How can a person overcome all the obstacles and tests they’ve been faced with in life, and emerge victorious and stronger than ever? Finally, reality has kinda taken a toll on me, and i’m fighting with myself to not let memories and circumstance wreak havoc on my sanity… after numbing myself to the nightmare that ends when I sleep, yet begins when I awake, I’ve only dug a deeper and darker hole of depression for myself..
I haven’t cried about anything that happened in the past two months, nor do I have an urge to do so… but I AM sad… I don’t want to wallow in self-pity or cry out for help.. thats just not me… and thats a part of me that I don’t want people to see..but I cant help it when I feel so alone… I was SOMEBODY when I was married… now I feel like I have no identity…is this normal?
I think destiny, fate all that good stuff has really been unjust to me… and I’m trying to get a more positive outlook on life but its really frustrating when i’ve been screwed over in every relationship I’ve ever had! (friendly, familial,as well as romantic)
I wasn’t ever IN LOVE with my husband, but after nearly 2 years of living together, on and off, I kinda got used to the idea of having him around.. And I know it sounds retarded but I DO want some sort of closure where maybe I can tell him I forgive him and where we can establish a mutual respect for one another… but I don’t even know if its a good idea…
Can somebody please help me??? I’m losing interest in everything that was important to me… I live in constant pain and chaos combined with the urge to just jump off a building and get it over with..
just decide first what do u REALLY want????really really want....jot down how u want ur life to be .....and then shortlist one major thing.....i think ur problem is mutual to many of us cuz maybe we have been doing stuff to make others happy.....r u divorced or separted??
yeah I know wat you mean… im divorced and it sucks cuz it was a forced marriage to begin with, and my stepmother severed all relations with me after that ( my husband was her nephew) and my dad kinda followed suit… IM pissed off cuz it was her fault for throwing me into this mess and now she completely turned her back on me as if I committed some big crime by getting a divorce… life is so unfair and people are just plain mean!
ufff i know yaar how old r u???u see thts why gals in Pak are more eager towards studying and getting their own career /atleast sum experience so tht in such cases they can make independent decisions aur live their lifes one their own.....are u working or sumfin????i duno why life is so unfair to some people........but i really liked wot Dr.Zakir naik once said......life is just like examination .....u get a tuff paper in exam but the teacher checks it leniently while when u get an easy paper teacher cheks it strictly simillar thing goes with our lifes u get it???people having more difficulties will inshallah be rewarded after this life....
haan sabriya sometimes life gets tough on us but if u have career start living on ur own dear.But inshallah if u bear ur hardships with patience u will be rewarded great adn i know some time people are broken and they can't take it any more so be brave and ALLAH wil be with u.
hmm I like that quote :) thanks for sharing...
im 21 and yeah I've started working in my school library but its only 20 hrs/wk so my sister and BIL are helping me out until I find something else... Living arrangements arent really a problem.. i'll be moving soon to my grandmas apartment or to California to be with my birthmom's family, not sure yet...
I just want nothing more than to stop having to chase this elusive thing called happiness and just finally attain it and gain peace of mind sigh going to bed now... will reply later
Looking for happiness is like the old woman looking for her glasses...they were on her head all the time.
Dont need to look for happiness...it could well be all around you. You need to remove the cloud of despair...keep busy and seek support from your family and Happiness will find you.
I so understand ur pain n yes all that u r going thru is normal.at this moment only friends n family's support can help u survive n forget.I would suggest don't liv alone but move with parents,family or atleast a good single friend if u hav any.n keep ur self busy.join a group of ppl in ur area with same exp.the more friends n social group u hav the more ur identity will start coming back to u.even volunteer work helps to heal quickly.may Allah help you always.
Sabriya, ditto to what Mabrook said. To add to her reply, i would say, give it some time. What you went through was not a piece of cake. It will take you some time to find yourself again. Its perfectly normal to feel this way. When you start a new relationship, it takes time to adjust to that. And when you break a relationship, it takes the same amount of adjusting. It is natural to be like this. But follow Mabrook's advice. Its solah anay sahi...
I think therapy is a good idea, you have gone through traumatic changes in your life and it can be difficult to handle all those at once. Just because you have depression it does not make you a weak individual ... and it can be difficult to be patient especially when it comes praying or doing dua for Allah guidence, support and help...I know from personal experience that you want things to get better as soon as possible (be back to your "old self", have that happniess again) but sometimes you have to undergo such events, and always life is about learning from your experiences. You're young and resilient, inshallah you will get through this.
