Let’s say you are the woman in a married couple. You both make almost equal amount of money. Both have equally bright career paths ahead of you. You decide to have children. In the 10th year of marriage you have TWO kids. Neither of you quit your job in those 10 years and sent the children to day-care centers.
The kids are 1 and 3 years old now. Both of you agree that it would be in the best interest of the whole family if one of you quits the job and stays home to raise the children until they are at least 10 years old. The husband expects YOU to stay home.
But, you are hesitant becaue it is a career job and you just don’t wana miss the industry for 8 to 10 years. This means you might have to start all over again in your late 30’s to early 40’s. But you also realize that the kids need someone at home. This won’t change even if they start going to school at age 5. You don’t want them to spend any time in after-school programs or with a hired caretaker at home. The ONLY ACCEPTABLE option is for one of the parents to be with the children until they are 10 years old.
Since you are hesitant, the husband agrees to quitting his job and putting his career on hold for the sake of family. My question to you is how would you feel about a husband not working and staying home raising children?.
there's actually a tribe in Balochistan where that happens, like the men stay at home.... i am forgetting the name... but my father was telling me abt that... i did a research paper on this topic :p
actually till the kids r young don think i'd wana work outside the house
not coz of this girl guy issue but just coz the care a mother can provide to her children, a father cannot...and vice versa....but its important for the mother to be with her children....
if the person wants to stay at home then sure he can, but i will want to for the kids anyway...we can always work from home, teach tuitions or somfin...daal roti ka kharcha toh nikal hi ayay ga aur kya chahiyay
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*Originally posted by irem: *
there's actually a tribe in Balochistan where that happens, like the men stay at home.... i am forgetting the name... but my father was telling me abt that... i did a research paper on this topic :p
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Irem no offense, but how come you have done a research paper on almost everything and on top of that you dont remember much about it. :)
Kaleem bhai, I never claimed to have done a research paper on everything. But I am a college student and during five yrs of college, had to take many humanities classes, almost half the classes I took were humanities classes, and in many of them i had to choose a topic and write a research paper on it as the final project…and whenever we were given a choice to choose the topic for a paper, I always chose it around some kind of combo of Islam/ Pakistan and sometimes also women. That is why some of the topics that are discusses on GS, I have already covered.
I do remember quite a bit about it, I just dont remember the name of the tribe. I can look it up though if you want me to.
Khayr mujhay ghalt bayani ker k kya mil jana hay its upto you to believe me and you don’t have to if you don’t want to
I think kids would need "both" parents not just one. On the other hand, I don't believe in "You do ALL the housework/kids and I do the job alone" so I wouldn't quit my career job neither would I want my husband to quit his because I know he won't like to just as I wouldn't...!
Why not divide all the roles, help each other with the housework and work part time since kids need both parents and it woudn't hurt your career...? Well this is what I'm planning to do after marriage since it makes perfect sense to me. If for some reason this isn't possible then I would say it all depends on how my husband is. I'm willing to leave the housework and kids to my husband if and only if he wants to and will do it as I would and take good care of the kids otherwise I would quit mine but even then I wouldn't wanna give up my career entirely!
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*Originally posted by CurruptAngel: *
Why not divide all the roles, help each other with the housework and work part time since kids need both parents
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the kids dont need a part time mom...they need a mother at home, they need a sense of feeling that when they get back from school, their moms gonna be at home....have a freshly made lunch ready, not something cooked over the weekend. They dont need a nanny to take care of them in the afternoons, they need a mother...whos gonna listen to them, about what happened to them at school.
I am not sayin that the wife's not allowed to work...but the kids definetly come first. Absolutely no comprimise on their upbringing....and its the mother they need at home, not a father, not anyone else.
I love the role of house husband. iNfact, I had opened a thread a while ago on house husbands. I just love spending early morning time at home so I can have few more hours of sleep. I don't mind cooking and now I have started to cook for the whole week. I will hire a cleaner to come and clean the house and put the dishes in the dish washer. Pitta bread and chappatis can be bought from any supermarket so I will have plenty of time to move in a sports car around town or even in the country side.
I am not sayin that the wife's not allowed to work...but the kids definetly come first. Absolutely no comprimise on their upbringing....and its the mother they need at home, not a father, not anyone else.
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Well you can disagree all you want, that was my personal opinion and I have my own reasons...the fact that I didn't recieve much time and love from my farher, I feel like an incomplete person... If I ever get married, I will marry a guy who will give time to my kids because according to my personal experience kids need 'both' parents....
Call me a conformist and daqyanoosi all you want, but some roles are reserved for mothers-precisely the roles that Sharaabi mentioned. I can never come to swallow the fact that a father would do all that.
Out of taleem-o-tarbiat, the tarbiat part is borne by the parents and more so by the mother. It appears all so natural to me at least.
Career-ambitious mothers..nah! Baad main bachay jab baatein karein gae to khud he lag pata jaega ke theek kia ke ghalat.
I think the question is not whether the kids need their mother or not. Ofcourse they do. The hypothetical question is, and I quote:
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
My question to you is how would you feel about a husband not working and staying home raising children?.
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My answer is "good for him". As someone raised in Pakistan, we are taught some basic rules of living lives, and part of it is that husband is the bread-earner and wife is taking care of the home and the kids. When we grow up in an educated atmosphere, we realize that this model may not be the ONLY model. We see a lot of families where both husband and wife are working. We have also been introduced to the concept of single mother, single dad and "stay-at-home-dad". Yes, its contrary to the historical roles we have seen in Pakistan, but if it works for a particular family situation, why not.
Based on how we have grown up, some will label the husband as a "failure", "loser", "jorru ka ghulaam" etc, but thats just our own bias. If the couple decides that the welfare of the kid requires a full-time parent at home, and they decide that wife should continue her job and husband should stay at home.. well thats their choice.
what ever works best for the kids, that shud matter the most. Be it a husband at home or a wife.
i have seen couples with reversed roles, worked out fine for them.
how do i feel about it?.. i dont feel there is anything wrong with it. as i said before.. whatever is in the best interest of the kids shud matter the most.
well for starters, the mother who snaps into it when her kid is 3 is not realistic. See, when the mother was giving birth and took prenatal leave, she was well aware of the fact she would have to breast feed her kid. OK, so she gave him formula, (for those who dont already realise the health benefits of mothers milk, thats a thread on its own), she already put that career first. And when she took maternity leave, obviously the family could afford that thats why they had the second. Now, the mother who sacrificed the first years of her childrens' lives obviouslly put career first. Putting career first means bringing compromise into raising her kids. If you can trust your kids with a total stranger, and be aware of the fact the worlds filled with molesters, wackos, and reported abusive caregivers, then obviously she doesnt realise the importance her children are to her. THe father could stay home, but the importance in this thread shouldnt be the role a father could/should play...its the mistake the parents made from teh start.
Wow i wrote a novel and still didnt get to the point...
Each kid is a generation and u think u can sacrifice that????Teach them values and priorities while they sit 24/7 behind V tv?
8 hrs a day in school and 4 hrs awake with mom/dad, who come home when they sleep, get ur priorities straight.
8hrs of their culture and parents here in toronto ask how they lost their children to society
Why is that 
:roman:
