Re: real scenario: So you
Even if you know a person long enough sometimes they have hidden secrets which they never tell or show especially if they are the introverted type. In my work i do come across a range of people who are depressed or have mental health issues and desi gays are not that much different looks or attitude wise. It’s a myth that most are flamboyant like they are Western counterparts. Most of them eventually plan to get married to satisfy family. What they don’t realise is that they drag a whole unsuspecting partner into their issues and it is not fair. They really should have courage to let people know they cannot get married for whatever reason. It’s no excuse to bring misery to another person just to make their family happy. Marriage is encouraged but if someone is impotent then there is a get out clause. If the mother in law is the only one organising romantic activities then the couple has definitely got issues.
It is not discussed among desis. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing i don’t know. Her story is not the only one like that so please reassure her. It’s not her fault if her husband is asexual/gay. There is nothing she could have done. Even if he is not and he is not “attracted” to her then why get married to her? From what you say this has been right from the beginning of marriage. Desis are even hesitant discussing child sexual abuse in the family so this would be too much to expect. Even parents may not but would want the child to get married so others don’t have doubts.
Even asking his friends may not give an honest answer. There is no surefire way to test it unless he is honest or if someone tests him with visual stimuli and records his responses which have been done in experiments. Not ethical though. There are some articles from western perspective on this issue written by women who have discovered their husband is gay and what signs led them to it. There was also an article in the tribune on this topic. It doesn’t bother me that my husband watches porn, what bothers me is something worse… – The Express Tribune Blog Let her read the article and the responses below. See if she can relate. You’re right most desi women don’t know. Even those in West cannot tell.
If she gets a divorce, why should someone know whether she is virgin or not? They could have not had any sexual relations. She can say her husband was asexual. How can anyone tell she is virgin? Presence/absence of a hymen or bleeding on the first night are not 100% signs. What about men who are not virgins, why can they not marry a divorcee? Even if a guy is a virgin surely he can sympathise with her and won’t hold that against her? I don’t believe all desi guys would have backward views.