So my suggestion is to seek professional help, continue to remember Allah. Also, work and school are a good of way keeping yourself going into despir ... make some goals for yourself and work toward accomplishing them.
You guys are right but theres no way in hell ill try to sort things out with my parents... they're acting as though I did something wrong, when in all reality they're the ones who are and have been wrong. Im tired of being treated like a doormat all the time, and if they cant support me or respect my decision, then they really have no place n my life.. I know its rude but I dont care anymore... I hate em!
My opinion is related to my personal experiences from which I have learned that nothing is a better healer of soul than strengthening one's bond with one's creator.
Ila bizikrillahi tatmainulquloob
The satisfaction of hearts only lies in remembering (the Lord)
I really appreicate the opinion of re-organizing your life with new passion and plan but before that one step needs to be taken. That is to only rely on one's creator, because He is the main source of making your soul powerful enough to overcome any loss in life, no one is as sincere and helpful to you as your creator, and nothing is impossible for Him, if you also give your best efforts along with prayers. When the body is weakened it needs medical food, when the soul is hurt it also needs food but the spiritual one.
The knees that bend infront of the creator can stand and face even the worst problems of life.
p.s. I really appreciate all the advices given by people above. Thanks
If you feel like you need closure with your husband, then what's stopping you from approaching him and getting closure? Its hard to give any concrete advice on this, since I have no idea what the heck happened between the two of you. But, if you feel like you need to speak with him about things and just wrap things up, then try doing it.
I don't think you should necessarily feel like a nobody just because you're not married anymore. You're experiencing a change. What your life was and is now are two different things. You're 21 and you're young. Inshallah you've got some time ahead of you.
I'd advise some self-development. Have you been to college? College has lots of experiences to offer, and perhaps that's what you need right now. A new set of circumstances. I look back on my college life, and I have to say, that it shaped me SO MUCH. Things that happened in class, outside of class, with leadership roles, work roles, volunteering, friendships, projects, etc. If not college, then professional school, grad school, etc. Its really fulfilling, and maybe it'll help you realize that you're your own person: a strong-headed brave girl who had the courage to get out of a situation you were unhappy in, despite parental and family pressure, and you're now out to live your life and make your own decisions.
Sabriya, ditto to what Mabrook said. To add to her reply, i would say, give it some time. What you went through was not a piece of cake. It will take you some time to find yourself again. Its perfectly normal to feel this way. When you start a new relationship, it takes time to adjust to that. And when you break a relationship, it takes the same amount of adjusting. It is natural to be like this. But follow Mabrook's advice. Its solah anay sahi...
You guys are right but theres no way in hell ill try to sort things out with my parents... they're acting as though I did something wrong, when in all reality they're the ones who are and have been wrong. Im tired of being treated like a doormat all the time, and if they cant support me or respect my decision, then they really have no place n my life.. I know its rude but I dont care anymore... I hate em!
but sabriya all parents esp moms r like that.even ager main apni real mom ko bhi kehon na k i hav such such prob with my husband etc she will never say anything against but in his favor.but for u done is done.ur parents will b ok with time.un k liay bhi utna he bara shock ho ga jitna tumharay liay.u can sit with them say sorry u tried but couldn't keep up.kuch ansoon,kuch gilay they'll b melted.
Life is testing thats the nature of it...just try and look at everythingas a learning experience...every bad thing that has happened to me i value and wouldnt have it any other way...the nice thing with hardship is when life gets easier you will appreciate it so much more...
Easier said than done but move on...start afresh away from everything that has upset you...and eventually you will get used to new thing and the emptiness will go away...
PCG- thanks for ur reply, it actually made me feel alot better..
The thing thats stopping me I guess, is more or less fear of getting rejected, and my own ego has suffered enormous blows from this marriage. I was cheated on and basically treated like dirt... abused in every way possible, but I was too stupid to leave him earlier... I guess I became accustomed to it...
To make a long story short, he married his gf while being married to me... now I dont want them to think he holds any real value to me, and I know if ill approach him he'll act all snooty like "hhaha,she cant live w/o me"... but I cant move past all this without accomplishing some sort of understanding and forgiving one another....
As for becoming a somebody.... yeah I'm trying to re-evaluate my life and goals... I'm determined not to let this bring me down...
Mabrook... I understand what ur saying, but mine is a case entirely different... I prefer to keep my distance... Feel free to pm me :)
(friendly, familial,as well as romantic)
