Red Flag?

[yoda121]

Re: Red Flag?

@soconfused

couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s surprising and appalling that boys’ families have the guts to ask for the most ridiculous things and the girl’s side has to grin and bear it in the name of “arranged marriage”. yet, boys have their panties in a bunch if you ask them a few questions.

I would want to know if I would be unable to afford the lifestyle I have now, being single. It’s not to say that I would automatically say no to a guy (I was willing to consider a jobless student for a while until he got his feet on the ground, after all) but I don’t want to be in a position where I think I’m going to be able to afford shopping/going out/gift giving like I do now only to find that my husband can’t afford it. I’d like to say I’d adjust but…it’s not an easy one (see all those marriages that fall apart when things go sour financially?).

Also, look at it from the girl’s side (again). Why would you knowingly hand off your daughter to someone that can’t provide basic necessities? I know you’re going to say “well you don’t need to know salary to know if I can provide a house, car, etc”. Okay, true…kind of. But “basicl necessities” vary from family to family. Her family just wants to make sure that you guys are at the same level financially. Perhaps it was a rude way of asking so directly but you have to understand where it’s coming from.

Reha’s right. The thing is, parents are going to ask you questions like these. If you have a problem with it and don’t think that the parents have a right to do so, then you’re out of luck. Find another way to meet a girl because no one’s going to give you their daughter without making sure everything checks out. Money is ALWAYS brought up, in my experience and families that get butt-hurt bout it, are usually considered sketchy.

You have the right to feel however you want. The only reason I’m responding is because you sound a LOT like the guy I’ve been mentioning. And it was the most disrespectful, baffling experience ever. You may think you’re God’s gift to womankind but if you get annoyed and nitpick at questions people ask every time (and they will, trust me), you’re going to have issues. Said guy, who both have similar mentalities and couldn’t handle the fact that my dad asked him if he prayed and what he was going to do if he couldn’t find a job with SUPER RANDOM grad degree, is still single at 32, despite the fact that he’s been looking for 2-3 years and has practically visited the homes of every eligible girl in our city.

There’s a lot of stupid stuff that occurs in arranged settings. Tea trolly nonsense, asking the girl if she can cook, ridiculous demands from both sides. You gotta pick and choose your battles and more importantly develop a tougher skin. No one’s picking on you for your money. They’re trying to learn about you considering the fact that you’re a COMPLETE stranger. As my parents told supersensitive boy and his family: “if we were trying to pick on you / imply you were lying, you would never be invited into our house and allowed to interact with my daughter”. If they were willing to discuss things with you, they clearly see SOMETHING. They just gotta make sure everything is in order.

True on your first point, I guess you would want to know if someone can provide basic necessities however this is subjective as you mentioned.

Personally Money has never been brought up in any of my experiences (apart from this one) in such a direct fashion. In fact I’ve generally not been asked any questions in such detail.

I’ve been asked about education, hobbies, about my previous marriage, a little bit about work interests (what I sell, where I sell it,) and things like that. (this is the UK too don’t forget where this question isn’t ideal)

Another thing is, I don’t tend to brag. One rishta I went to see, their son also happened to run a business in a similar field to mine, however my dad happened to ask him what he does, cue 10 minute bragging session about how he’s got years of experience doing it and all sorts of other things. I tend to be very much the opposite as I have a different character.

I tend to appreciate things/people for what/who they are, heck some people LOL when I tell them my favourite things such as car. I have a friend that has his standard, if anything’s not to his standard he will turn his nose at it and walk away, be it car, food, people whatever.
I think that’s pretty sad personally.