We got introduced to a guy the other day who ticked all the right boxes, I.e. education, height, job, etc. Things seemed to be going well, guy was interested as were we, he is originally from Karachi and his parents are back home. We were expecting him to visit us on Sunday, so we made loads of food, etc but then he said that he was not able to come as he was bringing someone with him who had fallen ill and would re-arrange and let us know. Fair enough we thought.
We didn’t hear from him after that so my dad contacted him asking to ring him back, which he never did.
So today, the lady who introduced us spoke to him and he has stated that his dad has has told him that he shouldn’t get married into a punjabi speaking family, it should be an urdu speaking family. Now we all speak urdu, but what his dad means is that stupid other system that is in Pak, you know besides the caste system.. I.e. mehman, punjabi, urdu speaking.. (blah blah blah)
I am sorry but what the hell, when are we going to get out of this pathetic pak mentality of caste systems (I don’t even know if it is a caste system.in this case) nobody gives a flying.monkeys about whether you’re “urdu speaking” or Chinese speaking in the uk.. as.long as you are decent and a good muslim, why should the rest matter.
I was incredibly upset when my mum told me but I am sooooo angry now.. why do we think like that, why? We are all equal, we all came the same way and will leave this earth the same way and will be buried under the same dirt.. when is this 16th century mentality going to end?
I feel like giving him a piece of my mind but I just think it’s pointless.
Many Urdu speaking people do look down on Punjabis as backward,uncultured and misogynistic & vice versa Punjabis look down on Muhajir people for being in their view “darker and shorter” or more “Indian”, so the people you saw were one of those bigots.
This isn’t a caste system, you don’t know what that is, this isn’t even tribalism -what you’ve experienced is ethnic bias, which is common in any ethnically diverse country, so it isn’t just “paki mentality”, there are many inter-ethnic marriages in Pakistan and mixed people.
That’s so pathetic tbh, rejecting someone just because they speak Punjabi. I come from a family who speak more punjabi than urdu in my household but we know urdu fluently too. My sister got married off to a urdu speaking family who didn’t know an ounce of punjabi and they had no problem with it. I had a proposal from a sindhi urdu speaker once and the guy’s mother was fully stating that my mum (the guy’s mum’s mum) rejects all rishtas that are punjabi because she hates them and thinks they’re jahil and then there the mum is, saying she’d make an exception for me. I was like nuh huh honey, just walk away, who do you think you are coming to my house saying this.
I guess it’s just the individual family’s mentality of how they like to percieve others. They probably think speaking punjabi (punjabi speakers) are jahil or paindu. My advice is just try to forget it. People like that probably have the mindset that your beneath them if you speak anything different to Urdu.
are you serious?? what’s wrong with Punjabi’s?? I’m Punjabi and were awesome! :snooty:
Like @VintageSpring I also similarly had a rishta but from my salon lady who is from Karachi and an Urdu speaker. She started off saying how Karachi people are awesome as opposed to Lahoris and are better because they speak Urdu and don’t sound as jahil as Punjabi’s. Then she proceeded to tell me how the “other” type of Pakistsnis in UK, i.e. Mirpuris are even worse than Punjabi’s and she’s heartbroken at the fact that her daughters getting married to one. (lol). Then she goes that i’m perfect for his son because he needs to come to the UK from Pakistan. I was like yeah, sure. Bye.
Not trying to generalise here but from what i’ve noticed, most not ALL Urdu speakers or Karachiites ive come across are racist towards punjabis and other types of pakistanis simply because they speak Urdu.
Just try and not let it get to you. Maybe it was for the best because later after marriage you may have faced problems for being Punjabi. I’d say you got lucky!
Tbh you can’t beat the Punjabi insults/phrases. Their loss.
There are some bigots like that, but what she said isn’t entirely true, there many Punjabi-Karachiites, people from all over Pakistan live in Karachi, this is is major misconception people have that everybody in Khi is Urdu-speaking(less than half the population is), and there are plenty of Lahori families that speak better Urdu than Punjabi.
Never. Injustice and certain people thinking the group they belong to is better than others will ALWAYS be a part of life. I’m not sure why you’re upset or even angry. You should be very happy that this happened right now before things went further. Would you really want to marry into a family where the guy or his immediate family has this type of mentality?
Interestingly enough, threads that attempt to point out one group’s bias/discrimination towards another, inevitably become about bashing and negtively stereotyping the very group that is pointed out as bigoted - hence returning bigotry with bigotry. This is true, whether the thread is about the non-mehmaan nawaaz Hyderabadis, the paindu Punjabis, the uppity, Indian-looking Urdu-speakers, or the machli-smelling Bangladeshis insert sarcasm-smiley
The OP’s point is that ONE Urdu-speaking family rejected her because she was Punjabi-speaking. Was that wrong? Personally, I might say yes.
But based on other threads where people have defended a rishta’s right to reject the other person based on height, weight, attractiveness, clan/cultural traditions, mother-tongue, social standing, etc. - who are we to judge? Like others have said - OP should be grateful not to be marrying into a family that thinks and values people differently than her.
This urdu speaking thing is so confusing. I live in Punjab, but can’t speak a lick of Punjabi, ethnically Pathan, also from a family that migrated to Pakistan. Like wat even. Thank goodness I’ve never been asked who I am and never asked.
Its for the best, Op. You dodged the cuckoo train bullet.
Everyone is entitled to have their preferences, just as you have clearly stated that you were picking a man based on him having the right job and education and being the right height…
I always thought you were a girl!