So this is your problem? Why discriminatory attitude against Punjabi is being condemned?
I know you are trying your best trivialise ethnic bigotry and doing a fine job at acting like an apologist for ethnic discrimination, but let’s get this straight - the OP’s profile was short-listed by the potential suitor, the date of the first meeting was set up, but he decided to reject her without really interacting with her, even once. He confirmed her ethnicity to his parents and received the instructions for immediate rejection. This is indeed ethnic prejudice. You can go round and round in circles and prove how it is not, and trivialise ethnic bigotry because someone else also got rejected for not being a doctor. Frankly speaking, I find the this whole idea of either all or none at all approach to condemning wrong practices ridiculous, dishonest and opportunistic.
I believe in preferences, and preferences don’t necessarily lead to narrow-mindedness. Ironically, you’ve used this word. The guy could’ve interacted with her and family to see exactly how different an otherwise suitable girl is from his ideal preference which is to marry an Urdu speaking girl, I’m assuming.
PCG has been on the receiving end of such brainless, unreasonable and immediate rejection based on some illiterate and ignorant people’s preconceived racist notions and infatuation with age old stereotypes, and it is awful (yet she’s the girl who’s given everyone a chance despite having a very strong preference). I rather respect her sentiments and experiences and call such behaviour wrong, than clutch on strawman arguments to prove how it is ‘okay’.
Frankly speaking, if you belong to those circles where casual Punjabi bashing is a norm, then Punjabis being rejected by Urdu speakers may not seem like a big deal. Yes, I have seen people throwing bigger fits and crying rivers when called ‘dark’ and ‘short’, but such type of discrimination is not one those issues. I’d like to echo the comment made by another member and suggest that it’d be interesting to see how quickly and intensely people’s standards turn into double standards if we change the order of the rejection. Let’s see how many posters here preach ‘preference’ if there’s a thread on Punjabi rejecting an Urdu speaking girl on the basis of whatever derogatory stereotypes they have for them. (waiting for countless of my chacha’s maami’s khala’s neighbour’s niece married a Punjabi)
In the Hyderabadi thread, Hyderabadis were specifically called out on being bad hosts and loud and whatnot.
Here, we have a rejection based on simply being Punjabi…big difference. The OP’s rishta people did not say anything negative about Punjabis that I have read. They had a preference though.
I don’t hate black, white, Hispanic, Punjabi or any other ethnicity but I imagine it being a bit hard marrying into them.
The Punjabis I know are all very jovial, nice and straightforward people. I like them a lot but I found it easier to be married to an Urdu speaking guy…and I wasn’t actually looking for one either…he just happened to be one. In fact, when I met him I thought he was Punjabi because he was born in Lahore.
No, that’s not what I’ve said at all. I never made this thread about pro- versus anti-Punjabi sentiment or in any way encouraged discrimination or disparagement of Punjabis.
What I’ve said repeatedly, is that the ethnic background of the OP and the prospect could be swapped out with any other combination of ethnicities, but ultimtately the right to choose one’s partner and to have arbitrary preferences (including based on ethnicity) is up to the individual. Neither you nor I can dictate to someone else who they should consider and why they should consider that person or what preferences they may have.
Ultimately, if someone narrows their preferences along arbitrary lines, the harm is to them and no one else, because they’ve closed themselves off to potentially someone who might be better than those filtered through their lens of preferences.
You’ve given prime importance to ethnicity and I’ve said that this is only one arbitrary “preference.” We each have our POV and neither of us is required to agree with the other, but don’t assume that I’ve trivialized or condoned bigotry - I haven’t.
Of course, if an accomplished and respectable girl get’s rejected for having dark complexion, short height, round physique and ‘Indian looking’ face without any prior interaction, then that’s also someone’s ‘preference’ (yet I’ve seen people throwing fits when called out for their weight or profession) No one can really force people to marry a person they have no attraction for and respect for their background and identity. Fortunately, some people still have the decency and a sane head on their shoulders to call such ‘narrow minded’ practices wrong wholeheartedly and find ways to discourage them with reasons instead of acting like apologists on the basis that if one type of discrimination is allowed then let’s say okay to all of them. An eye for an eye will make the whole world’s blind.
Whether you like it or not, there are indeed fairer ways of judging someone against your preferences.
For my own sanity, and to make sure I wasn’t imagining things, I dug up a not so old thread from 2014 about “Turn Offs” and without any provocation or reason, Hyderabadis/Indians/Mumbai walay girls were the top “deal breaker” for marriage by you guessed it…Punjabis. Apparently the Hyderabadi dialect and the mere fact that the girl is of Indian descent is a bad thing and throws an otherwise decent girl out of the running. That’s not ethnic bias? The amount of likes and quotes and agreement and snubbing was very telling. It goes both ways.
Btw, the guppan who made that preference known is a decent fellow who I otherwise like very much..I would never throw out racist labels on him. It’s his or anybody else’s preference.
Let’s just not pretend that Urdu speaking/Muhajjirs/Indians and espeicially Hyderabadis don’t get there fair share of prejudice/stereotyping/alienation on this forum because it’s quite common.
I reproduce the original post below for you and rest of the people to go through thoroughly.
If you read the red parts.
1). The reasons for possible rejection (.i.e 90%) are ‘other reasons’ - not the ethnicity.
2). The person asked question, inquiring about possible differences between cultures and lifestyle - nowhere did you see any ‘negative’ presumptions - mere questions, those too in order to have some knowledge to assess compatibility (which means no automatic rejection based on ethnicity - rather adjustment issues)
So, please do not try to twist the facts and perpetuate ethnic dislike in the guise of ‘preference’ ONLY when it suits your view point.
I am glad you admitted that. You felt bad about ethnic bias against one set of people - you make sure it ‘goes both ways’, sort of tit for tat. You shouldn’t hold feelings - reply then and there.Thats all that i expect from decent people in discussions to do. Be clear and straightforward in your stance and convictions. Wishy washy political correctness takes away from honest exchange of ideas.
I’m not quite sure I follow your point…admit what? That ethnic preferences go both ways? Or stereotyping? What exactly are you asking me to fess up on? I have been very vocal about my own experiences in breaking out the mold and marrying outside my family’s norms…nor have I personally ever bashed or stereotyped anybody Punjabi on this forum
I can’t believe you are calling my hyderabadi thread obnoxious? where do you come off talking like that? aren’t you a mod? and if anything you made it obnoxious by continuously attacking me and calling it ridiculous, lame and things like that. My intentions were to just know a bit about Hyderabadi people and I think GS is a good mode to inquire about things like that. People should be able to come GS and open threads and not feel scared of you. I swear my intentions were not bad, I can’t believe I have to say that.
oh and my friend did give that hydeadbadi guy a chance, she wasn’t racist, just worried how she would adjust into their family. By the way she did say no to the rishta after meeting the family not because they were hyderbadis just because of the comparability, personality and physical attraction issues. She is still open to hydeabadi rishtas I think and has never said bad things about them.
why do you always pick on punjabis, my mom’s friend who is urdu speaking told my mom that she wouldn’t want her daughter to marry a hyderabadi guy because of their complexion and accent. is this right? personally no but thats her preference. After opening this thread, I have learned a lot of urdu speaking and punjabis don’t want to marry hyderabadis and a lot of indian hyderabadis don’t want to marry into pakistanis (urdu speaking or punjabi speaking)
I actually detailed your attitude towards Hyderabadis in a post and showed you where and how you were obnoxious. I am looking up at the ceiling wondering WHY I am doing this but here you are:
