hey everyone…i just wanted to ask if anyone had an experience of a boyfriend or guy u liked who was reluctant to marry early even if he has a job?
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 yrs and mashallah it has been amazing…we get along amazingly well mashallah and are crazy abt each other…even better he is very sweet and very very caring…even after 2 years together he’s the type to pick up food on a weeknight at 3 am because i’m hungry…and bring it to my place which is a 30 min drive from his…lol…i’m very lucky mashallah…and we are both agreed on the fact that we do not want to marry young and in fact want to wait until we’re both settled and can afford a nice house and stuff…lol…but the thing is that i am not moving back to pakistan from london and we will be in a long distance relationship and his family lives in karachi while mine lives in lahore so even when he visits we wont be able to spend much time together which is a huge contrast from now…where we spend a lot of time together…mashallah we get along very well and love each others company…
long distance is hard so i suggested to him recently that maybe we shud think abt getting married in a year or 2. because the thing is he has been working for 5 yrs now and owns a house and car and stuff and lives a very comfortable life…its a different thing to support a wife but hez doing well enough that it wont be very hard…mashallah…i’m not interested in getting married soon but i have also seen lots of relationships destroyed because of it…his response to my suggestion was very negative and he took it very badly saying that we had an agreement not to get married soon etc…we actually fought abt it…
i’m not worried abt the fact that he wont marry me soon because i’m in no hurry but i’m a little worried abt the strong way he reacted…i wanted to know if anyone out there has had a similar expereince and shud i be worried…because i dont want to be in a relationship which has no future or someone who is not as committed as i am…i know that this guy is the man i wanna marry but i dont want to stay with him if he is so reluctant!! so plz any experiences???
he wants to get married when he has more money and can support me completely....at this stage i would also be contributing to the household....he believes that he shud be able to support me and the houselhold and any children completely without any help....thats when he wants to get married....
well technically theres no issue.....i dont want to get married soon either but it was his reaction which worried me a little bit.....and also because he was in a previous relationship where the girl pressured him into marrying him and he left her.......my worry is that maybe he's not that committed.....and i'm just wasting my time.....
^^ itz bitter to say but yes u r wasting ur time dear...a guy who wants to marry a girl, won't let her go,come what may..he would want to make her his life partner as soon as possible so that she does not get booked before and he might not lose hr...a guy who would not want to marry u would make 10000000 excuses, in whatever shape they are...
Hey, don't rush to conclusion. It could simply mea he wasn't expecting this and all of a sudden your like let's get married. So a big shock for him, being a guy and all and even being a girl your still willing to wait.. Everyone is diff and honestly your the best judge of your relationship.. age is just a number and just because he's shocked or is 30 it doesn't mean anything. For some ppl 23 is so old etc its who you are and how you think etc..
Give him some time, maybe he'll change his mind.. OR you can propose an engagement.. Maybe you can Propose :) Get down on one knee, the whole works. Pull a Monica on him!
23 and 27 are young but not very young either. May be you can go for just engagement and shadi can happen when he wants.
Plus you didnt mention if your families are involved too. If they are, then may be your parents can talk to his parents about engaging you both. You can tell the guy its not you forcing but its ur parents who are getting worried about you ;)
actually our parents arent involved at all.....we've both seen situations in our families where early involvement just led to huge maslas....we dont want to involve them until we know when we want to get married.....which is why i suggested maybe in a year we shud just talk to our parents just to let them u know i have a person in mind etc......and then meet each others families and so on.....the whole process takes quite some time as well and then planning a wedding takes time too so actually we wud end up getting married in 2 or 3 yrs from now! i pointed that out to him but he had a very negative reaction even to the idea of talking to his parents......i mean i dont want to rush him or anything and like i said i'm in no hurry....the age and all doesnt matter to me.....i dont mind getting married when i'm in my thirties.....i wud wait that long for him cuz like i said we are very well suited.....but i dont want to wait if nothins going to happen.....i wud rather finish it off and look for someone else.....instead of wasting years of my life with him with no future in mind....
^ yaar thats not good now. At least parents should have been involved. Long distance realtionships hardly works this way. I wish the guy is sincere with you and he is not playing around. As you said there is a gal in picture too. If you are friendly with your mom, then i would suggest let her know. or If you talk to any of his sister etc, then let her know.
Or tell the guy that you are getting proposals at home and its necessary to inform our parents now.
Just take it step by step, talk to him again in a few days, let him calm down.. OR let him move to Paki, he'll obviously miss you and might change his mind. Just don't pressure him to much, but do try to talk about it a little, I hope he brings up the topic himself Inshallah.
hahaa......even i dont want my parents involved rite now.....it gets very complicated because invariably the extended family gets involved as well and thats a mess especially since that committment hasnt been made as yet and as for telling him abt proposals i dont want to lie or force him into something......if i marry him under those conditions then if God forbid somethign were to happen he wud always feel liek i had pressured him into something he neevr wanted and i dont want to live like that....lol......
