Been reading this forum for quite a while but finally decided to post!
Anyway the other day went to see a potential rishta and I found her quite attractive but everyone in my family says I am more attractive then her and that I should see some more rishtas (this is the 5th one ive seen) I dont know how much one should judge on looks? Also how many rishta do most people go and look at. I know one guy who went to look at like 60 rishta before he said yes to one of them. Being in the UK its difficult to keep going to look at other rishteys as I’m working during the week and then have to travel whereever the girl is. When is enough enough?
Re: rishta and how she looks!
if u found her attractive then why are you letting others tell you what to do? Sometimes people pass up good potential rishtas because they hoped to get something even better. Judging solely based on how attractive she is and how much more attractive you are compared to her is flawed in my opinion anyway.
also depends on how old u are, how in-demand you are, your family rep etc etc whether its ok for you to keep on exploring your options.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Your family should respect your wishes. If you found her attractive, then your family should give her a chance too. Have you communicated with her after the first meeting?
Also, you haven’t mentioned your circumstances. If you are not mature enough to make decisions about your life, perhaps you should wait a few more years before settling down.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
enough is enough NOW
there is no point disregarding girls because of someones idealistic view of matching beauty.
getting to know somebody will give you a much better idea of how attractive they really are... mentally
anyway, that wont be possible with every girl you meet but you can try to use the net and phone to find out about each other.
and as for no of rishta's
it could be one or it could be fifty million, until you come across someoone acceptable and who accepts you too.
good luck
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Why should it matter whether the others think you are more attractive than her or whether she is more attractive than you? People have different tastes so I don't think it's a good idea to base your decision on other people's opinions with regards to looks. If you found her attractive (and assuming she found you attractive as well) and everything else is okay then I would say go for it. I really don't like it when guys go looking at numerous rishtays before finally picking one. Shweetdreamz is right that a lot of people pass up good rishtays because they keep thinking they will get something "better".
Re: rishta and how she looks!
why can't you meet someone on your own? What are the skeletons in your closet that keep you from reaching out and trying to find someone you like?
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Desi families are like quick-sand. Everytime you try to get out (of their influence), they pull you back in.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Thanks for the replys...I didnt have the chance to really speak to her with the family there and all however she is coming to our house at some point and will hopefully chat to her then.....however another issue has just crept up in the last 10 mins. By pure coincidence I was speaking to a friend of my I used to go to university with and he actually knows the girl and says she is quite sweet HOWEVER he did tell me that she had a boyfriend when she was doind her a-levels. Now dont get me wrong in this day and age in the uk these things happen....I have only ever met one Pakistani girl who never had a boyfriend and she was my best freind.( i myself had 2 GF's at uni ...not at the same time but I also knew my limits....by that I mean i didnt go to all the bases) My problem is what if she did get a bit too promiscuous or even had quite a few BF in the last few years who knows what she could have got up to. now what do I do............? Help
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Good, not only she is sweet but she will be good in bed too. Things are working out for you (specially in the last 10 minutes)
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Well be careful...the good thing is she will go easy on you...the bad thing is...someguy from her uni (someone she calls bhaijaan) will walk upto you two one day and give you a wink after the pleasantries...;)
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Exactly my point...Ive been to weddings before where ex boyfriends of the girl are at the actuall wedding and there just laughing bascially saying been there done that.....I dont want her to be one of those!
Re: rishta and how she looks!
^ why should it matter. If you are the type of man who is stuck with what a girl did in her past, then it is best you don't marry her. Find someone your mom picks and don't do too much pro-active investigation.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Also, it cuts both ways. A girl who had had a few relationships in the past may not be wondering too much about 'what if' scenarios after she marries you. Because she has been through it.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
The point is my parents did find this rishta and that they were highly recommended by mutual friends and how shareef they are etc. Other girls my parents will find will probbaly be the same....think of all the girls u know...most of them at somepoint will have gone out with someone but as soon as they enter their house there all shareef and like 'oh what a good girl she is' etc etc.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
im sorry i replied to your post. dude! u have had two gf’s and u r worried about HER getting promiscous?
so …what if she went out with a guy and never was promiscuous and broke up with him and in order to get back at her he shows up at your wedding and says she went to bed with him…the same can apply to you as well…with BOTH gf’s showing up and claiming something even more promiscuous (wink wink)…
Re: rishta and how she looks!
So going out with a guy makes a girl 'not shareef'? you are only speculating, my friend. Why don't you ask her openly when she comes to your house for a chat.
Why do desis confuse sex with sharafat? They are two separate entities.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
yeah so u can either wait for a miracle where allah shows you the real shareef girl in a dream or you can take their words for face value.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
cambguy: listen, you are judging her character solely on what your friend has told you. YOu are not even sure if the information is authentic. I suggest you talk to her and discuss things. Especially, you have been in relationships yourself. So, stop accusing her of anything since you have no proof.
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Trust me…shareefpana is relative. All guys/gals are shareef in desi parents’ eyes. I can tell you stories of hijabans and “shareef girls” that would make the Penthouse letters seem like scripture…and I am sure same goes for guys. Don’t get hung up on someone’s past, it will fk up your future. FG is right..
Re: rishta and how she looks!
Whoever you marry there will most likely always be some guy whos been there. Its just that you may not know it.