Red flags

[Sady]

Re: Red flags

That happened with me. Didnt understand at first what it was that I received on my whatsapp. But good thing it happened as that became a reason for me to never look back.

@OneYourMomWarnedAbt

Red flags:

• sends in a pic to show how well-endowed he is during the rishta process

[Sady]

Re: Red flags

Red flags are so many and differ from person to person. Below are few in no particular order:

1. Severe communication problems (Not talking about long distance because the communication problems are always there in such relationships).

2. Verbally abusive to other females.

3. Disrespect of his own mother/parents.

4. Wanting to get too close too fast.

5. Spying on you/monitoring your every move/Not giving you enough space.

6. Lies about facts/info about him & you accidentally discover.

7. Secretive about his whereabouts (In Pakistan, there are too many married men who say they’re single/divorced when that is not the case).

8. Insisting to get physical.

9. Insisting to make nikah very quick OR without informing your parents.

10. Him not believing in your ideas & you not believing in his ideas.

11. Uncontrollable temper which makes him get abusive.

12. Schizophrenic tendencies, like, not knowing about his own whereabouts. Telling you he has no clue what he was upto for the days you two were not in contact

13. Secretive about his basic info like his profession, place of residence, etc.

Cant think of more at this time.

[Laiha]

Re: Red flags

• Overly interested in you without properly getting to know you
• Gives off the “my way or the highway” vibe. Criticizes your approach to rishta talks and insists on doing things his way. Constantly makes rude, sarcastic comments about your ideas
• Doesn’t make an effort to accommodate your schedule / doesn’t put in the time to get to know you
• Doesn’t want to involve his family until an unforeseen future timeline (i.e. when he feels like a “connection” has developed)
• Changes his statement/stories (i.e. date of birth, field of study, work status, etc.), gets caught lying/hiding critical information and gives poor explanations in return
• Treats you like a number and forgets crucial details you’ve discussed in the past. It’s a sign he is talking to too many people at once and stringing many along
• Lets you know that ultimately the girl he marries will be of his mother’s choice but that it is important to him that he does the initial screening
• Tries sexting or pic exchange

[soconfused]

Re: Red flags

@LP

Why is that a red flag ?

@Fefe

The no friends is a red flag.

Have a friend whose husband has no friends and he demands her attention 24 hours a day. Even when away, he constantly skypes her. Doesn’t let her go out. Etc
This was a rushed marriage so didn’t know much about him.

I don’t talk to my husband about his father or how he died, it’s a very sensitive subject. All I know is what I’ve heard from his family.

Humans are social creatures and for someone to have no friends usually implies that they’re so obnoxious, dramatic, etc that they can’t maintain those type of relationships. I’ve met plenty of people that were introverts but I’ve also met 1-2 people that had zero friends and I quickly found out why.

Also like the other person said, people like that are overly demanding and needy because they don’t have other people to interact with. I dunno…it’s a red flag for me, at least.

[eastern11]

Re: Red flags

@redvelvet

I’ve always heard that you should be wary of the rishta that rushes a shadi and the one that is wishy-washy…as they are two extremes.

Yes, I always said that about the first one ( rushes the shadi) until I rushed the shadi myself.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Red flags

Anything that your mind fail to accept is a red-flag for u. One’s red flag might be other’s green

so gari ko chalana babu…zara halkey halkey halkey…

[Southie]

Re: Red flags

To some, green is the red flag.

To others, saffron.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Red flags

If they object to the way you dress, your work or lifestyle in general.. Why are they with you if it bothers them that much?

If they make derogatory comments about your family or friends..

Some of the red flags here don’t seem like red flags to me.. I actually think wanting to be close is sweet and pic exchange is normal.. that’s just me though.. Of course a lot of it depends on the situation as well..

[Laiha]

Re: Red flags

@Deeba1234

I actually think wanting to be close is sweet and pic exchange is normal.. that’s just me though.. Of course a lot of it depends on the situation as well..

haha deeba, without being too explicit, I meant pic exchange of a different kind. There are plenty of perverts out there, but especially online.

[Sady]

Re: Red flags

Yepz I agree with @Laiha. The red flag is sending perverted kind of picture of oneself & insisting you to do the same.

