real scenario: So you

[shaasavera]

Re: real scenario: So you

@salaam2k14

The idea of homosexuality never came to her mind because how common is it in our community? She thought she wasn’t attractive or not making an effort from her side. She never cheated on him because she didn’t even know what she was missing. She put a couple years of effort into making it work and since she thought she would never get married again if she got a divorce early on, she thought she could atleast get a child, make him give her a child. What are the chances that she would get married again for a chance to feel any of those advantages of marriage as most straight couples know it? If Allah was just would make her go through this?

This is such a risque topic. No one ever discusses it with family because you won’t proudly say that they have no clue whether their spouse is gay. Marriage market is tough enough so what are women like this supposed to do? Just disappear into nothingness?

What is asexuality? I thought only bisexuals, homosexuals and straight people existed other than cross dressers or transsexuals.

Do you think he would go to couples counselling with his wife..maybe with a desi therapist and open up about his feelings? He surely realises he is being unfair on his wife and he is not acting like most husbands. He can not be so clueless not to know his wife’s feelings or to care. Many women feel it is because of them or that they are not attractive and I think it’s because women feel like failure when marriage does not work out. It’s actually the responsibility of both the people in a marriage not just the female.

I disagree with you marriage market is tough but no one should have to settle. Being happily single is better than unhappily married. It’s just our culture that says everyone should be married by this age and have 2.5 children by this age. I know there are a lot of open minded, liberal (or even conservative) Pakistani guys who would not hold this against her. She has to have more belief in herself. There are lot of examples of women who have been divorced finding love again. Maybe Allah is telling her she has to stop underestimating herself and that she deserves better so why settle. Acha hai bacche nahi hai because then that would be even harder to leave in desi setup. She would be stuck in sham marriage forever.

In an ideal world people would be upfront and if they were asexual they would say it. That way asexual wives and husbands can find each other. Everyone khush. But then there is stigma and of course "log kya kahenge. Family reputation ka kya hoga and all that.’

There’s not that information on asexuals and people don’t even know if they are themselves. Like Deeba says it means they have no sexual interest but they could possibly have romantic interest in non-sexual activities. Sometimes not even that. Why it happens? Who knows. Maybe he had some experiences that put him off intimacy as a child.
Interestingly people have a wide range of experiences with those who identify as asexuals. Advice: My husband doesn’t want to have sex | Love, InshAllah I don’t know if that helps but i’ll post it anyway