All you can do now is wait and see what his reaction is to the fight. He now knows where you stand on the issues and atleast that will never be an excuse on his end. No one but you know the situation best.
But I will tell you about my personal experience. I dated my fiance for 2 years .... we were in no rush to get married... neither of our parents put any pressure on us or anything. But it was he who took the step of first getting to know my family and then asking them for my hand in marriage personally. It was very important for both of us that our parents got involved ... it legitimizes the relationship and takes it to a more serious level. And the fact that it was he who wanted to do this..... showed me how serious he was and how committed he was.
My fiance is 27 years old as well. He has also been working for 5 years but doesn't own a house yet. Your bf seems to be in a much better position in this regard. That is a huge thing that he already has taken care off! Seems like he is doing just fine. My fiance knows that there are things that he still needs to accomplish before we get married (such as buying a place) ... but he also knew that he didnt want to loose me. Getting engaged to me was very important. 2 years is plenty enough time to properly get to know someone and come to a decision whether you want to marry them or not. He wanted my parents and family to know about him... he couldn't even tolerate the idea of my parents getting rishtaas for me.
You are right... it does take time for this whole process to take place. Getting the parents involved, baat paki, engagement, shaadi. By the time I get married I will probably be 27 years old and he will be 29. And inshAllah by then we will be more than ready and financially secure to get married.
Seems like you are thinking clearly about the situation tho.. just continue doing so and make smart decisions about your future and life based on how things pan out.
o dear
u know as far as i know men...they r always in hurry to get married with their love...but if there is any pro & issue they try to solve it out to make marriage faster than noth thinkiong abt it!!! i mean they will search ways for it & will be happy yo talk abt its arrangments & etc even if there is no money but they will wish to manage it to marriage way as they may affraid girl will recive proposals....also they will care that their love wont feel neg or will be in doubt abt her future & her relaxtion is most for them....
so i dont know realy...wish to talk regard ur pro with my hubby i also suggest u tell other gals to do same as men knows men mind better & they r more experince regard many guys they saw in life that if in ur case he is serious or not....
wish we all can help u...but dear im feeling worried u didnt share with ur mom freindly then now anything happen u dont have ur family support & it will take too much time....
also dear being to a relation where marriage doesnt have a clear scop when as a muslim girl ur scope is marriage seem to be dangerous while ur family doesnt know
All you can do now is wait and see what his reaction is to the fight. He now knows where you stand on the issues and atleast that will never be an excuse on his end. No one but you know the situation best.
But I will tell you about my personal experience. I dated my fiance for 2 years .... we were in no rush to get married... neither of our parents put any pressure on us or anything. But it was he who took the step of first getting to know my family and then asking them for my hand in marriage personally. It was very important for both of us that our parents got involved ... it legitimizes the relationship and takes it to a more serious level. And the fact that it was he who wanted to do this..... showed me how serious he was and how committed he was.
My fiance is 27 years old as well. He has also been working for 5 years but doesn't own a house yet. Your bf seems to be in a much better position in this regard. That is a huge thing that he already has taken care off! Seems like he is doing just fine. My fiance knows that there are things that he still needs to accomplish before we get married (such as buying a place) ... but he also knew that he didnt want to loose me. Getting engaged to me was very important. 2 years is plenty enough time to properly get to know someone and come to a decision whether you want to marry them or not. He wanted my parents and family to know about him... he couldn't even tolerate the idea of my parents getting rishtaas for me.
You are right... it does take time for this whole process to take place. Getting the parents involved, baat paki, engagement, shaadi. By the time I get married I will probably be 27 years old and he will be 29. And inshAllah by then we will be more than ready and financially secure to get married.
Seems like you are thinking clearly about the situation tho.. just continue doing so and make smart decisions about your future and life based on how things pan out.
wow....ure fiance sounds amazing mashallah!! i dont think he would mind getting engaged for a few years but the problem is my family.....they dont believe in engagements! and long distance engagement doesnt make sense.....just in case it doesnt work out there would a big hoopla....i'm not going to talk about this with him further.....hopefully once i move back and he sees how difficult it is he'll wise up himself and i guess the smartest thing to do would be to just wait it out.....and see how things stand in a year or so and then make a decision....if he feels just as strongly abt the whole thing even then.....i'll have to break it off and move on.....because i really do not want to be stuck in a situation with no future.....
thank you all for ure advice and if there are any experiences with such situations i would love to hear them....i dont really know how men behave in such situations!!! tahnks again!!