Hey everyone. Am stuck in a rut. need your advice.
Ive known this guy for a year and we have been through quite alot. Good times and bad. Whenever i had bad days he would cheer me up, give me courage when times were rough. All in all just the kind of guy i have wanted to be with as we have quite alot in common. Likewise i have been there for him whenever he needed me. However, there are certain things about him that i dont like. and i have let him known. i hoped that he would have made an effort to change but all in vain. recently, i heard that he had cheated on me. initially, i was shocked, hurt and confused. Couldnt believe that he would do something like this. how could he have broken my trust. he has apologised for having hurt me and would like me to give him another chance? should i , should i not…plz help
thats a tough one…
personally me myself…I dont think I could trust him again. what other things do you not like about him?
cheating is a big thing…and the fact that his done it once…whats going to stop him from doing it again…since he’ll know u forgave him the first time.
is he even serious about you? has he told him parents etc. about you? have you? what exactly do u want to get out of the relationship?
its up to you…do u think u can trust him 100% again. this trust thing is a bit of a tricky one…we trust people but the fact that they break our trust…becomes abit ironic then…and i have seen it happen alot. dont people understand the meaning of trust anymore ?
Take Maddy’s advice. he’s advice is always worth taking. im talking from experience
I agree that he will do it again, cuz he’ll know u’ll let him off again. and if he loved you how can he cheat on you…where was the love at that time when he was cheating?
[quote=“mAd_ScIeNtIsT”]
Once a guy has cheated once and gotten away with it… he’ll cheat again.
Ditch him now
Mad_Scientist, i did think about ditching him but he is truly down and keeps begging me to forgive him. he has realised what he has done and has promised it wouldnt happen again. he even says that whatever i say from now onwards it will be. he doesnt want to let go of me. its hard for me to even think about someone else again. we have shared intimate moments and im having hard time letting go.
Impulse, he has an alcohol problem. it hurts to see him wreck his life. he was previously badly hurt by someone he loved and hence the problem. He sometimes does make an effort but other times he goes back to what he was. told him to speak to his GP about it which he did. Guess some habits die hard. i want to help him quit and part of me has forgiven him but i cant seem to forget. he has told all his friends about me. he wants ours to be long term and wants to work it out. has mentioned several times how he sees me being his other half. When other guys look at me and pass comments he gets insecure. but then i guess this is normal. guyz do tend to get jealous. Apparently, alot of women make passes at him too coz of his charming personality but i always felt secure bcoz he always made me feel that way. a friend of mine told me to give him another chance as everyone deserves it. right now ive given him some space to think about it. his friends are concerned about him. but i want him to know that if i give him another chance its got to be on my terms. wish i hadnt fallen for him but now that i have i cant seem to let go..
Ask yourself if truly think you deserve a guy with an alcohol problem - is that how you saw your life turning out to be like...?
But anyway, you cannot look into his heart. For all that he's pleading he won't do it again, inside he may just be thinking he won't let himself be caught next time he does it.
You also mentioned that other women make passes at him. Given that he's cheated once, and that women continue to make passes at him, won't you get wracked with jealousy and suspicion?
Bringing up drinking again, the guy drinks (which impacts his ability to make judgements) and girls make passes at him. The two of these do not go together at all.....
Walk away from him. I'm sure you can do far, far, far better.
You have spent a year of your life with this one guy and you have shared things that you may have not shared with anyone else...so it is harder for you to let go even though in your mind rationally that is the correct thing to do...
As for him cheating...for one of my friends he cheated because he didnt care about his gal...she forgave him and hes still cheating on her...thats what you need to hope wont be the case...
however for another...its just problems were to much between her and him...she loves him but she was upset at how things were...so she cheated cos she was depressed...for your partner he may feel depressed and insecure becuase he doesnt feel he is good enough for you and may feel guilty about his alcohol problem...cheating isnt always lustful and malicious...it can be done to those you love...
Im not condoning it...but all im saying is that someone who cheats doesnt neccesary not love you...but he might just be playing games...you need to assess that...
Its a tough situation and you need to see things in a rational framework...dont let your criteria be thats it tough to let go and we have shared so much...make sure you assess whether the future looks bright?...does he look like solving his problems?...do you genuinely feel that you can trust him again?...do you want a family with him?...etc...
It isnt your job to rescue him Serena. Nor is it yours to put your life on the line on the gamble that he will get better. IF he loves you that much, then he can be a mature person, sober up, and gain your trust.
A guy can say a lot of things in order to get a girl back, not all of it is sincere, and even the sincere parts might simply be untrue because he doesnt know what hes talking about, hes only saying what he thinks will fix the situation.
If hes worth your trust then he can demosntrate it to you instead of begging you to believe it.
Keep him as long as your heart tells you to. Years from now, when you have gotten over him and moved on with your life (and he has moved on with his), write a memoir of your relationship. Market for such books is tremendous. Asians love to read about lives of other Asians – from your trysts to fights, to pitayees meted out to the boy by your brothers.
I recommend you start a GupShup journal. Dedicate entries to various phases of your relationship. In a year or two, you’ll have enough material to write a book. Remember the Chinese proverb? “Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
It’s hard to let go things, but ya gotta take this pill. You gonna miss him alot ( since you have shared alot of intimate moments) probably, he will emotionally blackmail you, but let me tell ya , what he is thinking, he wants you back, so he can enjoy ur Soft side, he will cheat on you again and again, but what you gonna do then..nothing, cuz once a Loser Always a loser....get away from HIM, best way is to Get another Guy... trust me, divert your attention, be "Friendly" with him, but draw a line, if he is Alcoholic, thats not an xcuze. let him deal with his own problems....if you let him go this time, gal it could be your biggest mistake of ur Life.
Relationship is like a glass!!!
once it breaks, it will only hurt to put it back.....
you are better judge of the situation.... i tried, didnt work for me !!!
Guys...cheating is normal these days...21st century...just try to live with it...there is no other way...what make you think the next guy won't cheat on you...its a vicious chain...
Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary tons of times...but Hillary is smart...she knows that divorcing Billy won't get her a non-cheating guy... :)
PS: Cheat hee ki hai naaaaaaa...kuch aur tou nahi kar dya... :D
