Religious men

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Right.

I have a bone to pick with you lot.

Why is that ‘most’ religious men are quite happy choosing a wife who is obviously not religious, she could be decked out in western attire and you can happily oggle at her and give her the green light. And THEN have the audacity to start initiating change after marriage.

SOME of you men have definetly ruined some lives out there. And some of you men have the cheek to suggest that you are ‘creating a place in jannah for yourselves’ by taking on the challenge of making a non religious person, religious.

HOW DARE YOU :mad:

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Re: Religious men

:hug:

yes it is despicable… check em out, and then make their lives miserable by making them change..

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Re: Religious men

Sara, yeah.....hug, hug......

Even though this isn't entirely about me, it has affected me...

But i have seen some other girls really go under....and they have no hope, no way out.

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Re: Religious men

I have to fully agree with you DD.

Perhaps mullah men should be prohibited from marrying. Only solution I can think of. Because those mullah men are usually the ones that via their loving mummies ask for a 'westen' girl's hand. Once married, they sudenly put restrictions on their wives (while usually they carry on ogling at other women)

5

Re: Religious men

Well i just read ur jounral right now.. yikes..

i mean its one thing to encurage someoen to do the right thing but another thing to make them miserable..

truly religious men (beard or no beard :p), they wouldn't do that kinda stuff, they wouldn't marry a womanwho didnt fit thier concept of "religious" and then try to force it... that reasoning, "trying to create a place in jannah" by forcing someone and makin them miserable is very immature and insecure.. The issue here isn't about becoming more religious but ur spouse and his family forcing you to, when it was all the "nonreligious" stuff that attracted them in the first place!

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Re: Religious men

Disco,

I dont think its wrong to be upfront about what you desire, and asking someone to be a better muslim is not wrong either.

Not being that religious myself, I definately will prefer to marry someone more religious than I am. But someone who leads by kindness and example, not forcing me to do things.

I agree with the others, that truly religious ppl dont force others to do what they want.

~~~***AANKHAIN***~~~
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Re: Religious men

DD, I can't read your journal :o

Wish you all a Happy Ugadi/Gudipadava
8

Re: Religious men

nescio, chaskay :smash:

Hahahah ill add ya love…how could i forget you…
And btw if u didnt agree with me…id have battered u :smash:

~~~***AANKHAIN***~~~
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Re: Religious men

Munni,

Yeah, i agree. Discuss it with the person. If you can see obvious, glaring differences...don't do it.

And worse still, don't act all cool and hang out with her like your Prince Charming and a year down the line start hammering in change.

A psych. advised someone i know that issues such as purdah, or deprivation of other entertainments and so forth should be PRACTICED by your spouse before marriage. This whole, 'do it later' sorta malarki only complicates things.

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Re: Religious men

DD ....don't batter me....but I would say don't label this lot religious....Trust me, religious men Know how to do what..!!

Its just like we do many things , a muslim isn't really expected to do....but for our actions ,all muslims can't be labeled bad.

Individuals should be responsible for their actions not the whole community.

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Re: Religious men

The proper muslims are the one who attract a person to Islam just by their calmness, their serenity, the peace that comes from them and by example.

I'm hoping that my Dear Readers will understand when i say 'most' men, i mean 'most'.

Forget that, i know men who are not even religious but are just jerks.

Why am i meeting all these freaks?

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Re: Religious men

^ Yeah… truly religious ppl know that u cant force anything… my father’s a good example.. he never ever asked my mom to wear burka, he never asked me to wear hijab.. my mother iddnt wear one for a while (tho she always wore salwar kameez and duputta) but did later on.. (i on the other hand… :bummer: ).. ive herd of parents who shaved their daughters head so she would wear a scarf and the grl was so disgusted and angry that she ran away.. its stupidity like that, that turns ppl away from religion..

13

Re: Religious men

GOSH, shaved her hair off !!!!!!!!!!!!1

Just when i thought i'd seen the worst of it...

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Re: Religious men

There's a difference between forcing someone and guiding someone.

The Prophet Sallallah Alaih Wasalam didnt just lead by example but also by word. He told people when they did wrong, instructed them to do good, and was also a very good example by means of his actions and deads. Its a complete package.

