I knew of a girl whose husband died in a airplane crash when she had 2 kids .. youngest was a girl age 4 months when that disaster happened.. she is a docter who never married again.. dedicating her life for her kids.. I often wondered is it a society taboo not to marry again when girls become widow at young age..or the decision is of girls.. is it possible as human beings to remain in that state for such a long period of ones life? I know as muslims we r encouraged to marry again .. but it seems we r too much presurized by our customs and traditions.. how is possible to look forward in life after break up of marriage in such a tragic way? should we encourage and help these people to start life one more time..
umm its not society.. most of the girls i know who were divorced or widowed at young age.. decided themselves to not marry again cuz they were not sure of how their new husband would treat their kids.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
umm its not society.. most of the girls i know who were divorced or widowed at young age.. decided themselves to not marry again cuz they were not sure of how their new husband would treat their kids.
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true.. but marriage is a gamble in itself.. its a judgment and going for it is better that shying off due to some unknown factors..
^ when it comes to ur kids.. no one likes to gamble :)
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
^ when it comes to ur kids.. no one likes to gamble :)
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hmm..so one single parent is not a gamble? question here is living widowed life for a long period of life is a sensible decision or not.. just a fear that new partner in life wont treat kids well is enough to live single.. there r so many examples where people have lived happily after remarriage..
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*Originally posted by Degas: *
hmm..so one single parent is not a gamble? question here is living widowed life for a long period of life is a sensible decision or not.. just a fear that new partner in life wont treat kids well is enough to live single.. there r so many examples where people have lived happily after remarriage..
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i am sure its not easy being single parent. but its much harder to see ur own life partner not being fair to kids. i am sure there are lot of examples where remarriage are successful ..lekin there is alwayz a doubt u know.. lucky are the ones who find that special someone twice in their lives.
I think its not so much as a question of "Supply" but "Demand". Even if the widow+single mom is willing to take a chance on re-marriage, there aren't too many guys out there who'd be willing to consider a girl-with-a-baggage. Getting a fresh virgin guy is next to impossible (as their moms will threaten WW-III) and a widower, especially if he is half-way decent and has some money, will again want a virgin for himself.
Most girls find it difficult to find a reasonable spouse first time around. Second time is infinitely more difficult. Not impossible, mind you. Just more difficult. I have seen widows re-marrying and enjoying happy marital bliss.
So far, I have only seen one widow with kids (2 kids) who remarried. Curiously enough, she remarried to the younger brother of her late husband. Her second husband is unanimously declared a "farishta" by all those who have met him. They have one more kid after this remarriage. The daughter from the first husband, who was four years old when her mother remarried, just got married herself last year. Absolutely no hang-ups or sociological or emotional issues. I guess, if handled properly, with Allah's blessings and a lot of luck, things can work out.
marriage isn't a gamble cos realistically its sunaat to get wed in one's life time and one who die's a bachlor his/her janazza isn't accepted
^ thats new to me. what if i was say like 17 or 18 n i die?,,, my janazah will not be accepted just cuz i am not married. plz do provide sources for ur answer.
well, we should encourage ppl to remarry in case one spouse dies ....but personally i'm not comfortable with this
i've seen at least four of these cases n Alhamdulillah all are ok n happy ....n i'm happy for them ....but i don't think i can encourage someone to do so coz God forbid if it ever comes to me ....i can't think of it ...!!!
as for societal pressure ....i don't care ....n neither did the above mentioned four cases ..!!!
My grandfather died when my mother was only 7 years old. My grandmother had 8 kids and all ranging in different age groups, she took care of them ALL. She saw to it that ALL of them had a great education and make something out of themselves. My grandmother had people ask for her but she refused to. Till this day she still does her own things and is a VERY strong woman. I mean she seen her husband get killed by the Yemeni CIA, then seen her other son get killed by the same people, then seen another one get killed. Mashallah, she is strong and has a great heart. :k: for my grandmother 
suroor_ca02
sorry if i offended u i'm just sharing with u people of what i have heard
^ no u didnt offend me.. i was just curious as to if u have any source to prove that point of urs. because honestly thats the first time i've heard such thing.
Re: remarriage for widows
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Degas: *
I knew of a girl whose husband died in a airplane crash when she had 2 kids .. youngest was a girl age 4 months when that disaster happened.. she is a docter who never married again.. dedicating her life for her kids.. I often wondered is it a society taboo not to marry again when girls become widow at young age..or the decision is of girls.. is it possible as human beings to remain in that state for such a long period of ones life? I know as muslims we r encouraged to marry again .. but it seems we r too much presurized by our customs and traditions.. how is possible to look forward in life after break up of marriage in such a tragic way? should we encourage and help these people to start life one more time..
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Its not a matter of ecouragement, its all about the customs we pass along to our kids. I know several desi divorced women who would love to get married but have a hard time finding guys who would be willing to accept them. I think even divorced women who have gone through all the hassles still want their sons to find girls who have not been divorved when its time to get them married. Its something that society continues to pass along just cause thats the way its been done in the past. Perhaps the question should be - would you marry a divorced woman with a kid, all other things been equal?
PS: replaced divorced with widowed, if thats the concern in the above.
I don't think one should remarry just to be married.
One should marry another because they want to, not because society decrees or family pressure.
Faisal?
Why is virginity an issue? Does that mean that a man is not desirable husband material because of his lack of his virginity?
Why assume the girl has baggage?
Should a woman consider a man wth baggage?
Why is it acceptable for a man to be unchaste?
Re: remarriage for widows
wow , i know one too 
, is she in england by any chance ?? 
When you are with someone especially in marriage and there is love involved in the relationship. Its impossible to forget your spouse and live life with someone else..
Khudakawasta if that happens to me i would rather live alone.
Why do men always think women need support of some male in their lives?
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*Originally posted by nia_khan: *
When you are with someone especially in marriage and there is love involved in the relationship. Its impossible to forget your spouse and live life with someone else..
Khudakawasta if that happens to me i would rather live alone.
Why do men always think women need support of some male in their lives?
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Its not just women who need support, so do men. Find me a wonderfully happy family where both parents are dead - the kids I have seen from these families have a lot of stress in their lives. The two (or even the extended) family members are support for when one of the other members is not fully functional. Otherwise, we would all just live by ourselves in the jungle.
subhanallah
Allah tests and gives strength
my salutes to ur grandmother maj 