Many a times some of our relations go sour. Its not that we don’t talk to them anymore..they just become kind of monotonous & boring .. and eventually loveless.
This is some what the situation with me & my fiance. Right after we got engaged, we communicated so much via emails, chats, iphone apps, phone calls etc. and during those days had lots of arguments as well that eventually the relation seems to be a little dried up. Now we hardly communicate, the conversations are boring & a little drag on sort and both of us hardly initiate the conversation.
Anyway, the fact is established that yes we will be getting married in a few months time, Insha Allah and maybe extra useless communication drained the fun out at a very early stage. Is there any way that it can be brought back? brought back in a way that i don’t become clingy and instead the relation is kind of fresh?
P.S we are not frank enough to be lovey dovey sorts. Its a pretty formal relation still.
Many a times some of our relations go sour. Its not that we don't talk to them anymore..they just become kind of monotonous & boring .. and eventually loveless.
This is some what the situation with me & my fiance. Right after we got engaged, we communicated so much via emails, chats, iphone apps, phone calls etc. and during those days had lots of arguments as well that eventually the relation seems to be a little dried up. Now we hardly communicate, the conversations are boring & a little drag on sort and both of us hardly initiate the conversation.
Anyway, the fact is established that yes we will be getting married in a few months time, Insha Allah and maybe extra useless communication drained the fun out at a very early stage. Is there any way that it can be brought back? brought back in a way that i don't become clingy and instead the relation is kind of fresh?
P.S we are not frank enough to be lovey dovey sorts. Its a pretty formal relation still.
Golden rule:
Never talk a lot before marriage.
You used up all emotions of talking/communication before marriage.
Now the first night will be a dead silent night. :(
You used up all emotions of talking/communication before marriage.
Now the first night will be a dead silent night. :(
We didnt talk about everything, there are lots of topics we haven't ever touched. Its just that we always knew what was going on in each other's lives and were in contact most of the times which made it monotonous and nothing new to know about kind.
Diwana bhai sahib she's asking what to do now...whats the use in telling her what she should have done?...its not like she can go back and change it :p
i dont think its about that....if he really found u uninteresting he wouldnt be marrying you...i think u both (especially ur fiance) are just extremely comfortable with each other (i.e. u both know ur there and ur going to be spending the rest of ur lives together) ...i dont think any of it will be boring once u start ur lives together
i dont think its about that....if he really found u uninteresting he wouldnt be marrying you...i think u both (especially ur fiance) are just extremely comfortable with each other (i.e. u both know ur there and ur going to be spending the rest of ur lives together) ...i dont think any of it will be boring once u start ur lives together
I don't think we are both there. We will be marrying and we do suit each other but both of us are hell scared for our prospects. I know when we will be together it will be fine, Insha Allah and will be good actually. But the time till then is a scary road. We are both waiting for the time to pass quietly so that when we are together it will be fine. For now, when you are distances apart a million issues tend to come due to long distance specially the mis-communications due to the mode of communication we adopt.
i personally think even if it is an arranged marriage there should be a certain connection/spark/attraction between the two and its foolish to assume things will get 'better' after you get married, if you really got nothing for this guy i say end it and wait/find the guy that you are on the same wavelength
I think even if you're not in an arranged marriage situation, when reality hits then it is hard- I suppose instead of sharing how you both feel (most likely pretty nervous and scared) you're both just waiting for time to pass quickly.
Could you not use the wedding as a chance to reconnect- discuss what you both want, talk about what is going to happen and when, maybe jokily tell him you're getting a bit nervous...it might help him to share how he's feeling?
Or alternatively if he's not that sort of person then throw yourself into other things to try and distract yourself?
I had a really rushed wedding in the sense that I didn't have a lot of time to prepare and over think things but even then it was hard accepting the fact I was actually getting married. I argued a lot with my family over petty things and I think it was just nerves- do you think it's the same for you?
Arguments are pretty normal in a healthy relationship.. everyone has different approach to life. If a person falls -out of love..there isn't much you can do to change that.
I don't think we are both there. We will be marrying and we do suit each other but both of us are hell scared for our prospects. I know when we will be together it will be fine, Insha Allah and will be good actually. But the time till then is a scary road. We are both waiting for the time to pass quietly so that when we are together it will be fine. For now, when you are distances apart a million issues tend to come due to long distance specially the mis-communications due to the mode of communication we adopt.
Right now its a confusing yet dry period.
very understandable. the prospect of marriage is quite intimidating. and on emails and phone calls you aren't actually looking at the person's facial expressions to judge what did he/she say - like were they serious or was something said entirely in humor. things can always get badly misinterpreted and lead to silly arguments.
both of you are scared at the moment because in your mind you keep thinking if i would say this it could brew into another issuee...thus your relationship has become very formal and monotonous ..i would say give it time !
just get yourself busy in this exciting pre wedding prep time...when it would pass you would look back and regret if you didnt enjoy it! you would InshAllah have a life time with your fiance together ! Right now it would be best if you both keep minimal contact - not even forced conversations ! It would make both of you miss each other more and actually look forward to the time when you get married ! Meanwhile have fun with your siblings parents and friends and enjoy this singlehood period .... hehe we all look back and be nostalgic about it later ;)
I think excessive arguments in any relationship will ruin it. Disagreeing with each other's point of view is to an extent okay but always arguing about it is not. I think where you are now, you really need to think of starting the relationship all over again. Start with a new fresh conversation. Talk about preps of the wedding. Tell him what you would like to wear, how you would like things done and listen to his opinions. And if you don't agree, please don't argue.
You both are obviously marrying each other because you want to. I am sure no one is forcing you so its your job to make it work and keep it exciting. Like Gina said, if you fall out of love you can't do much about it, so before you hit that point, bring it all all over again. Maybe you can plan honeymoon trip together. Tell him where you would like to go. Each time you go shopping, think about him. My husband would love me in this outfit, I would look good when I carry this purse.. etc. Avoid any topic that will lead to arguments. I am sure by now you must know what not to talk about.
IMHO, you should maintain minimal contact with him. It is not good to have a load of communication before marriage, because it vanishes the charm of marriage.
you will have married life when you can fight, love, fun, and argument.
fighting is not a bad thing in a relationship ....
if you feel you have to avoid certain topics to prevent fights that implies you have unsettled issues ..... men are not as dumb as we assume they know when we avoid topics to keep the calm , personally i love fighting with my fiance, its always good to get everything your feeling out there so he knows , he may not like it but he'l calm down and get over it or you wil get over it .....
i just think the loong distance between you too is making you feel you are growing apart, most arranged marriages are entered with a clear intention so it will be fine inshallah but if i were you i would be trying my best to spend more time with him before things are cemented in concrete .....
…you have whole life for that.
…we hardly had fun, it was seriousness most of the time 
that is why your relation became loveless. 