Re: Relationship dilemma
Serena, I think he can be your great friend but not a boy-friend. He has commitment issues and is not ready to settle down. You said that he has been with you through tough times...if you need him accept him as a friend not a lover. If you can't make a distinction between friend and b/f with him then leave him...he is only going to break your heart.
Re: Relationship dilemma
Do you think giving him a chance is worth getting hurt again? Then go for it. You never know, you might end up marrying him :D And guys do change IF they are really in love. Most of the ppl giving u advice here are guys themselves, thats why its so easy for them to let go n move on. You know the guy, we dont. If he has lied before n hasnt changed, what makes you think he will change now? I guess make it clear to him that this will be his last chance, he might take advantage of the fact that u cant let go of him, dont let him know that. hehe pretend like its easy for u to move on.
Re: Relationship dilemma
^ Think of it as a risk you are taking. And make sure u make it clear to him that you are not gonna be able to trust him the way u did, just so he doenst expect everything to go back the way it was.
Re: Relationship dilemma
Agar chut jata ya phir bilqul hee bhag jata tou phir…abhi tou woh wahiN hee hai naaaaaaaaa…larki khali tou nahi behti… 
Re: Relationship dilemma
Serena
Half the people giving advice here have never been in a relationship. It's like a schoolboy advising a professor on what course to take --ludicrous.
Here are my observations:
You were intimate with him, meaning you slept with him, so you feel very connected
He has been hurt before. So, he has a warped idea of how relationships really are
He cheated on you. Cause and effect. see above.
He drinks. When did he start. before or after his last GF cheated on him?
I am replying only because something like this happened to someone I know. You can't dismiss him as "once a cheater always a cheater" type because he was a victim once and, therefore, has a very twisted idea about relationships. It's a classic case of abusee becoming the abuser.
I would just give him another chance and show him through your love and support that you care. Instill trust in him by making him trust you. You said he helped you in your times of need, which shows he is capable.
The guy i know turned around within one year. So, may be give him a chance for a year and see what happens. Of course, assuming that you love him
Plus you got a chip you can cash in on a rainy day. I say pick some hunky meathead to even the score.:D
Re: Relationship dilemma
it will be very hard for you to move on....but its possible. ive done it myself and have also helped a friend through it.
Girls, before u even think about giving ur heart away to a guy....think does he really deserve it ? the worst thing u can do is give ur heart to a guy who doesnt care,and doesnt deserve it.
dont stay with him just cuz u feel sorry for him. trust me pity wont do u any favours. are u Muslim ? and ur with a guy who drinks ? even if he does stop drinking, he can easily start again. habits arent easy to leave. he seems very insecure....and why do u want to be with a guy like that....
I know exactly what ur thinking right now "he's the only guy ive ever loved...the only guy I will ever love...i cant be with anyone else...i cant love anyone else....hes the one for me....no1 will understand me like he does....hes so great etc. etc. " sometiems what we think is love is the exact opposite.
the above is probably what most girls woudl think in ur situation.....but 1 year down the line, you'd be glad u left this guy. would ur parents even accept him?
the best advice I can give is if ur a Muslim....then pray to Allah to make ur situation better and make things work out in the best way.....do istikhara....if that guy is good for u, u will get positive signs....if he's still the same as he used to be, or the istikhara turns out negative....get away from him because the longer u stay the harder it will get.
Pray to Allah to guide u to do whats best.....keep doing this and expect to see miracles happening in ur life.
I was in a similar situation to yours....I thought I was in love with an idiot....I felt he was the one and i cant be wit anyone else etc. etc. most ppl on gupshup know about it. but I was so wrong....
my only advice is pray and try to stay away from him as much as possible...then u will notice that u can stay away from him. im my situation I kept praying and next thing I know, Allah gave me a prince charming and I couldnt be any happier. :)
lesson that I learnt: sometimes what we 100% think is love....is not really love....if some1 loves u they can never hurt you....they would never cheat on you.....and they wouldnt make u suffer....they would do anytihng for you (and giving up drinking should be really easy)
anyway, if u need any advice u can PM me. im here to help you cuz I know how ur feeling and it hurts....but just know that theres a way out. and nothign is impossible.
and dont worry, be sincere, make Allah ur best friend and thats all u need :)
Re: Relationship dilemma
you have a very good point. the reason he cheated in the first place is cuz of whats happened to him in his past.
ive seen situations where a guy has been hurt by a girl (i.e. she dumps him for another guy etc.)…the guy sometimes turns out to be a total psycho and starts to use and abuse women…maybe to get his own back…maybe cuz he has lost faith in relationships.
but in this situation I dont think that applies…because Serena was loyal to him and loved him. why did he do it to her?
