Rejected for being a "punjabi"

Jolie · April 20, 2015, 6:48pm

Re: Rejected for being a “punjabi”

^ That’s an entirely different issue. I wholeheartedly agree that no one on this board or elsewhere has the right to speak down to an ethnic group or to make disparaging remarks about them, whether it be Punjabis, Hyderabadis, Muhajirs, etc.

But you are likening a preference in ethnic sameness in marriage to ethnic bigotry - and that’s not a one-for-one-transaction. The OP indicated that she got turned down because she was Punjabi, but interestingly enough, nowhere in her post did she mention that any disparaging remarks were made about her Punjabi background. It was stated as a preference. Preference cannot always be equated to prejudice - those are two different things.

And I stand by the idea, if preference is acceptable in other spheres as countless GS threads have proven, why then is it being condemned here? Either it’s all bad, or it can arguably be acceptable.

I keep thinkng back to the people whose requirements for their spouse include height, weight, skin-colour, age. Tell me, do any of those factors define compatibility or a person? Nope, yet it gets bucketed under preference as it relates to physical attraction and is acceptable.

So this is your problem? Why discriminatory attitude against Punjabi is being condemned?

I know you are trying your best trivialise ethnic bigotry and doing a fine job at acting like an apologist for ethnic discrimination, but let’s get this straight - the OP’s profile was short-listed by the potential suitor, the date of the first meeting was set up, but he decided to reject her without really interacting with her, even once. He confirmed her ethnicity to his parents and received the instructions for immediate rejection. This is indeed ethnic prejudice. You can go round and round in circles and prove how it is not, and trivialise ethnic bigotry because someone else also got rejected for not being a doctor. Frankly speaking, I find the this whole idea of either all or none at all approach to condemning wrong practices ridiculous, dishonest and opportunistic.

I believe in preferences, and preferences don’t necessarily lead to narrow-mindedness. Ironically, you’ve used this word. The guy could’ve interacted with her and family to see exactly how different an otherwise suitable girl is from his ideal preference which is to marry an Urdu speaking girl, I’m assuming.

PCG has been on the receiving end of such brainless, unreasonable and immediate rejection based on some illiterate and ignorant people’s preconceived racist notions and infatuation with age old stereotypes, and it is awful (yet she’s the girl who’s given everyone a chance despite having a very strong preference). I rather respect her sentiments and experiences and call such behaviour wrong, than clutch on strawman arguments to prove how it is ‘okay’.

Frankly speaking, if you belong to those circles where casual Punjabi bashing is a norm, then Punjabis being rejected by Urdu speakers may not seem like a big deal. Yes, I have seen people throwing bigger fits and crying rivers when called ‘dark’ and ‘short’, but such type of discrimination is not one those issues. I’d like to echo the comment made by another member and suggest that it’d be interesting to see how quickly and intensely people’s standards turn into double standards if we change the order of the rejection. Let’s see how many posters here preach ‘preference’ if there’s a thread on Punjabi rejecting an Urdu speaking girl on the basis of whatever derogatory stereotypes they have for them. (waiting for countless of my chacha’s maami’s khala’s neighbour’s niece married a Punjabi)