[Balthier]

Re: Red flags

@soconfused

Humans are social creatures and for someone to have no friends usually implies that they’re so obnoxious, dramatic, etc that they can’t maintain those type of relationships.

Or they might have social anxiety.

[Xtron]

Re: Red flags

I think..those signs..ppl mentioned are great. Here are some of few..

1. She doesn’t have friends..which means no friends and keep herself in the box. And choose not to be friends with outside world. Please run the other way!
2. If she doesn’t take responsibility of her actions or consequences of her actions..or not say sorry if needs be then.. in other words “not my fault”…please run the other way!
3. Drama queens are insecure women..who tend to stir controversy especially when they are bored..
4. She expects to be treated like princess..for what i mean…that her needs come first before anything else..including other person’s resentment, anger or opinion.

[Xtron]

Re: Red flags

@soconfused

Humans are social creatures and for someone to have no friends usually implies that they’re so obnoxious, dramatic, etc that they can’t maintain those type of relationships. I’ve met plenty of people that were introverts but I’ve also met 1-2 people that had zero friends and I quickly found out why.

Also like the other person said, people like that are overly demanding and needy because they don’t have other people to interact with. I dunno…it’s a red flag for me, at least.

I actually do agree with. I am someone who is social and interactive. But that doesn’t mean..i expect other ppl to be like that how i am. That is coz..we are different personalities. HOWever!..i have noticed about people who keep themselves away from outside world..is coz..they think..the whole world is out there to harm them. While..they are the ones who are insecure about themselves. And yes..they are drama kings/queens. Have seen it both Male and Female..into this subject. Ironically…they end up hurting people around them..without realizing any faults of their own.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Red flags

@Laiha

haha deeba, without being too explicit, I meant pic exchange of a different kind. There are plenty of perverts out there, but especially online.

Ohh.. I did wonder about that but wasn’t too sure..

I was going to write “up to a point” but then didn’t bother :sid:

[redvelvet]

Re: Red flags

@Xtron

HOWever!..i have noticed about people who keep themselves away from outside world..is coz..they think..the whole world is out there to harm them. .

Not necessarily. Can’t be applied to everyone. I know plenty of people who have an introvert personality, but they are fairly reasonable and considerate people that don’t care for drama. Similarly, not every extrovert personality is a pleasure to be around. It can be argued that some extroverts seek drama/limelight and thrive off of it. Allah ne har kisi ko aik jaisa nahi banaya.

[Xtron]

Re: Red flags

^Yar..Rv..i do recognize that..there are healthy introverts. I completely understand that. However..i am talking about those ppl..who tend to fall into either extremes. In this case..extreme sort of introversion. I know introverts, they are at least comfortable with some sort of communication..if they are comfortable with someone. Because..for them..it is important to build trust first. That is ok.

I am talking about.. and i think i should have mentioned..about people who fall into extremes. I know..an extreme sort of extrovert…tend to fall into trouble which the list goes on.

So red flags..become a red flag..when there is any sort of mis-trust or insecurity about themselves firstly. And people..image these sort of mis-trust and insecurity into other people.

[mulzious]

Re: Red flags

why would rushed marriage be a red flag? I can probably understand that they are hiding something and don’t want to take any chances of being exposed.

but there can be good reasons for a rushed marriage too? especially if the girls side asks for a quick marriage! Any thoughts?

[LP]

Re: Red flags

@mulzious

why would rushed marriage be a red flag? I can probably understand that they are hiding something and don’t want to take any chances of being exposed.

but there can be good reasons for a rushed marriage too? especially if the girls side asks for a quick marriage! Any thoughts?

I think I’d want a quick marriage. I don’t see it as a red flag though. Once decided who you want to marry, just get married. Longer the wait, more issues, more expectations and more frustration.

[StrangeOne]

Re: Red flags

@mulzious

why would rushed marriage be a red flag? I can probably understand that they are hiding something and don’t want to take any chances of being exposed.

but there can be good reasons for a rushed marriage too? especially if the girls side asks for a quick marriage! Any thoughts?

Larki burhi ho rahi hai as the seconds tick by, or they have horrible relatives that might try to break the rishta, or they’re worried about post engagement impropriety.

[Sady]

Re: Red flags

Once both the girl/guy are serious about marriage and their families saw no red flags and each side satisfied with the other, why delay the marriage?