Regret?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Regret?

He really doesnt have the right to tell her where to spend her money...just sayin

22

Re: Regret?

She is not that evil, she has taken cared off children and does her domestic chores, a great cook, a pleasant host and a good bahu taken cared of her Mother in law in her last few years as he did for his in laws.

Just that lately they do not seem to be altogether.

Never heard them arguing but he seemed disappointed when he spoke to close friends.

My plan, when I meet him again is:

To tell him to hang on.

Married life has bumps and he should hold on to the railings till the rocky ride is over.

A third child may bring something new for them to look forward to.

OK. :slight_smile: :sigh:

P.S. The right is a big word. When a man really gets in to his right, someone gets hurt ya know.

Some women just have a way to push their luck! Then they regret.

23

Re: Regret?

Ok so after reading all the above:
1. Guy marries naive girl on moms recommendation.
2. Girl moves to USA
3. Girl doesn't want to drive or study. Hubby helps her get over fears.
4. Girl gets a nice job.
5. Hubby doesntvlike her changed attitude.
6. Turmoil begins at home.
7. We have a life1 thread!!!!

If she's a nice lady otherwise, do you think HIS attitude may hav caused her to becom this way?

24

Re: Regret?

its always that…you don’t really need to bring it up :hehe:

25

Re: Regret?

Does the husband expect the wife to declare to one and all and at every opportunity that everything she is , is because of her husband. Coz thats wht i am getting from this.

OK, so he encouraged her to drive / study/work. But it it ever occur to him that she was always smart. To come from a "dependent" environment in the east and totally adapt herself to now live a successful hi-fi lifestyle is probably more to do with her than the husband. You can take a horse to drink water but cannot make it drink it.

She had those capabilities. One can't promote a stupid person. He encouraged and nurtured her. It was his duty. Like how it all men's duty. But men in our society are not taught to think like that. So if they do encourage their wives to step it up a bit, then they some how become extra ordinary human beings, because he had actually had the heart to think for his wife. I don't think she is indebted to him forever. Are we to forever grovel at our parents feet coz they took care of us/educated us ???

Does he only feel worthy if the wife is dependent on him. Are you sure its not his ego that is hurt. That she dosen't really "need" him. Dosen't need his permission to go out, dosen't need his money to shop. Its like he realized all of a sudden now all she needs is love from me and that is not enough to make to me feel like a man. He could feeling a bit left out if all his friends have housewives to are ready with a cuppa as soon as the husband comes from work ???

So since the wife is an ehsan -faramosh, he though of divorce ??? Must she bath him in milk everyday and shower him with praises. When you do something kind for another human being, you should never expect to be thanked. Agar right haath daan karta hai toh left hand koh paata bhi nahi chalna chahiye ( or something like tht ).

This uncle-ji just seems confused to me. He is at a stage in his life where i feel, that kids have grown up and wife is busy , plus he has enough money so dosen't really need to work so he is bored.

26

Re: Regret?

Here you go. Tell your friend that there is a difference between dealing with children and your spouse :smack: Parents children relationship is one way mostly as even at the old age, parents will be there for children and do everything for them being parents. So this is completely unconditional and therefore out of context in the marital relationship. And then even parents are unreasonable sometimes, just too blind to the needs and emotional requirements/tendencies of their children and therefore even the children back away from such parents. When even parents children relationship weakens because of lack of understanding and flexibility how do you expect your spouse to be a puppet and you pull their strings. I think your friend needs to realize the situation and be rather happy at his wife’s independent status and confidence instead of discouraging her now. It was he after all who helped her gaining this independent status and now he is apprehensive. Tell your friend to have a bigger heart and consider his wife as a partner, a companion and no a child or a subordinate.

27

Re: Regret?

Yes, he should not have been so helpful to her,

…Ghar Ki Chapati Se bhi Gaya! Baychara! :hehe:

I am sure she did have her own qualities, was well educated. Needed help though. No ehsaan. He just did not expect her saying its her money or life.

Oh yes there is difference in children and wife. Children can live a separate life after they grow up. They may still say its our lives dad, but wife is expected to live with husband, cannot say its MY life.. :wink:

I am not sure why he is not seen as a nice guy and someone who did something which many husbands may not do. ** He did not ask her to praise him day and night.
**
He probably over-reacted on unexpected response from her.

