While doing the dining operation routine many a times you end up sharing a great rapport wth the family.
However the potential mate, is not acceptable to you. So how do u put it across in a subtle way to the family that you dont like there son/daughter for xyz reason…
I mean how do u reject by not looking bad.. and is it still possible to maintain the relationship among the families once there is negativity in the air… they might b thinking ‘she rejected my daughter and has the nerves to call me n ask me how i am doing, how dare she…?’
Sure, it's possible to maintain the relationship and why wouldn't it be? Had this been purposely done for the proposal, you need not to care about what they think. They are quiet selfish to alienate you for saying NO to them.
I think rishtey done between friends go wrong anyway. If the couple has problems the parents get involved also the relationship you have with the family changes drastically because you are not just family friends anymore, they are your in laws and it is commonly known that a lot of people dont get on with their in laws.
Anyway, back to your situation, did you know this was going to be a proposal? Or did it come out of the blue? If you knew, then you should have avoided the whole dinner/ rishta situation.
I am talking in general, the flaws of our desi society..
let me put myself in the scenario and explain it... the potential inlaws come to meet me, we like the family all is nice n dandy, but i dont like the guy coz hes a tad too short. So how do my parents tell them that there son has been rejected.
I mean many a times what happens is people just dont respond back, they go on this silent mode and expect you to understand ultimately. But thats too rude, one needs to expect that when one is putting themself in the market there is a probibilty that u might get rejected also.
Sometimes silence is better than saying anything, you may say something that might hurt the person, so it might be better to stay quiet.
I know that when you are on the market you might get rejected but being rejected hurts and the reason might hurt even more. So is it not best to stay quiet?
can you say there is a personality incompatability, or that you wish for a partner who is more domesticated or something like that?
Personally speaking from an outsiders point of view, saying he was shorter than expected seems a little shallow.
If he was a perfect life partner in every other way would you overlook the height issue.
from what Ive seen you'll never get exactly what you're looking for.
What if my istikhara comes out as ‘yes’? Why would allah miaN send contrary data packets to the two parties? Do you think both sides are getting data packets from the same source or are their heavenly bookies fixing the game?
[quote=“Feminazi”]
I am talking in general, the flaws of our desi society..
let me put myself in the scenario and explain it… the potential inlaws come to meet me, we like the family all is nice n dandy, but i dont like the guy coz hes a tad too short. So how do my parents tell them that there son has been rejected.
why should you feel bad for rejecting a guy because he is short. a lot of people reject girls because they are not gori enough, dont have nice skin, or are too fat. if girls can be judged by looks than why cant a guy. you can also say you want to work after marriage if it is considered a bad thing for them.
I guess the ego factor comes into play out here, u feel u have been undermined by the other party, that they think low of u. However that is not the case, its a matter of choice, pasand, comapatibilty. Everyone has thr right to search for something close to their ideals..
