Religious men

[Sara516]

Re: Religious men

^ That i agree with to an extent..

before marriage, desis will say anything to the other family to keep things okay.. its only after marriage that teh surprises out becoz hello, its not like she can leave him !! But then again, some things u gotta lie about to weed out the creeps.. I mean even my own parents want me to lie abt how I want to settle down and live in pak , when i really won’t.. :halo:

[KashmiriRainDrops]

Re: Religious men

Y wud someone want to "mould" their spouse!? U can't change a person, it's so silly when ppl say i will mould him or her...they r who they r and u shudn't be changing them to suit u.

And showing off ur partner is one thing (bad), but being proud of them for any reason is another (good).

About the original topic, i think Disco Duck is talking about arranged marriages (maybe not), so those men that she is talking about, yes they r very wrong for behaving like that. Change AFTER marriage is always gona end up in a mess, unless the person themself wants to change...only then will there be a solution. But yea, asking her to change into someone she isn't later on is WRONG, imo.

[skhan]

Re: Religious men

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

What evidence to support that? His marriage to Bibi Khadija (ra) was not arranged but I don’t recall anything to say it was a love marriage either. From what I read, they were both impressed with each other’s reputation for being honourable and virtuous.

Well one thing is certain, they didn’t have ammi abu to arrange it for them, so it’s not exactly an arranged marriage. Now unless you think it was a business agreement, there’s really no other option. People don’t just decide to marry each other for the heck of it. Yes you are right, they were impressed with each others honorable personality, which led to marriage. Or are love marriages only based on lust?

[Najim]

Re: Religious men

A woman thinks that man would change after marriage, he doesn't.
A man thinks woman wont change after marriage, she does.

Its natural for a compromising couple to mould themselve to others demands. What I have seen from my experience that women change more than a man after marraige. Men change too, women change a bit more.

As far as religious men marrying western girls, whats wrong with that? If a western girl is not ready for that then why would she even accept a Maulana as her husband? I'd blame both parties if one or both of them are not happy in a relationship.

On the other hand a Maulana of present age should know that a western girl is way different from a real paki girl (though they are not any different from western girls themselves). He should be prepared to accept the fact that she might have male friends, might have done something that is against the religion etc etc. Infact a Molvi shouldn't even marry a western girl unless she is a Hijaban herself.

[Minerva]

Re: Religious men

shadi na karo tow phir masla, shadi karo tow phir. You 've to suffer on both counts. You stand for your rights tow phir masla, you happily give in for the sake of others tow phir masla. tsk!

[AQ]

Re: Religious men

^
If you need to repent, repent after eating the Laddu :k:

[Mr_Darwin]

Why Secular Muslim Men Go Religious: A Warning to Women

@*Disco~Duck*

Right.

I have a bone to pick with you lot.

Why is that ‘most’ religious men are quite happy choosing a wife who is obviously not religious, she could be decked out in western attire and you can happily oggle at her and give her the green light. And THEN have the audacity to start initiating change after marriage.

SOME of you men have definetly ruined some lives out there. And some of you men have the cheek to suggest that you are ‘creating a place in jannah for yourselves’ by taking on the challenge of making a non religious person, religious.

HOW DARE YOU

Hi folks. I’m the new kid on the block.

I hope to make some new friends here; and I want to start by offering some general remarks on Disco~Duck’s observations on this important topic.

I’ve been raised in a British community where the kinds of ‘born-again’ nuts she mentions are quite commonly found. Not only is it awful for the women who find themselves bearing the brunt of their man’s sudden personality deformation – ‘deformation’ really is an appropriate descriptor here –, it tends to be quite common for friends and family of such girls to be most unsupportive of her plight, even going as far as to place the blame directly on her when he begins emotionally or physically abusing in response to her protests.

My thoughts on this are somewhat extensive, but as I’m not in the business of derailing threads with long-winded replies, I’ve sketched some basic ideas in my journal instead: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/journal.php?do=showentry&e=10884

What I’ve done here is to spill a few guarded secrets by this subset of men. I hope this will reach some women who may be considering a relationship or marriage with someone but might have concerns or worries about unexpectedly finding themselves in an awkward, even violent, situation with a newly zealous partner. In other words, how do you read your man up to the point you are able to recognise red flags whenever and wherever they crop up?

As they say in the print biz, here are the money 'grafs:

All this has a number of implications for the wife. From the guy’s point of view, nothing has changed insofar as his attitude to his wife is concerned. His wife will remain an instrument to his desires and whims to look ever better, in roughly the same way she was treated as a trophy wife prior to marriage. What has changed, however, is that rather than his previous mates representing the benchmark against which his reputation stood or fell, it is now the wider Muslim community, extending to family, distant Muslim friends and Muslim strangers, that serves as the criterion by which his standing and status is measured. From here onwards, the increasingly religious guy becomes predominantly concerned – sometimes to the point of obsession – with wielding control over his wife’s public behaviour: she must wear hijab at all times; she must not befriend Muslim girls without hijab, and she must absolutely not befriend any kaffir; if a male friend or colleague of the guy should enter the house, she must go to a separate room, and stay there until he leaves, unless she is called to serve him food or drink; she must not work, even if the guy is not able to financially support her, as she will end up being around kuffar at work, and they will look at her lustfully and tempt her to do wrong – i.e. women are weak, so she must be weak, and she will probably end up harassed by a kaffir; if she leaves the house, even with friends, she must tell him where she is at all times, and whatever she buys she must show him once she returns home.

Questions? Criticisms? Drop me a line.

[wunderkind]

Re: Religious men

what a troll

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Religious men

Mr. Darwin, thank you so very much for that excellent contribution!!!!!!!!!

[skhan]

Re: Religious men

Haha, Mr. Darwin great effort.

If you continue to contribute in a similar vein, rest assured you will get plenty of "lines" ;).

[CrashDummie]

Re: Religious men

Thanks Mr.Darwin, once I am done reading(a year later) I will drop a line

[shweetdreamz]

Re: Religious men

mr. darwin....very very very very very impressive. im actually at a loss of words....