Re: Red Flag?
Just to Clarify, those questions are THE FIRST communication I've had from these people!
Our house is pretty small for my family income - so just sitting in your living room does not give it all away.
You can guess the standard of living you're used to surely? My dad drives a 16 year old car, but that does in no way indicate what he has/earns.
exactly. I think those are fairly legitimate questions, but perhaps they could've been worded more tactfully?
no that's not true. We know people that live in estates on the beach here in CA but they're drowning in debt. I live in an EXTREMELY small house but we are more financially secure atm than a friend who lives in a 7 bedroom house. If you were to use houses to compare our assets, our house would be their servants' quarters.
The thing is, that it's totally your right to be offended, however it's also their right to make sure they address everything important to them. Though asking salary outright isn't super polite, I can see what they mean. I had a rishta from a guy that had no job because he was in school. I'm in med school atm and my parents wanted to know what the guy planned on doing considering I couldn't contribute financially at all. My parents DID ask what kind of salary he could be expected to make (he had a random not very common career path).
I don't think it's a red flag but your reaction to their questions points to a difference in thinking. The same said guy (who was offended that my parents asked bout him praying) ended up having issues with other things too...he thought my family was "backwards" because i wanted his dad to talk to my dad to finalize things, i wasn't allowed to be super open and go out with him at the outset, etc. Perhaps your line of thinking is different from theirs, too?
True, this is the thing, you can't judge much from a persons salary surely, sometimes lifestyles are designed around your salary, I remember an interview on the Radio with Chris Moyles, he was on something like £10,000 a month however he wasn't paid for a few months due to an admin error and he got annoyed, some people commented that surely if you're earning £10k a month, a couple of months isn't going to kill you, however his lifestyle will be designed to revolve around earning that amount, so he will probbably have much larger outgoings than most people. So it's all relative.
sidenote: as a girl that had a very horrible experience with the process, i will say this. If you have been talking to the girl and things are getting serious (but you are now having doubts) PLEASE discuss things with her and don't just back out and disappear. Perhaps the questioning is a misunderstanding. Don't ruin an otherwise good match with stuff like this, unless you realize that THERE IS a huge difference in thinking.
This was their first ever communication with me, hence the massive red flags (for me)
Yea, I was going to add if the girl and her family seem like nice people don't back out just because they asked a question or two that you didn't consider quite so appropriate. I honestly feel like OP you are over reacting. You said you haven't shown them a picture yet so what's wrong when they asked for a close-up picture? You also don't mind they asked about your siblings. So - it just comes down to them asking your salary. That one thing shouldn't be a deal breaker. Unless there are other things that you were already weary about then I suppose this was the last straw for you.
See above.
the question about siblings education and careers is sometimes asked because they are trying to gauge what the family is like overall, id education and career important or not. Additionally, sometimes it is indicative of what an individual's commitments could be. if someone is a well educated professional but siblings are not and are doing minimum wage work then more than likely the higher level of responsibility for parents in future or even for siblings could be on the person who is doing well. It is just something good to know.
This is true, but asking the question (to me it reads "how much do they make") before even asking if they're married, where they live or about their families or anything seems weird to me.
To me it just indicates a sign of the times, money before all else.
2 Good ways to put this are as follows.
1) I'd rather be crying in the back of a BMW than laughing on the back of a bike (Chinese TV reality show)
2) Eating Dall with people you love tastes much nicer than haute cuisine with people you hate.
I'm not materialistic on any level, probably because I've had material things and understand that their real value is actually... zero.