So there is nothing wrong if a man see's his wife doing something wrong and he advises her on the proper way. Similarly wife's have the same duty of helping their husbands be better people.

The way people go about it can be argued over though. Everyone knows that generally forcing someone to do something almost always results in failure. Leading by example, giving good advice from time to time, and generally not being an idiot about it can help..though not always. Once again a lot of times spouses take the others for granted and ignore their requests and advice. In that case well...only dua to Allah and hope can help.

Its very easy to slam 'religious men'. Its not as easy to look inside oneself, see that neglecting religion is not really good for any of us..and then fixing that.

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Re: Religious men

DD i think men whether religious or not impose restictions on their wives after marriage.

the difference lies that the mullahs are extremists.

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Re: Religious men

Its wrong to assume that most religious guys like westernized girls.
I know quite a few religious guys who want hijabis as their wives.

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Re: Religious men

Guys...

So its wrong for muslim men to marry 'westernized girls' and then expect them to change... Here are a few facts (not really) for you to ponder:

1) No one forced the gal to marry the 'religious guy'. She should expect or know better that the religious guy is gonna want to run things differently. I think this post is an insult to the intelligence of women! Maybe pakistani gals are stupid when it comes to marriage!

2) All gals expect to 'change' their man in some way after marriage. Why cant guys be expected to see change in their ways.

3) Are those guys trully 'religious' (which in itself is a very ill defined word) if they have a desire to marry western gals? (i think someone made this point already)

Thanks

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Re: Religious men

Okay, exactly what do you mean by "western" grlz? I sure hope it doesn't mean that grls who were born and raised here are automatically not religious and not traditional or lack morals or anything.. :o

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Re: Religious men

Backing up pinkie on points 1 and 3

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Re: Religious men

But Ducky, this is what I don't understand. Anyone in the world will take advantage of you and push you around the minute you start letting them. Exactly what is it that prevents these girls from standing up to their husbands, sitting them down, and saying "look, you can do whatever you want, I ain't doing what you're asking of me, period, cuz you can't change who I am. Its just not your right".

?

I mean, if these girls change and become different people after marriage against their will, then what does that show about their own will power? I mean what the hell is a guy going to do? Threaten divorce. Let him then. If that's what a husband decides to do, then that's his folly and he's answerable to God. Its better to be single than be married to a dunce like that. And besides. Most of these guys are insecure to begin with. I can bet you that if these women stood up to these men, that most of them wouldn't even have the balls to give a divorce.

Aside from divorce, what else can they do? Beat these girls? I'm sorry, but there are laws that protect people in society. Eventually, the law is going to find the husband and beat HIM!

So what are these girls really afraid of? I'm sorry to say this, but often times a woman stays in such a situation due to her own insecurity. And believe me, I am not looking down on these women, and belittling them in anyway. For some reason, its really easy for women to get insecure about themselves. Maybe its the society we're raised in. Maybe the influences we see around us in our communities. I don't know. It can happen to the strongest of us.

But fact of the matter is, that desi women just need to become stronger people. And the only way that will happen is that if a female knows she's got an alternative to the life she's living.

If I don't have any other option than staying married to the beast I'm married to, then I'm going to put up with all his absurdities, and I will go ahead against my principles and change the way I dress and act, etc.

And in all this, a girl's own family support is so necessary. If her own parents are not willing to stand up for her, then where will she go? The strongest of people do need some support system, I can tell you that much. Why are families not willing to stand up to their daughters and tell the in-laws "hey, that is NOT how my daughter will be treated, period, she ain't your kutti".

???

There is a lot more to the issue than bad in-laws. Females just are not supported and encouraged in our communities. Their fate is marriage and some guy's sahara. And they're brainwashed into thinking that they can't stand up on their own two feet.

Any guy who is forcing their wife to do such things needs to be reported to the local media. Let the goras make a tamasha out of him and his stupid family that is encouraging such stupidity. That's how I'd handle it. Drag him out in public and embarass him all the way, so that he'd never show his effing face in public again. Its the only treatment they deserve.