Re: Relationship dilemma
^ or MAYBE (cap maybe means definately) a guy is a guy afterall and they need "fresh" meat ( i heard it on the radio)
Re: Relationship dilemma
He has cheated on you and has an alcohol problem. What about him really makes you happy Serena? Really ask yourself, why are you with him? Your answer should not be, “because I have been with him for a year” and have invested time and emotion into your relationship. Don’t be afraid of letting go and moving on. You deserve someone a lot better than a man who will emotionally abuse you … and yes, being unfaithful is a form of emotional abuse.
You will be making a mistake if you are with him because you have been intimate, invested time and energy into this relationship. There needs to be more to it, mainly substance. Without substance or a solid foundation, no relationship will last, especially when there is alcohol abuse and infidelity going on.
There really is no excuse for infidelity, even if some girl in his past was unfaithful to him. That does not make it o.k. for him to take out his anger in the form of his own infidelity on you and your relationship with him. If he values you, respects you and truly wants to be with you, he will treat you properly, with dignity, with respect, with appreciation and with love … not with abuse.
Only you can answer the question of whether or not you want to be with him. Do you want a future with this man after what he has done to you? Can you really forgive him? Can you trust him?
If you do decide to let him go and move on, you will hurt, you will cry, but you will get over it. I promise you that much. 
Re: Relationship dilemma
Re: Relationship dilemma
Right now im feeling too numb to even think or say anything. I have taken note of all your suggestions/advices. If i decide to leave him, i know i will move on but it wont be the same again. The funny thing is that those "intimate" moments were not physical at all as some of you have put it. In fact, he didnt want to jeopardise the relationship ..he said that he was ready to wait coz he respected me. Thats what i dont understand. Im not someone who will sleep with a guy just for the heck of it. i normally enter a relationship for the long haul.
True, there is no excuse for emotional abuse and that he should learn to change if his future relationships are to work. But when i think about it, he has been extremely patient with me. I ve had many flaws and he was always there no matter how difficult things became. Previously, ive tried to end this relationship many times bcoz things werent going as they should but he kept making me understand how important it is to make relationships work. if things go wrong, you shouldn't give up just coz its not happening. But, like some of you said, was it really worth investing in this relationship. and perhaps it was emotional blackmail too.
just wanna say thankyou to all of you for giving me your input. it has made me clearly see what i couldnt before. Its easier now to make the decision. Love is truly blind. xx
Re: Relationship dilemma
well my friend had situation when hers boyfriend cheated her a several times but she forgave her.do u love him???does he loves u?what was the reason that he cheated u?u can give him another chance if u know that he is worth of that.for me it looks that he is.but i don t know the reason why he did that.Think about that (does he is wort of that) and u ll find the answer. and another thing is that how u get to know about that?through whom?well if through someone then its actualy dengerous to believe in that.I ll tell one story.There was a lovely couple already merried for more that 10 yr.Once his sister stayed with him for a night.at the morning he needed to take her somewhere.and while they was staying at the car his neighbor saw the.she told that to his wife…and she took devorce.well good luck…chear up!!! everthing will be ok…
Re: Relationship dilemma
If you are not sure ... take your time! ball is in your court
Re: Relationship dilemma
Only u know wot’s best for u and that’s the best advice i think i can give u even though i know exactly wot ur going thru…i have been there, it’s not fun…and a lot of ppl are telling u to let him go…wotever u decide to do, remember to forgive him…it’s very important to do so to help urself heal…in my case, i decided to give him another chance…and it was worth the pain, he changed back to who he was when i met him…deep down u see, i knew he was a good person…but he’s human and we all make mistakes…best of luck to u 
Re: Relationship dilemma
serena i love U… in fact i love all the women in this world who are able to adjust themselves accordingly unlike me 
Re: Relationship dilemma
Agreed!!!
I would make sure i would ditch him in public with few punches and curses… Or leave him with forever mental pain… a guy like that deserves torture…
Re: Relationship dilemma
I edit my advice.
Ditch him now, and fly nia_khan over to give him the treatment he deserves.
Re: Relationship dilemma
To be blunt darling...dump his ass.....If hes like this now imagine the future....Once a cheater always a cheater...Its hard but better in the long run...Go find a nice guy but then again girls love this bad boy thing...but from a guys point of view he s a loser!
Re: Relationship dilemma
i am trying to forget him but everytime i hear a song or go to certain places i start thinking about him. Am letting him go but he is in my system real bad. trying to distract my thoughts by getting busy in other things but nothing seems to work. All i tell myself is i will get over him one day. time will heal but its such a long way there. even thinking of seeing another guy at this point is useless. you just cant feel for someone else again. at least for me it takes time.
have another guy who is trying his best to pursue me..but i cant handle another relationship at least not at this stage. yet he doesnt take no for an answer. he feels that i need him at this stage but really do i ??
Re: Relationship dilemma
ahhh...what assholes us guys are....this is what all guys do......as soon as a girl breaks up with someone they move in on that girl because they think she is 'vunerable' and then they will do all these sweet things and make u try and fall for them...admitedly there is a very fine art to this and some guys have prefected it perfectly but my opinion do not fall for it .....keep this new guy as a freind only.