Yes he should be happy for her being confident and independant and that is why he did what he did for her.

So now the question is what shold be our attitude from this?

1- Feel sorry for the him for being so nice. Advice others not to do the same!

2-** Not feel sorry for him** since he was the one who sort of forced her to become free. I mean if she gave him an answer back on his face, he deserved it.

3- Tell him to leave her alone in her independent life. Marry someone else. (Not recoended by me-he has yong children besides third one in on the way)

4- Ignore her comments and wait for her to grow up more. :slight_smile:

5- Make her stay home. :smiley:

28

Re: Regret?

excuse me!!! sir. Are we living in stone age? so this is how you take the status of a wife world calls one's "life partner". 3000 years back the status of slaves and women was same. You reminded me just the same phase.

d i s g u s t i n g.

29

Re: Regret?

I really really really don't think all the above mentioned is worthy enough for a divorce!!

They're obviously going through a rough patch, and need some support and duas to become a happy loving couple. He clearly must have loved her to nuture and support her in the past. I'm sure deep down she does appreciate it, though she may not actively show it. I think he's hurt right now, but I have a strong feeling that his hurt ego is probably making him act distant and cold with her.. so God knows how she feels about this! Every marriage goes through ups and downs.. you as a family friend have to support him and advise him to treat her with extra love and respect.. She'll definitely respond to that.. It's just a matter of bringing two hearts back together again!

30

Re: Regret?

Thandi Lassi Chahiye? :wink:

Even husband cannot say its ‘His’ life.

When two individuals marry they do not have their independant lives. Simple concept.

Claiming that “it’s MY life”, none of your business" in marriage, is disgusting!

This is one of the main reason of do many divorces these days.

I am an adult. I am independent. I know what I am doing. ITS MY LIFE!, I do not need you. What do you give me anyways? Sex? Money? Pyar Ke Do Bol? I can get that anyways… bla bla.. :hehe:

(You think slavery is abolished? But leave it. That is another discussion.)

31

Re: Regret?

Agreed. :)

32

Re: Regret?

I appreciate one's independence even in a marriage but the person you spend days and nights with, share all your happiness and stress with , and still if you think it's my and your life , don't think that's sustainable relationship then ..

33

Re: Regret?

so what did you decide dewannabe? ; )

34

Re: Regret?

cannot husband and wife simply compromise with each other's level of comfort and make life easier for each other? I guess this is what a marital relation is supposed to mean. Care and console and NOT make another's life rather more complicated.

I believe if your friend was more cooperative and friendly with his wife she wouldnt mind giving away her life for him. My husband is cooperative and caring and therefore there is nothing he might ask and I refuse. Your relationship is always two way. You can never expect one party to be your belonging and run at your beck and call. I agree that financial matters should be dealt with more wisely. If his wife is into careless spending she should be suggested to be wise because its wrong from even religious point of view to burn your money. But such issues shouldnt let the husband become disappointed with his wife and start complaining (even if he is doing it with his closest friends). Relation of husband and wife is above all. And things can be resolved on table/pillow talk. If one doesnt seem to be listening the other should wait and be patient. And again, it goes for both husband and wife.

35

Re: Regret?

I believe love and care are the basic rudiments for a successful marriage .. compromise and sacrifice come by itself.. compromises can't make you fall in love with your spouse , love makes you compromise and even sacrifice in a marriage.. marriage should be based purely on mutual love otherwise it's a compromise in the first place.. and that's why I don't ever support marriage being arranged..

36

Re: Regret?

I'll tell him to lock her up. Ask her to cook everyday, do laundary, and give him a smile when he comes back from work. ;)

Good but disagree with bold part. There are more if not same expectations, demands and even heartbreaks in so called "love" marriages.

37

Re: Regret?

I know and that's the biggest dilemma more a puzzle in human history that no one seems to have an answer to.. marriage ! love or arranged ? arranged or love ? .. well you can't fight destiny, all you can do is decide your own future and m not into any arranged business mate!

38

Re: Regret?

oh this isnt about u? ; )

39

Re: Regret?

:smack:

I would not have let ‘her’ gone that far or would have discussed way before. :slight_smile:

40

Re: Regret?

oh yea, you’d be more like the controlling type. :wink: