to more expensive dinners but no mehr in sight lol.
I guess Mehrs have been so abysmally small that women are realizing a couple of hundred of rupees are not a safeguard at all. Mothers just don't want their daughters to be helpless like they have been.
Re: Rishta Demands
I have not met a single married woman who's gotten her mehr even if it's tiny. Who the heck are you hanging out with??
If you haven't met a single woman who actually received the haq mehr she was promised......provided that it was a reasonable and very manageable amount......then I see that as a poor reflection on the guys. Islam has set it as a right and we should try to fulfill the rights of others. From my understanding, the girl has the right to waive the haq mehr if she so chooses, not the guy's.
Re: Rishta Demands
What's the deal with girls parents demanding huge amounts of Meher cash up front or a house put in her name. Seems like parents are selling their daughters by making ridiculously crazy demands. They say they will let them stay single unless someone can give her a substantial amount of money or property. What has the world come too.
Haq Mehr is a required legal islamic right of every married woman (and it can be in form of cash/land/jewlery etc..). The amount is to be arrived at through negotiation tween the marrying couple (i guess families as is the norm in pakistan).
Its given to the woman for her financial protection and the custom of symbolically absurd amounts (like 32 rupees or a few thousand rupees) make a mockery of an essential Islamic right. If one is to follow the spirit of the law ... the amount needs to be enough to provide a woman financial viability for a few months in the current times.
- if you think the amounts being requested are too great you can always refuse to marry the girl.
- the part i highlighted is downright rude and insulting to the girl and her family. what would you prefer? that a girl be handed to you, along with massive mounts of jaheiz that she must bring and mountains of expectation that you and you family will bury her under .... so you can do with her as you please without a recourse? I Thank GOD that islam is a fair religion that looks out for the well being of the woman.
- if you can not live up to the clearly defined religious marital requirements then dont get married until you can.
Re: Rishta Demands
Haq Mehr is a required legal islamic right of every married woman (and it can be in form of cash/land/jewlery etc..). The amount is to be arrived at through negotiation tween the marrying couple (i guess families as is the norm in pakistan). Its given to the woman for her financial protection and the custom of symbolically absurd amounts (like 32 rupees or a few thousand rupees) make a mockery of an essential Islamic right. If one is to follow the spirit of the law ... the amount needs to be enough to provide a woman financial viability for a few months in the current times.
- if you think the amounts being requested are too great you can always refuse to marry the girl.
- the part i highlighted is downright rude and insulting to the girl and her family. what would you prefer? that a girl be handed to you, along with massive mounts of jaheiz that she must bring and mountains of expectation that you and you family will bury her under .... so you can do with her as you please without a recourse? I Thank GOD that islam is a fair religion that looks out for the well being of the woman.
- if you can not live up to the clearly defined religious marital requirements then dont get married until you can.
what would you say would be a fair amount nowadays for mehr in USA? What should it cover essentially? Housing/rent, food, clothes?
Also I may be mistaken but is there another mehr or something in islam which you have to give your wife incase of divorce?
Re: Rishta Demands
^Ehl,
I don't think we can assume or deduce that the OP is jahaiz-hungry when he never mentioned jahaiz in his post. My guess is that he's not against the concept of haq mehr, but rather that some girls may be asking for an exorbitant haq mehr. Even though certain things are left up to us....there's a reasonable and unreasonable way to approach it.
Speaking generally about jahaiz, I think the haq mehr is beautiful in that it sends people the message that a bride or a wife should not be viewed as a burden or "another mouth" to feed by the potential groom and his family.....as such thinking is what contributed toward the self-entitlement attitude which led to demanding of jahaiz both prior to the marriage and after it. Haq mehr ...I think...also reinforces that a daughter is not to be seen as a burden. But unfortunately....despite having this protective measure in our religion....some Muslims today still expect/demand a dowry.
Re: Rishta Demands
If you haven't met a single woman who actually received the haq mehr she was promised......provided that it was a reasonable and very manageable amount......then I see that as a poor reflection on the guys. Islam has set it as a right and we should try to fulfill the rights of others. From my understanding, the girl has the right to waive the haq mehr if she so chooses, not the guy's.
It's rather strange to see how much people avoid giving it. Sometimes the amount is so little that the joota churai is more so avoiding something that only has symbolic value is really telling.
I've also seen it the other way around. My female cousin was getting nikahfied and the groom's father asked whether 2 and half lakhs pkr not inclusive of gold was okay. My uncle nodded and said to my dad it's not like we'll take it. So basically if there's a divorce people will do their damnest to have an equitable distribution of assets for their daughters but Allah's method of safeguarding is discarded as a mere formality. I find it kind of insulting as a Muslim.
