Regret?

[diwana]

Re: Regret?

@Niksik

Ok so after reading all the above:

1. Guy marries naive girl on moms recommendation.
2. Girl moves to USA
3. Girl doesn’t want to drive or study. Hubby helps her get over fears.
4. Girl gets a nice job.
5. Hubby doesntvlike her changed attitude.
6. Turmoil begins at home.
7. We have a life1 thread!!!

If she’s a nice lady otherwise, do you think HIS attitude may hav caused her to becom this way?

Yes, he should not have been so helpful to her,

…Ghar Ki Chapati Se bhi Gaya! Baychara!

@payal_sharma

Does the husband expect the wife to declare to one and all and at every opportunity that everything she is , is because of her husband. Coz thats wht i am getting from this.

OK, so he encouraged her to drive / study/work. But it it ever occur to him that she was always smart. To come from a “dependent” environment in the east and totally adapt herself to now live a successful hi-fi lifestyle is probably more to do with her than the husband. You can take a horse to drink water but cannot make it drink it.

She had those capabilities. One can’t promote a stupid person. He encouraged and nurtured her. It was his duty. Like how it all men’s duty. But men in our society are not taught to think like that. So if they do encourage their wives to step it up a bit, then they some how become extra ordinary human beings, because he had actually had the heart to think for his wife. I don’t think she is indebted to him forever. Are we to forever grovel at our parents feet coz they took care of us/educated us ???

Does he only feel worthy if the wife is dependent on him. Are you sure its not his ego that is hurt. That she dosen’t really “need” him. Dosen’t need his permission to go out, dosen’t need his money to shop. Its like he realized all of a sudden now all she needs is love from me and that is not enough to make to me feel like a man. He could feeling a bit left out if all his friends have housewives to are ready with a cuppa as soon as the husband comes from work ???

So since the wife is an ehsan -faramosh, he though of divorce ??? Must she bath him in milk everyday and shower him with praises. When you do something kind for another human being, you should never expect to be thanked. Agar right haath daan karta hai toh left hand koh paata bhi nahi chalna chahiye ( or something like tht ).

This uncle-ji just seems confused to me. He is at a stage in his life where i feel, that kids have grown up and wife is busy , plus he has enough money so dosen’t really need to work so** he is bored**.

I am sure she did have her own qualities, was well educated. Needed help though. No ehsaan. He just did not expect her saying its her money or life.

@mirage

Here you go. Tell your friend that there is a difference between dealing with children and your spouse Parents children relationship is one way mostly as even at the old age, parents will be there for children and do everything for them being parents. So this is completely unconditional and therefore out of context in the marital relationship. And then even parents are unreasonable sometimes, just too blind to the needs and emotional requirements/tendencies of their children and therefore even the children back away from such parents. When even parents children relationship weakens because of lack of understanding and flexibility how do you expect your spouse to be a puppet and you pull their strings. I think your friend needs to realize the situation and be rather happy at his wife’s independent status and confidence instead of discouraging her now. It was he after all who helped her gaining this independent status and now he is apprehensive. Tell your friend to have a bigger heart and consider his wife as a partner, a companion and no a child or a subordinate.

Oh yes there is difference in children and wife. Children can live a separate life after they grow up. They may still say its our lives dad, but wife is expected to live with husband, cannot say its MY life..

I am not sure why he is not seen as a nice guy and someone who did something which many husbands may not do. ** He did not ask her to praise him day and night.
**
He probably over-reacted on unexpected response from her.

Yes he should be happy for her being confident and independant and that is why he did what he did for her.

So now the question is what shold be our attitude from this?

1- Feel sorry for the him for being so nice. Advice others not to do the same!

2-** Not feel sorry for him** since he was the one who sort of forced her to become free. I mean if she gave him an answer back on his face, he deserved it.

3- Tell him to leave her alone in her independent life. Marry someone else. (Not recoended by me-he has yong children besides third one in on the way)

4- Ignore her comments and wait for her to grow up more.

5- Make her stay home.