Hi
Sorry I am a bit slow on responding to these threads
All I can say is that men in essence have the ability to compartmentalise things in such a way that I can easily justify that if they wish they can be so selfish and think only about themselves
I am from a conservative background and always always beleived that if I will never get into a relationship unless marriage is on the cards within a short period of time, and that it will be clear that it will be doen the right way
The point that I had been friends with him for 7 years and he knew my moral/social stance did nothing to deter him from what he wanted for his own selfish reasons. He knew I didn’t believe in relationships out of marriage
He was a sweet guy, rarely fought with me and neither did I, Would buy me gifts but what hurt the most was when he realised that i was getting pressure from left right and centre and he would pretend that nothing was wrong so that when we talked he would pretend totally ignore it..
It got to the point that 2 years down the line he did not have the strength in him to say that he didn’t want to get married and I had to break it off from him
What I realised later was that he made me feel guilty for asking things from him that I had a right to ask
His parents were over for holidays, he didn’t introduce me to them
He would go to friends and would not tell them about me
He would not pick up the phone when I called but would call me when he was bored
He would get angry when I spoke to him about the future
I am glad that I was strong in regards to my views on marriage and relationships that meant I preserved my own dignity but still…
In the end.. I knew that he would let ir drag as it was a long distance relationship and for my sanity I would have to make the decision of stopping contact.
I realised exactly a year later from when I stopped talking to him that he had a 1 month old kid and not sure what the situation but feels he was with the mother whilst he was in touch with me or soon after
Do I forgive him? no never.. do I pity him Yes! I think he will get his comeuppance some time soon
Was I at fault, hell yes! I saw the warning signs and I ignored them
Am I grateful now, Yes! Intensely grateful to ALLAH that he saved me from such a monster but I wished I hadn’t wasted 4 years of my 20’s either focused on him or going through the most wretched pain of losing my best friend/soul mate and realising he was a selfish example of a man
Things are better for me now and one thing is that when someone wants to be with you, he will do everything possible to be with you, he will marry you whatever his circumstances or ensure that he will marry you
I appreciate your situation is different and he has been burnt too but always remember to put yourself first, you can only truely love someone when you have respect for yourself