Recently got engaged but confused

[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@STA

i would suggest you to do istikhara.

may Allah allows you to make best decision. aameen

ameen. is istikhara allowed even if ur already engaged? thanku

[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@Paheli00

Yes, it is true that people do get used to it if they have someone texting them daily. BUT…your conclusion is that he will be upset/mad if you change your behavior. Based on his current behavior, how do you even he actually cares whether or not you text him daily? And if he doesn’t care…then he won’t be upset/mad right?

Honestly…here are my thoughts: You’re 22, in the U.S., and have a job (so I’m assuming you’re educated). You said “yes” to an engagement from a guy in Pakistan who doesn’t have a job. And in all honestly…you ONLY know about him what others have told you. It’s not like you really know HIM that well. And to top it all off…the marriage isn’t for 3 more years!

What is your rush in getting engaged NOW…if you’re ok with waiting 3 YEARS to get married?!!

This is what I would do if I were you:

STOP texting/calling him. Wait and see if he makes contact with you. IF he does…then respond and slowly try to get to know him. Again…you have 3 frigging years. Even IF he initiates contact…actually spend time seeing if you feel compatible with him. Now if let’s say 1-2 months goes by…and you don’t hear from him at all…then that should be a clear message to you that he’s also not that interested in you as his future wife. And THEN you can begin the talk of breaking this off.

Please don’t say “yes” to this guy (or any other guy) just b/c you think “good guys” are hard to find. That “desperate” mentality will get you into a unhappy marriage. And don’t for a minute fool yourself into thinking that an unhappy marriage is somehow “better” than being single. You’re 22…there’s no rush.

thanks for the advice alot of the things u said r right

[uzair1]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

I dont know, I cant see myself showing much enthusiasm for a long distance phone/sms/chat relationship.

the purpose of lengthy engagements IMO, is to secure an option until a better one comes along. they are a sign of desperation.

[STA]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@BornConfused

ameen. is istikhara allowed even if ur already engaged? thanku

it doesnt matter. istekhara means that you are taking consultation from Allah.

+ve signs: you should marry him.
you may see a dream/ situation become positive/ everyone talk about good thing about your rishta/ you will feel good within your heart..

-ve sign: you shouldnt marry him.
situation become worsen/ everyone hates your rishta/ you dont have inner peace or feeling

above mentioned signs are my understanding of istekhara. it is better for you to ask more from local imam/scholar near your area.

[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@STA

it doesnt matter. istekhara means that you are taking consultation from Allah.

+ve signs: you should marry him.
you may see a dream/ situation become positive/ everyone talk about good thing about your rishta/ you will feel good within your hear..

-ve sign: you shouldnt marry him.
situation become worsen/ everyone hates your rishta/ you dont have inner peace or feeling

thank u very much. how do i go about conducting an istikhara, people say different things. thanks

[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@uzair1

I dont know, I cant see myself showing much enthusiasm for a long distance phone/sms/chat relationship.

what is the purpose of lengthy engagements, really?

dont really know.if it had been upto me i’d have preferred a nkah

[uzzybuzzy]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

3 years engagement?! Why the wait?

[STA]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@BornConfused

thank u very much. how do i go about conducting an istikhara, people say different things. thanks

It is very simple. you can do it after any Fraz salah.

you need to make intention of two raka of nafal salah of istekhara.

when you done with salah, now you need to read drood before and after following duwa of istekhara. you can see two underline word (haza al amr), when you reach there you can visualize your situation.

i hope my response could help you

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[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@uzzybuzzy

3 years engagement?! Why the wait?

long story. apparently long engagements are als the norm. some norm

[Mirch]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

How much and how often do you want to hear honey I love you from him ?
You have a job to do , so get busy with job and other things and wait for him to contact you instead of you contacting him. That will also tell you if he is interested in your anymore. Since you have been constantly sending him texts and trying to talk on webcam he does not feel the need to send you a text or contact you because you are already doing the job of two of you.
You might be overwhelming him by constant communication and he might not have much to say at this point as you two do not have anything common to discuss or talk about.
So just give it a rest and wait to see how he responds to that break . You will find out soon.

[BornConfused]

Re: Recently got engaged but confused

@STA

It is very simple. you can do it after any Fraz salah.

you need to make intention of two raka of nafal salah of istekhara.

when you done with salah, now you need to read drood before and after following duwa of istekhara. you can see two underline word (haza al amr), when you reach there you can visualize your situation.

i hope my response could help you

it did. thank you. please make dua for me and for me to have the strength to follow through wth the answer of Allah tala