Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
basically this is the condensed story....someone told my dad about this rishta my dad spoke to him 4-5 times on the phone. Me and him spoke for 3 weeks mainly through email and IM before he came to my house and got on very well really liked eachother and he seemed really keeen on me. My dad said that he would like to meet this boy ASAP, and if both parties like eachother than we can go ahead and talk on the phone and meet up and get to know eachother better.
He came to my house, whole fam seemed to love me, after he left he sent me a really nice message which was reassuring. I told him that if its ok for him to contact my dad and let him know that his fam are happy so me and him can get to know eachother with my dads blessing. He said he would.
Come today, he hasnt called. He spoke to me for like 10 mins today saying hes been busy and he would talk to me later...when he was talking to me it was really nice and positive. Im left feeling annoyed and confused.
Inspiron, I am in the same boat as you.
This guy's family visited 3 weeks ago. They liked us apparently. The guy chatted with me a few times. He seems to like the whole situation. The last we heard from the family was 10 days ago and after that only he and i have chatted, which our famileis dont know about yet. We have come to know much about each other. I too have started feeling that i am getting attached to him. He is playing safe but you know how we girls are. Anyway, i am just confused why havent the made the next move if they like us? i dont want to linger on and get myself attached and then get hurt later but i do want to know more about him and his family as well.
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Inspiron, I am in the same boat as you.
This guy's family visited 3 weeks ago. They liked us apparently. The guy chatted with me a few times. He seems to like the whole situation. The last we heard from the family was 10 days ago and after that only he and i have chatted, which our famileis dont know about yet. We have come to know much about each other. I too have started feeling that i am getting attached to him. He is playing safe but you know how we girls are. Anyway, i am just confused why havent the made the next move if they like us? i dont want to linger on and get myself attached and then get hurt later but i do want to know more about him and his family as well.
Oh my god we are very much in the same situation, which is sad for us yet comforting. I hope some of the posts in this thread helped you too!!
Its weird isnt it....they like you, you like them...but the families seem almost TOOO relaxed....eurgh im constantly on knife edge
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Oh my god we are very much in the same situation, which is sad for us yet comforting. I hope some of the posts in this thread helped you too!!
Its weird isnt it....they like you, you like them...but the families seem almost TOOO relaxed....eurgh im constantly on knife edge
This happens many times in thwe arranged marriages... we get too many proposals where both the parties seem to like each other (whether or not the guy is engaged in interaction with the girl directly or not).... and then the guys side just make the girl's side wait... If the guy is communicating with the girl in the meantime, girls obviously expect him to clear things.. If the guy is not communicating with the girl, the girl cannot do anything but wait. Since the guy is not the direct contact of girl (like her classfellow, colleague etc), the girl usually keeps guessing on the guy's side answer when the guy keeps on communicating with the girl but is not saying YES or NO upfront and straight forwadly...
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Even the most independent children are given opinions and views by their family members which is not wrong AT ALL...
Its just that you are being very impatient... but I can understand as I have been through such a situation where after getting a green signal in the initial stages, things just stopped after we went through the waiting periods for like 6 months and in the meantime my whole family kept guessing what could be the reason for this hold... and in the end things just dissolved with a sorry and move on note from the other side (the family was involved from the initial stages and it was purely an arranged thing)... I also wanted to get is cleared in the initial stages whether things were moving ahead or not because I didn't want to hang in the middle although there was not any other proposal which we planned to take up immediately in place of that proposal... Its really really nerve wrecking...
I advise you to keep your expectations lowest from the guy... If he comes back, you will be the happiest person on the eart INSHA ALLAH... and if Allah wants to give you someone better... he will not come back and you will have to deal with it...
So just relax and have full faith on ALLAH.... and always think that there are many other girls going through the same suituation and we all need to be strong and patient... If we like someone, we may not always get him unless and until he is best for us... In order to save you from the disappointment, I advise you to keep your expectations low and think that there might be a NO from his side (I am not making you pessimistic but just want to make it easy for you to let it go if things don't move ahead according to your desire).
This happens many times in thwe arranged marriages... we get too many proposals where both the parties seem to like each other (whether or not the guy is engaged in interaction with the girl directly or not).... and then the guys side just make the girl's side wait... If the guy is communicating with the girl in the meantime, girls obviously expect him to clear things.. If the guy is not communicating with the girl, the girl cannot do anything but wait. Since the guy is not the direct contact of girl (like her classfellow, colleague etc), the girl usually keeps guessing on the guy's side answer when the guy keeps on communicating with the girl but is not saying YES or NO upfront and straight forwadly...
It was quite the opposite in my rishta process... Ppl would send rishtas and stuff and the ppl would come to my house.... I was never home to meet any of the guys or their families because I left the decision to my mom and I assumed that they probably know enough about me to propose a rishta. They waited a day or two and we let them know that we weren't interested. Then comes along this one guy who is my brother's friend and I am his sister's friend.... tells me he likes me... send rishta and my mom immediately approves because she lovesssssssssss him and always wanted me to marry him. The end.
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Oh my god we are very much in the same situation, which is sad for us yet comforting. I hope some of the posts in this thread helped you too!!
Its weird isnt it....they like you, you like them...but the families seem almost TOOO relaxed....eurgh im constantly on knife edge
Oh yeah! families just disappear leaving the girl's side pondering. But i guess i am more relaxed, not fretting over it that much. You should relax. Do what i do..i read surah fatah once and 2 nafal qazaye hajaat after namaz. Just pray may God do the best for you and the family. You will be much more relaxed after leaving it on God completely. :)
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
To all you girls in such a situation, Pls DON'T let this be the be end of your life. I am experiencing my friend literally going thru hell (all fault of hers own, i must say) because of a similiar situation and i don't wish anyone at all to face the same. So don't pin such hopes from any particular rishta, it wl happen if it has to. There is more to life than marriage and being accepted by everyone we like.
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Update:
So i actually went against Sahars and Nomis advice.......now this wasnt out of disrespect for their advice because im pretty certain they are speaking from wise experience i really appreciated it and I still value any advice i get from them (and others)
When talking to him i started to get a feeling that he had actually sort of forgotten that he needed to call my parents....i know this sounds really weird but he was talking really happily and comfortably to me and asked how my parents were....so i took the risk and i said it....this is what i said...
'my parents are doing well thanks, im sorry to be a nag but they are getting a little anxious that you didnt like me or our family at all, i dont think this is the case so if you could just let my dad know when you get a few free minutes?'
and he was extremely apologetic and said hes been so drowned with work he lost track of time and lots of things have recently slipped his mind. I gave him the benefit of the doubt....but thought it was a bit weird....
but he did call dad today :) saying he will invite us over soon
BUTTTTTTTTTT:- im going to try and keep my guard up until he does invite us over.
Also my parents are being alot more overprotective than i thought they would....understandably maybe, they have said dont get too attached until we meet his mother.
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Inspiron, don't get attached at all until you guys meet the mother. Or at least no more than where you've already reached.
That's an outsider's view for you- someone who doesn't have much of a reason to be overprotective.
And all the best.
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Update:
So i actually went against Sahars and Nomis advice.......now this wasnt out of disrespect for their advice because im pretty certain they are speaking from wise experience i really appreciated it and I still value any advice i get from them (and others)
When talking to him i started to get a feeling that he had actually sort of forgotten that he needed to call my parents....i know this sounds really weird but he was talking really happily and comfortably to me and asked how my parents were....so i took the risk and i said it....this is what i said...
'my parents are doing well thanks, im sorry to be a nag but they are getting a little anxious that you didnt like me or our family at all, i dont think this is the case so if you could just let my dad know when you get a few free minutes?'
and he was extremely apologetic and said hes been so drowned with work he lost track of time and lots of things have recently slipped his mind. I gave him the benefit of the doubt....but thought it was a bit weird....
but he did call dad today :) saying he will invite us over soon
BUTTTTTTTTTT:- im going to try and keep my guard up until he does invite us over.
Also my parents are being alot more overprotective than i thought they would....understandably maybe, they have said dont get too attached until we meet his mother.
Inspiron u must be feeling relaxed and satisfied and at least some of ur confusion is over... But still do not get more attached... Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst...
Re: Rishta:confused about where i stand?
Inspiron u must be feeling relaxed and satisfied and at least some of ur confusion is over... But still do not get more attached... Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst...
Thankyou ashy and thankyou so much for your kind wishes and duas!