You've indentified the problem on your own.....that being the excessive contact in the beginning. You had OTHER interests in your life before you fiance came along. Maybe you liked reading, working out, traveling, making things, learning about certain things, socialized with a variety of people etc. Why do all those things have to come to a halt? And I've been there myself.....it's so very easy to get caught up and absorbed in something to the point that you forget about all these other things...but it's not healthy to be like that.
You don't have to call him every single day. Give him time to miss you....and that can't happen if you're always hovering around him. Let him be the one to contact you sometimes as well. Not saying that you should ignore him....but focus your attention to other things in your life as well that are a part of you...your family, your friends, your health, your spirituality, your hobbies and interests.
Things becoming "dull" is one thing......but the frequent fights/arguments is a bit more serious. Maybe set a time limit for yourself and if things don't improve and only get worse in your relationship.......consider ending it. It will be painful...but it's easier to end an engagement than a wedding. In the end....it's YOU ...who knows your relationship, your needs, and your fiance better than we do. That said, we can't really tell you what to do...you have to gauge the temperature and state of things and decide for yourself what needs to be done. If you find that you are frequently arguing and left feeling hurt, ignored, etc....then it's not a healthy situation to be in.
I would say surprise him..maybe bring up a new topic of conversation next time he calls, tell him stupid jokes here and there, try and bring some change into your relation and some light humour. Instead of talking about your daily routines, maybe talk ab some other fun topics etc.
Plus, arguements happen in every relation. Accept that people have different point of views and accept them for who they are. Also, make sure to let THEM know that you have let go. For example, if I have an arguement with someone over some silly thing, sometimes I revisit that topic with them but this time I just laugh and make fun of myself for arguing over smtng so silly..it lets the other person know you have let go.
Trust me, when you guys are together, it'll be different. Plus you said you guys are still pretty formal with each other, hopefully once the two of you are married, you can be more frank and lovey dovey with each other :) There will be a novelty in living together!
I don't think we are both there. We will be marrying and we do suit each other but both of us are hell scared for our prospects. I know when we will be together it will be fine, Insha Allah and will be good actually. But the time till then is a scary road. We are both waiting for the time to pass quietly so that when we are together it will be fine. For now, when you are distances apart a million issues tend to come due to long distance specially the mis-communications due to the mode of communication we adopt.
Right now its a confusing yet dry period.
I am in the exact same situation as you :-/ except I'm nikkah-ed although it might as well be an engagement because he is in Pk and I'm in the states so we only talk on the phone or iphone msgs and see each other once a year. Wedding is not until end of next year so until then its a huge test of patience. We also get into a lot of arguments and fights to the point where sometimes there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel but when things calm down I realize its all because of the long distance because the cause of the fights is stupid.
The fights and arguments do ruin a relationship before it is given a fair chance. Basically its being in a relationship but without any of the good things associated with it like being there for each other and taking care of each other. Basically...its just a big mess and I would never recommend long distance to anyone :(
I too have been in a long 3yrs + engagement.. even though both of us in the same city, we don't really meet up, go out alone etc. It's more meet up when families meet else on phone/sms/or skype..
In hindsight, i'd recommend no one to have a long engagement - and if the situation is such that you do one major piece of advice would be to talk minimal. At start when all convo's go well you'd think oh what the this is fun, but after some time you'll find your relationship becomes a stalemate and very very very stagnant, and to avoid that I'd recommend adopt other hobbies/interests while you wait to get married.!
It's a big big big test of patience no doubt, I would have been engaged for over 4 yrs when I get married!! InshaAllah everyone's relationship will work out.
Oh and one other thing - don't be negative!! don't think that life after shaadi is what your going through now. Once your not restricted to religious aspect of things - just being infront of each other and then fighting helps a lot too :P!
