My dad’s cool. He listens to my questions IF I ever decide to have a debate on religion. However, my mom on the other side, gets annoyed. She would listen to me for a while, but when I question too much, she just tells me “mera dimagh na khaao”.
For example, she was fasting today becuase of 12 Rabi-Ul-Awal and doing khatam etc. When I told her that people have 2 different views on it, some say it’s ok but some say it’s not okay to celebrate Prophet Mohammad’s (PBUH) birthday, she told me it’s written in the ‘Panj-surah’ and therefore it’s right. I was like but that’s written by Pakistanis and they already do extra non-necessary stuff? And then I also told her how if Sahabi’s didn’t do that in Prophet’s (PBUH) life and he didn’t celebrate or command us to fast on this day, then why do it? And then at the end, she told me to be quiet as I wonder & question too much :-\
The point/question is not to discuss whether we should celebrate/fast because it’s Prophet’s (PBUH) birthday, but it’s rather Is it only my mom who gets annoyed and then at the end tells me to be quiet rather than explaining or answering or are you parents like that too?
^ i say, let people practise the way they want to. Dont tell them whats right or wrong... if your mum has always believed in something, then its most likely that she wont be changing her view any time soon. So just respect what she (or anyone else) believes in.. and let them be
as for ur question, yes, everyones parents get annoyed when u question too much.. infact anyone would. Its human nature... if u dont wanna fast, dont... let ur mum be happy
my mom’s the same way dont’ worry. my dad’s acutally a bit more openminded. i hate to admit this, but i’ve found that in my experience, the guys in my family are more willing to discuss different viewpoints whereas the women are like our mother, i.e., they don’t like to argue and just tlel u to go away if ur annoying them
Actually in my case, its very different. My mother is way too knowledgable about Islam than I can ever be. And if its an issue where she does not have enough knowledge, she will read up and get the answer. Whenever she travels (e.g. to stay with me) she will bring her set of books with her, and reads a lot. She is actually a great resource for people in our community to ask questions about Islam.
My father is also extremely learned, and although his views are much more liberal than my mother, they are also based on a lot of reading. Its always interesting to ask a borderline question where my father and mother disagree and see them bring reference upon reference from various books to prove their respective points. Sometimes these discussions will go on for days, with more evidence piled up during the after-dinner tabletalk. :)
Nahi yaar, ofcourse she's not doing something bad because except Eids, you can fast any day you want. Like I said before, that's not the issue.
The question was, as stated in bold, do your parents try to explain things until it's clear or after a while they give up when they have no answers and tell you to be quiet and just do it because we are told that way.
Well I mostly try to find answers on my own, through books or the net or from elders. My aunt is an Alima so she has a lot of knowledgeso i ask her to explain things to me, but if i feel something isnt right i do ask until satisfied about its authenticity.
Pakistanis sure seem to have added a lot of stuff to the religion like chaliswan etc after death while there is no such thing in Islam.
From my observation our elders seem to know a lot of things that was passed on by their elders but which they never really tried to find an answer for and accepted whatever was told to them. Like my Nani used to say that we shouldn’t cut nails at night. When i would ask kyon? she said bus humaray buzurg yehi kehtay thay
I guess aaj kal sawal jawab zyada honay luggay hain. Pehlay the kids just listened to their parents and believed what they were told, there was too much of respect and also a lot of distance between the parents and kids. Now we are more open with our parents so we ask them whatever we dont understand.
The best way i guess is to find answers on ur own and then discuss things in a general way without passing judgements.
Some people have this thinking of * hamary abba amma aur buzurgon nay kiya tha....wo ziada parhay likhay thay ...humaray ander itna ilm nahi hay ..iss liye andhi taqleed karo *
^ Bilkul theek kaha. I think this is the problem with our parent's generation and that's how they were brought up and that's how they will always be.
However, on the other hand, I hope to be more liberal and understanding when my children will ask me questions. Ofcourse there are some things that you don't question, just like that quote says don't put a question mark where Allah puts a period. But everything in Islam is there for a reason. There is answer to EVERY question. That's a different story that our parents don't know and instead of encouraging us to find the answer or saying I'll look into it and give you the answer, they simply say this is how it has been done, and this is how it will always be done. I hope I am not like that.
Angel Yes. You brought up a good example of chaaliswan. Pakistani Muslims have added so much stuff to Islam and made it even harder. Parents believe just because a book is published in Urdu, it's true because thousands of people read it and they know better than us. If it was wrong, they would bring it up and it would not be in the book. But just because more people are doing the wrong, that doesn't make it right.
shikra, when you have an annoying lttle brat who is forever asking questions sometimes its better (for the parent) to tell them to shut up and go away.
Parents do this especially well when they are not so clued up about a subject!
Shikra, I agree with what all of you are saying but do not forget that most of the people in Pakistan are following Hanfi school of thought and specially now a days even I have problem when I read something and was not able to find that the issue under discussion is following which scool of thought. There are some differences in all of them some stricly forbids one thing whereas the other do allow bassed of some example from Ahdees or Rawayat’s.
There is no harm in asking questions but remember that our parents were thought by whatever was available at that time (most of India Pakistan Hanfi Ladies learned things through “Bahistee Zaewar” a book written for that purpose). Our parent knew only about what Hanfi school of though think abd beleive in and they are not aware of what other school of thought says (was very simple to understand at that time). So not knowing the other point of view is possible. Try reading the book I mentioned above and many things will be clear to you.
I remember that when I argued to my parents first time about something they simply said that read about it and then come, we will clear the confusion, and that helped a lot. Next time I had to prepare myself before going to them.
wll i think u shouldn't be telling her what is right or wrong , it just two different perspective. i think paents shoudl dicuss those thing with thier children. my parents do and i love it coz it give more understind even thou one is against it. but if somebody is getting annoying then we shouldn't be telling them just stay quite is much better :)
Fasting on the 12th of rabi ul awal...hmmm. I thought u weren;t supposed to fast on this day just as u arent supposed to fast on eid.
As for the question asked...it's usually when someone has no explanation or reasoning for why they are doing what they are doing that they feel threatened when questioned about it. Sometimes they'll just brush you off at others they'll get touchy or defensive or even offensive.
Bookworm All these schools are confusing. There are five thousand different people who noted ahadeeth and most of them conflict each other They don’t even agree on one thing. But I was at our local masjid’s library and came across this book you mentioned: Bahishti Zewar. Nice book.
Insan I agree with you.
FF I was talking to my friend, who is our local Imam, today. He is an American born Pakistani who was educated in England. So he doesn’t follow Pakistani Islam blindly. He just smilied when I told him my conversation with my mom. Meaning he also thinks one shouldn’t celebrate this day but so many people do it and if you tell them it’s not encouraged, they get offended. So I guess we should just let them do whatever they are doing and we should do whatever we feel is right, ofcourse after some research.
CR Khaaney k ilaawa aur raat ko baba bann kar galiyon mein bethney k ilaawa aur kuch soojhta hai kia?
no my parents normally listen and in fact most of the times believe what I say
thats cuz they know that I know alot (partly cuz I went islamic school for a few years)…and also cuz I go circle every week. and now Im going to be head of Islamic Society at uni too.
so my point is …I think they would respect wot ur saying if you know wot ur talking about…and also if u practice Islam fully urself. I have seen certain people who dont even pray…but yet go around telling others about something which they are doing wrong…and then that person who they tell of says back to them “what can u say to me? you dont even pray urself…so u cant talk”.
so yeah, we should first get the knowledge, know what we’re talking about and then practice it ourselves. after that u will see the difference they will respect what u say and most times even agree to you
