Re: Red flags
Once both the girl/guy are serious about marriage and their families saw no red flags and each side satisfied with the other, why delay the marriage?
But all of those things--becoming serious, figuring out the red flags, and becoming satisfied--that takes time. ONCE that happens, it's reasonable to get married fast, but getting to that point can take time, whether weeks or months and shouldn't be rushed.
Re: Red flags
all valid points. but consider this.
if the girls family just meets the guy once and then say Haan. and then they say that they want to get done with marriage as soon as possible...
red flag?
Re: Red flags
He doesn't involve his mom.
He wants to talk to you late at night.
He keeps promising his family will call and they don't or they don't sound so interested when they do call.
After he visits you his frequency of calls and texts decreased substantially.
He chooses to see you when parents are not around.
He wants to come into your apartment - NEVER let them come in alone.
i dunno after a gazillion rejections I am a pro at this.
Btw there are people who don't have many friends there are valid reasons:
-moving around for education / work a lot
-long working hours
-and social media - people don't interact in person anymore like they used to.
Re: Red flags
He doesn't involve his mom. ** He wants to talk to you late at night. **
He keeps promising his family will call and they don't or they don't sound so interested when they do call.
After he visits you his frequency of calls and texts decreased substantially. ** He chooses to see you when parents are not around.** ** He wants to come into your apartment - NEVER let them come in alone. **
i dunno after a gazillion rejections I am a pro at this.
Btw there are people who don't have many friends there are valid reasons: -moving around for education / work a lot -long working hours -and social media - people don't interact in person anymore like they used to.
The bits in blue are very common in non-arranged situations..
Don't think I'd necessarily call them red flags (especially if the couple are older) because a lot of people are doing these things and still going on to marry just fine, even if they're religiously and culturally frowned upon..
If you say 'I love you', and his reply is 'I love spending time with you' - then that is a red flag
Re: Red flags
^or if he replies just "thankyou"
Re: Red flags
If you say 'I love you', and his reply is 'I love spending time with you' - then that is a red flag
Why would someone say "I love you" during initial talks?
Re: Red flags
I think..those signs..ppl mentioned are great. Here are some of few..
1) She doesn't have friends..which means no friends and keep herself in the box. And choose not to be friends with outside world. Please run the other way! 2) If she doesn't take responsibility of her actions or consequences of her actions..or not say sorry if needs be then.. in other words "not my fault"....please run the other way! 3) Drama queens are insecure women..who tend to stir controversy especially when they are bored.. 4) She expects to be treated like princess..for what i mean....that her needs come first before anything else..including other person's resentment, anger or opinion.
Fawad, you're not going to believe it. I was almost tied to get married to this kind of girl. Phew got out of it sooner than later.
Re: Red flags
If a desi man is divorced and his ex wife is back in Pakistan with his son, If I ask him questions about it but he steers away from talking about it saying it’s a sensitive subject, is it a red flag? I need to know if it is a situation on whether or not he is not taking responsibility of the son or if it is a situation of the mother just does not want him to see his son because of divorce laws.
I need to know what i’m getting myself into.
I don’t want to judge a divorced man and think only negative stuff about him. One other divorced man I talked with initially said that communication is important in a relationship and all these wonderful words of kindness, generosity, blah blah blah as being important which gave me hope but then he lives 3 hours away and suggested i drive the 3 hours there and 3 hours back. He felt no empathy or chivalry for making me drive all the way there. When I suggested that it would be great if we could meet half way so it wouldn’t be such a huge drive for me, he said there’s nothing to see in the middle and that I should just drive over. We were meeting each other and not sight seeing. I can sight see his city on my own time in the future.
The guy was so selfish, arrogant and far from understanding and generous. I couldn’t imagine how it would be in the future. I could see why he was divorced.
Re: Red flags
If they are asking you to drive out to see them, and it’s a long distance, it is DESPICABLE on their character that they would put another human (doesn’t matter gender) in a difficulty. It’s just wrong.
Re: Red flags
Yes, this is a huge red flag for several reasons. 1) He may be hiding something that could impact you negatively once you’re married to him. 2) This also tells you that he is horrible at commutation and will refuse to discuss “sensitive/difficut” topics with you after marriage.
Re: Red flags
If he drives out sometimes as well (and it’s a “normal” drive ie basically safe) I don’t think it’s bad to travel long-distance to see him.. I actually didn’t mind doing this..
Re: Red flags
Yeah but this is the first time i’m going to see him in person since we met from an online shaadi site. I was all ready to drive over there but the fact that he wasn’t even open to meeting me half way is just so stubborn about how I should stay at his house in a separate room and drive back the next day was strange because he lives alone. The first weekend he was all done with his big project for work that took weeks and he was swamped that he couldn’t even meet me. He planned something with his friends that Saturday and expected me to meet his friends even if I haven’t even met him in person yet. It would’ve been so awkward, because I wanted to know him first and if it ends up working out then I would meet his friends.
The time when I got my purse stolen, he had no sympathy for me, he was like get over it’s not a big deal and that I should forget about it. It was a traumatic experience for me. I was really excited to meet him and hoping he was also just as excited he would’ve atleast suggested that he can drive over too or meet me half way too.
I would never judge someone just based on being divorced but this would be two bad experiences.
Re: Red flags
Yea… NO! 
Re: Red flags
Where the hell you women meet a man like that salam2k. Like seriously man!.
Re: Red flags
I actually agree what Paheli stated here. I neva thought about it before..but actually when i do..it does make sense that…anyone who steers away from talking about their past. Yes it could be it would have been too painful to discuss..but i believe..if you are talking to your significant other. You keep them in confidence and tell em truth whatever happened. Probably not the whole story..but at least answer the important questions.
Re: Red flags
He is a loser, and there is a reason he is divorced. He is not grown up.
I’m so done with guys who haven’t grown up. If you’re in you are 22+ (past college) and this is how you act, then sorry, you have a lot of growing up to do.
I sympathize, because there are A LOT of guys like him that are on these online sites. They are not serious. They are waiting for some Aishwarya Rai who cooks like she is the incarnate recreation of all the cooks on Pakistani channels combined, and can keep the house clean and be his therapist too. Women like that do not exist, and so they seek perfection and are not willing to settle down with someone they click with, and give in the saccrifices needed for a marriage.
Re: Red flags
That is odd.. Any time a guy or girl is stubborn like that and puts you in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable should be a red flag imo
Re: Red flags
Years and years ago I had an ex (Muslim) whose Mum would always ask me to stay over in their spare room if it was getting late.. I thought that was sweet :sid:
Re: Red flags
His mom and family were there. This guy is some single dude who is inviting her to stay in a spare room. Invite is not from his mom and the families don’t even know each other. Your situation seems different.