Re: Rishta Demands
what would you say would be a fair amount nowadays for mehr in USA? What should it cover essentially? Housing/rent, food, clothes?
Also I may be mistaken but is there another mehr or something in islam which you have to give your wife incase of divorce?
I really dont know what a fair amount would be. its going to depend on a particular lifestyle one is trying to support and part of the country one is living in. So for example (these are random numbers) one family might be living on 5k/mo and another on 15k. I think thats where negotiation comes in ... the couple needs to negotiate whats reasonable and fair for them (gotta remember potential kids in this discussion too).
yea, haq mehr is divided into mu'ajjal (prompt) and muw'ajjal (deferred) ... the prompt bit is due right away ... 2nd part upon divorce or death. the ratio of prompt:deferred is also negotiable .... and a woman may forgive (though this is not recommended) her haq mehr if she wants.
Re: Rishta Demands
^Ehl,
I don't think we can assume or deduce that the OP is jahaiz-hungry when he never mentioned jahaiz in his post. My guess is that he's not against the concept of haq mehr, but rather that some girls may be asking for an exorbitant haq mehr. Even though certain things are left up to us....there's a reasonable and unreasonable way to approach it.
Speaking generally about jahaiz, I think the haq mehr is beautiful in that it sends people the message that a bride or a wife should not be viewed as a burden or "another mouth" to feed by the potential groom and his family.....as such thinking is what contributed toward the self-entitlement attitude which led to demanding of jahaiz both prior to the marriage and after it. Haq mehr ...I think...also reinforces that a daughter is not to be seen as a burden. But unfortunately....despite having this protective measure in our religion....some Muslims today still expect/demand a dowry.
RV ... i take serious issue with the tone and words used by the OP in describing the parents intentions and my response was and choice of words was/is to indicate my displeasure of his unpalatable thought process.
his complaint/view of the issue is unbalanced, unkind and uncalled for. Yes, some women/their families can/do demand exorbitant amounts ... but in this particular case OP did notdefine "a huge amount" .... for all we know ... perhaps its huge to OP and perfectly reasonable from perspective of parents? Regardless .... does it warrant OP to accuse parents of "selling" a daughter .... I wonder if he is aware of the implication of this words and the massive massive insult he has hurled at parents in general.
Re: Rishta Demands
Hmm. Par the amount will always seem reasonable to the girl and her parents though it may not be within the guy's means. I have heard that the haq mehr should not be an amount that is easily affordable for the guy....nor too extravagant that it becomes a hardship. I'm not trying to argue with you, Ehl. Op didn't have the best choice of words, but it seemed (to me anyway) more like he was frustrated than being derogatory toward women and their parents. I could be wrong too.
Re: Rishta Demands
damn better start saving money. So what I could think is someone who is lets say making 3G/yr would normally be asked for 7-10,000 in prompt mehr (unless of course girl forgoes it or agree to a ridiculous amount like 32 bucks which no one in their right mind would nowadays). And then delayed mehr later on top of that? Plus, no desi girl would want a wedding in a mosque. I told my mom I would marry in a mosque (no barat, mehndi etc coz I wanted to save money and she smacked me).
Mehr + Desi Wedding Expenses = File Bankruptcy
marriages are freakin expensive. Drive thru wedding in Vegas sounds more appealing to me day by day
Re: Rishta Demands
. Drive thru wedding in Vegas sounds more appealing to me day by day
And then 2 kids later when you're in the midst of a divorce, she takes you to the cleaners. :p
Re: Rishta Demands
And then 2 kids later when you're in the midst of a divorce, she takes you to the cleaners. :p
i am talking about a desi girl who somehow by my charming personality agree to have a drive thru wedding. Wouldn't that be awesome? After popping couple of kids and me treating her very well, she won't take me to the cleaners.
But even if she does, it would still be better than the one who I spent thousands on, popped 2 kids and in the end takes me to the cleaners any way :/
decisions, decisions lol
Re: Rishta Demands
^Tall order. But it’s okay…you’re allowed to dream. 
Re: Rishta Demands
oh come on RV, don’t be a debbie downer. Have you been to Vegas? its so much fun.
Re: Rishta Demands
oh come on RV, don't be a debbie downer. Have you been to Vegas? its so much fun.
Debbie's no downer, she's a realist okay!!?? That said...You may not have enough money for the wedding...after you squander....I mean gamble it all away. But it's okay, we don't have to know. What happens in Vegas can stay there.