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Re: Recently got engaged but confused
ibteda-e-ishq hai rota hai kia
aagay aagay dekhyee hota hai kia
PS: 3 years long engagement is a BIG no no in my dictionary for this and other reasons.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
you were engaged, not married yet, and if something is not working out then it is better to break it.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
I dont hav a choice id get a nikah right nw if i could bt parents dont agree. sigh
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
you were engaged, and if something is not working out then it is better to break it.
no choice once again. family issues mean can't break it off. these things r usually for life
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
no choice once again. family issues mean can't break it off. these things r usually for life
to be honest with you, these rishtari dari thing shoule not matter in your relation. they are not the one who spend life with you.
it will be you and your to be husband. if he ignores you now while still doesnt have job what could you expect from him.
you need to bring your situation in front of your parents because they initiated you to talk with him and now you find some ignoring behavior.
they can directly ask from his parent about his problem.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
Firstly, you DO have a choice. But...for whatever reason, you feel that the BEST CHOICE for you is to go through this marriage despite not being happy...then that your decision. But please understand and accept that you are CHOOSING to go through with this engagement. No one is holding a gun to your head and especially since you're in the U.S., I'm assuming that you will not be in physical danger if you end this. Yes, people will be upset and there will be crying/yelling etc.....but after a few months...years....everyone will get over it.
But this is not what you WANT to hear. To focus on what you actually asked.....why are you texting him daily? He's not texting you daily right? Did he ever ask you to text him daily? What made you come to the conclusion that he will be upset/mad/sad if you text him once a week or once every 2-3 weeks?
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
to be honest with you, these rishtari dari thing shoule not matter in your relation. they are not the one who spend life with you.
it will be you and your to be husband. if he ignores you now while still doesnt have job what could you expect from him.
you need to bring your situation in front of your parents because they initiated you to talk with him and now you find some ignoring behavior.
they can directly ask from his parent about his problem.
i don't know. it's so hard to fnd nice guys these days. and he has good habits as far as i can see. i just dont know what to do. do i stop contactng him and see if he contacts me or do i just break it off? and on what basis? i can't really say he just ignores me beecause in our khandans were not supposed to talk that much pre-marrage anyway!
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
Firstly, you DO have a choice. But...for whatever reason, you feel that the BEST CHOICE for you is to go through this marriage despite not being happy...then that your decision. But please understand and accept that you are CHOOSING to go through with this engagement. No one is holding a gun to your head and especially since you're in the U.S., I'm assuming that you will not be in physical danger if you end this. Yes, people will be upset and there will be crying/yelling etc.....but after a few months...years....everyone will get over it.
But this is not what you WANT to hear. To focus on what you actually asked.....why are you texting him daily? He's not texting you daily right? Did he ever ask you to text him daily? What made you come to the conclusion that he will be upset/mad/sad if you text him once a week or once every 2-3 weeks?
i cme to the conclusion because dont people get used to it if they hear from the other person everyday? r u saying if i dont txt daily nothing will happen? maybe you're right. can you give me more advice on this point?
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
LOL @ haram police
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
Firstly, you DO have a choice. But...for whatever reason, you feel that the BEST CHOICE for you is to go through this marriage despite not being happy...then that your decision. But please understand and accept that you are CHOOSING to go through with this engagement. No one is holding a gun to your head and especially since you're in the U.S., I'm assuming that you will not be in physical danger if you end this. Yes, people will be upset and there will be crying/yelling etc.....but after a few months...years....everyone will get over it.
But this is not what you WANT to hear. To focus on what you actually asked.....why are you texting him daily? He's not texting you daily right? Did he ever ask you to text him daily? What made you come to the conclusion that he will be upset/mad/sad if you text him once a week or once every 2-3 weeks?
i kno i have a choice bt will breaking it off be the right one? my parents will never wnt to speak to me again n i love them alot so i just dont know whats right and whats the right thing to do!
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
i don't know. it's so hard to fnd nice guys these days. and he has good habits as far as i can see. i just dont know what to do. do i stop contactng him and see if he contacts me or do i just break it off? and on what basis? i can't really say he just ignores me beecause in our khandans were not supposed to talk that much pre-marrage anyway!
so you are ok with guy, but ignoring thing make you uncomfortable.
he may be busy with his studies/searching job/etc.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
Well you're calling him "a man" so it's just not him who's being distant.
Sometimes it's hard to keep up with such relationships, may be you can go to Pakistan again and try spending sometime with him and then decide if you want to marry him or not.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
i kno i have a choice bt will breaking it off be the right one? my parents will never wnt to speak to me again n i love them alot so i just dont know whats right and whats the right thing to do!
but that thing is momentary and could stay for weeks/month.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
He not your husband...........yet.
So...take a break..
PS......you got engaged to man from pakistan........here at this forum...it automatically translates into divorce.......so yea...keep that in mind...
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
so you are ok with guy, but ignoring thing make you uncomfortable.
he may be busy with his studies/searching job/etc.
he's a nice guy, u may be rite.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
but that thing is momentary and could stay for weeks/month.
please make dua. i just want to make the best decsion
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
He not your husband...........yet.
So...take a break..
PS......you got engaged to man from pakistan........here at this forum...it automatically translates into divorce.......so yea...keep that in mind...
hmm. thanks, ur right, ill take an emotional break. bt i don't believe in divorce. if i gt married id do anything in my power nt to gt divorced.
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
please make dua. i just want to make the best decsion
i would suggest you to do istikhara.
may Allah allows you to make best decision. aameen
Re: Recently got engaged but confused
i cme to the conclusion because dont people get used to it if they hear from the other person everyday? r u saying if i dont txt daily nothing will happen? maybe you're right. can you give me more advice on this point?
Yes, it is true that people do get used to it if they have someone texting them daily. BUT....your conclusion is that he will be upset/mad if you change your behavior. Based on his current behavior, how do you even he actually cares whether or not you text him daily? And if he doesn't care...then he won't be upset/mad right?
Honestly....here are my thoughts: You're 22, in the U.S., and have a job (so I'm assuming you're educated). You said "yes" to an engagement from a guy in Pakistan who doesn't have a job. And in all honestly....you ONLY know about him what others have told you. It's not like you really know HIM that well. And to top it all off....the marriage isn't for 3 more years!
What is your rush in getting engaged NOW....if you're ok with waiting 3 YEARS to get married?!!
This is what I would do if I were you:
STOP texting/calling him. Wait and see if he makes contact with you. IF he does....then respond and slowly try to get to know him. Again...you have 3 frigging years. Even IF he initiates contact....actually spend time seeing if you feel compatible with him. Now if let's say 1-2 months goes by...and you don't hear from him at all.....then that should be a clear message to you that he's also not that interested in you as his future wife. And THEN you can begin the talk of breaking this off.
Please don't say "yes" to this guy (or any other guy) just b/c you think "good guys" are hard to find. That "desperate" mentality will get you into a unhappy marriage. And don't for a minute fool yourself into thinking that an unhappy marriage is somehow "better" than being single. You're 22....there's no rush.