Re: Regretful needs advise
I respect everyone's opinion, but, "It wasn't me" or " What she doesn't know can't hurt her" is VERY VERY VERY dangerous logic. According to this logic, a person might commit literally any crime and get away with it by lying or denying.
Advice for you roxy? I have none. There're too many factors involved.
Re: Regretful needs advise
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Advice for you roxy? I have none. There're too many factors involved.
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Why did you bother replying. Thanks for sharing your pearls of wisdom with us. We are all indebted to your intelligent yet empty logic of critcising others without coming up with a single helpful comment.
Re: Regretful needs advise
why is everyone assuming the husband cheated on his wife? 
Maybe it was something else?
I recently came across a little secret that my dad has kept from us for a very long time - I personally haven’t asked him about it, but I really detest the fact that we were not told.
TNW is right - it depends on the wife - is she the kind of person who can handle the truth and move on? Or not?
Personally, I would tell my hubby/partnet/whatever the truth. The guilt can eat you up for the rest of your life and sooner or later it will come out.
But then again, in this world, most people are not easily-forgiving, and they can’t work through set-backs. So, its up to the hubby and how well he knows his wife can handle the truth.
The good thing is that he’s very sorry about it. And maybe his wife is the type that will allow for one mistake? As long as they agree that he doesn’t do it again?
Depends on also if they have kids - what else is at stake - that sort of thing.
Re: Regretful needs advise
The truth always comes out in one way or another. Whatever the situation is. A marriage is a partnership. It's two people who are working together as a team for a shared goal. So if one person is sick, the other cares for the other one until they're better. If one is upset or troubled the other will listen to the other's troubles. When you start thinking of me instead of US then problems happen. Even if you haven't expressed the situation to your wife I'm sure she senses that something is wrong. Maybe she's waiting for you to open up to her. Maybe she's afraid to know what it is. The problem is that if you want to save her from being hurt then is it not too late? There is also the possibility that if you can just brush the situation under the rug, then in a way you're telling yourself that it's ok. And maybe then you can do this again.
Admitting your guilt is repentance. It's asking for forgiveness. It's clearing your conscience, it's giving your wife the respect of losing your pride in front of her. She has the option of forgiving you. But ultimately it's Allah who has to forgive ...whatever the situation.
Re: Regretful needs advise
I just wanted to thanku all for sharing your thoughts.
Personally, it has ben a traumatic experience knowing you have committed a sin which can destroy life as you know it. Not one night or day doesnt pass without me worrying and demonizing myself, I guess thats a little bit of God's retribution.
I have to agree with what whimsical had to say, it was straight, justifiable and the correct thing to do. But here lies my conundrum: I do not want to lose my wife, cause she is the women I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, how do i do that by not being honest? Or, how does one be honest and then expect the other person not to do the right thing? I guess, my not wanting her to know reasoning is an attempt to prevent any damage to our relationship, not to hurt her and maybe a selfish motive to get away with this incredible mistake. I dont know to be honest, but one thing is for sure I do not want to lose her.
Re: Regretful needs advise
^ you both are stupid. i think you're desperate to tell her about your adventure but fear to lose her. you want two pleasures in one. either enjoy telling her your "manly act" and lose her or make her feel bad by crushing her pride in her husband or keep your mouth shut and get the benefit of keeping her.
Re: Regretful needs advise
Roxy! I apologize if I hurt your feelings. I'm no saint, and, I'm certainly not the best judge in this case. You're the best judge. God welcomes the sinner who repents. My prayers are with you and your family.
Re: Regretful needs advise
You’r right, part of me is desperate to tell her, get it over with, pay my debts and atone for my sins. Then again, that would be about me and not her.
Re: Regretful needs advise
I think your wife has the right to know. For all you know, she has been miserable, and has been putting up with your sorry self because she vowed to be faithful to this marriage.. if you're not being faithful, then she can walk away knowing that she did everything to make it work. And as far as the story about loving your wife and wanting to spend the rest of your life with her, I don't think that you really feel that way or you never would of done what you did.
You had your fun, now its up to her to forgive you or not.. You should tell her and let her make here choice.. that is showing some respect for her, not keeping her in the dark, lying like a dog. I think it would hurt more to be lied to then to give her this respect. No doubt she will be flipping mad at first, but she may forgive you..
Re: Regretful needs advise
basturd.
Re: Regretful needs advise
^ Human beings are not infallible Catty.
I would have to agree w/ Saimanyc here - it is best that you tell her. If you two love each other than there is a chance that she might forgive you. I think the bigger question is, will you stop yourself from committing the same mistake again because she might not be as forgiving the next time around.
Re: Regretful needs advise
What about the other person involved? Doesn't she deserve some consideration as well?
Re: Regretful needs advise
^^That was what I was wondering too. He has wronged two women and he is sincere with neither, what a screwed up and heartless person!
Re: Regretful needs advise
This is an age old question...to tell or not to tell.
Let me put it this way... your wife right now is living (and probably loving) the person (you) who really isn't what she thinks he is. Meaning, she doesn't know you are a cheater. So, if you can live with yourself with this thought, than do not tell her.
I say tell her and let her decide if she wants to carry on living with you or not. At least you owe her that much.
Re: Regretful needs advise
Repent sincerely and seek forgiveness from God. If you are sincere in it, you wont make this mistake again and that is the best you can give to your wife. Spare her from the agony of information if you are confident that you have learnt the lesson and have grown not to commit this again. Other options arent workable.
Re: Regretful needs advise
Cheating has been known to be like an addiction for those
who committ it.
If you have done it once, you run a high risk
of doing it again specially if you were to get away with it unknown the first
time around. My opinion you should tell your wife. You have
broken a vow that you had promised to cherish throughout your
life. In which case, your wife has a right to know that you have
broken that vow and it's a decision solely hers if she wants to
keep all those she made towards you i.e. by staying married to
you. By keeping it to yourself and not letting her know you will
make yourself vulnerable towards doing it again. If she decides
to stay with your regardless and starts keeping strict tabs on you,
it may keep you from screwing with your relationship next time and
more importantly it might also protect you above everything else from
screwing with your own life. Something you should also be concerned
about. As for repenting, your repentance with Allah is a different matter
and should have nothing to do with you telling or not telling your wife.
You need to tell her period. And you need to repent towards Allah
regardless.
Re: Regretful needs advise
This was my first and last mistake, it happened as a consenting adult, no excuses. Will it happen again? No. This experience has taught me the virtue of trust and sanctity of vows. The other person was also a consenting adult, guess two people got together at the wrong time and wrong place. My wife has always been absoluetly faithful and trusting, typical desi wife. Does she know or suspect something? No. Do I love her? Yes, though my actions speak otherwise, I accept that as valid criticism.
Thanku all for sharing your opinions, please pray for my family.
