So let’s say you are a fairly religious person and you do your 5 namaazes and keep rozay, and are generally a nice person, what expectations do you have from your spouse? Would you encourage her/him to come to religion if they are not that inclined in terms of “practice” or would you not interfere? See what is in one’s heart, our iman and all that is very personal and only Allah knows the truth, but do you feel that as a spouse you have a responsibility to steer your partner in what is considered the “right direction” or do you believe in the live and let live philosophy?
Re: Religion and your spouse
of course you cant force someone towards religion but being a loving spouse I'd like better things for my souse and I'll keep on reminding her about the true path and our religious obligations so that she is also successful in AKHIRAT.
in real life, she is the one who reminds me about all this from time and time again ...and I dont mind it at all ...
Re: Religion and your spouse
Depends where she is getting this religious righteousness to be able to convince me. If it is coming from some aunties bayaan or dars in the local mosque without her verifying the info in the light of the Quran, then I would be challenging her. But if her persuasion is derived from the true teachings of the Quran then it will be most welcomed.
Re: Religion and your spouse
Things like what you already know and cannot question such as the basic 5 pillars of Islam...let's not even get into sunnahs and hadeeth here...
So if your wife asks you to do salat, or keep roza, or save for hajj, or give annual zakat...something as basic as that...
Re: Religion and your spouse
Let me admit ... I am the one who sometimes gets off track ...skipping Namaz etc and she is the one who simply asks me before going for her Namaz "XXXX namaz parh lee?" ..thats all she says :)
Re: Religion and your spouse
What is in my heart, only allah knows. You are right about that, but in a Muslim State, I will be judged based on my acts. If I do not practice Islam then my nighbors have the obligation to try to steer me towards practicing my faith. If I refuse then according to some rulings, I could be executed.
Having said that, a husband cannot tell his wife that its between me and Allah what I do, you dont tell me to do namaz. Its her obligation and his duty to listen. If he refuses then she has the right to leave him and ask for khula.
Re: Religion and your spouse
I also believe in "actions speak louder than words". I don't have to convince another person living under the same roof with words all the time. I can act upon what I preach first and it will be communicated across much more convincingly.
I do not like people who know a couple of things and feel they are now qualified to preach others.
Re: Religion and your spouse
Preaching is different than encouraging. You can always encourage others to do the right thing and request them to help you do the right thing if they find you lacking. You dont need to be the most pious person to be qualified to ask someone to pray 5 times. In fact you dont have to pray 5 times to ask someone to do it. You praying 5 times and you encouraging others are 2 different religious obligations and one can fulfil one obligation even if he failed to fulfil the other.
I don't read namaaz regularly and my husband often tells me off about this but what really annoys me is that he doesn't read either so he has no right to tell me to read. I obviously point that out!
Re: Religion and your spouse
^ Ajuba please read my last post, last 3-4 lines
:k:
when i see him doing wudu i follow and do it too..
when he sees me doing it…he does the same…
i dont think verbalizing an order would have had the same effect…thats just my opinion.
Re: Religion and your spouse
One thing that people forget when they talk about "encouraging" is recognizing and rewarding. So if you truly want to motivate someone to do something, recognize and reward them for doing what you encourage. You will see them do it more often or with more dedication.
In answer to your question.....I believe it to be my duty to steer if my partner has veered of the path. I am answerable for myself and my family.
Re: Religion and your spouse
One should never marry a blind person as he/she wont be able to see you do anything and you are ETHICALLY not allowed to verbalize anything to him/her.
Re: Religion and your spouse
^ i know right! it changes the dynamics of the whole relationship...
Re: Religion and your spouse
Hmmm.
I really don't mind being told/checked by my husband if I haven't done something right. For example, I used to be lazy getting up for fajr but my husband wouldn't give up trying to wake me up for it. Now a few times I did feel like telling him off...like hey do yours and let me suffer the consequences until one day I realized that he was doing that because he did care about me... You can take this in a different way totally but I guess it has a lot to do with the relationship you have with your spouse.
I think if you are super duper religious than you should also marry a super religious person. Choose you partners carefully in terms of your lifestyle choices. Instead of measuring heights and color complexion, compatibility in ideas should be a prefrence before marraige.
Now if your spouse is not as religious as you are and it bothers you so much that they are not praying or fasting then you can talk to them and figure out if it is something you both can live with or not. If both of you can change in someways. If things don't work out then you can make a choice to walk away. Continue your life as you wish and let them live theirs too.
I don't think the live & let live philosophy can work with spouses. What about when you have children then. What do they follow?
Also as someone said actions speak louder than words. But if my actions are not doing much I wouldn't mind discussing this with my spouse at least once. If he/she gets it. Fine. If not then action, action, action. It'll eventually make a difference.
Also if I am not wrong in deen a wife or a husband is supposed to ensure that certain things be followed.
Re: Religion and your spouse
Both of us reminds each other abt prayer time b/c sometimes one is bz wid work or something and didn't realize the time for prayer , abt other stuff like zakat, roza etc. both of us know and follows, I dont think thr is a big deal abt reminding your spouse, you only reminds or encourage someone you care abt ,not a complete stranger passing by on a street.
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Re: Religion and your spouse
There were prophet's wives who didn't believe (Hazrat Nooh & Luut (as) ) and the Pharaoh's wife is declared to be a righteous woman by Quran. I pondered why didn't they divorce their spouses? Why couldn't they change them to believe?
So what I take from it is that your spouse owe his or her belief to Allah, not you. They will be judged on their own account. I may encourage them to do good (how ever I define it to be) and pray for them but only Allah is the final decider.
I believe that I am responsible for how I treat my wife and with what intentions, regardless of how she treats me in return.