Girls, why (no matter how much our parents try to shelter us from it) does it feel that marriage is like a war we are being prepared for all our lives? The MIL, SILs and all that politics we’ll have to deal with someday!
Isn’t marriage suppose to be something happy, the starting of a new life with a partner and all that good stuff?
To the married ladies:
What if a girl has no experience of family politics and is basically just a nice person who minds her own business, will she be able survive? :hinna:
is it really that bad…? can you get through w/t being part of all that dirty politics?
I said WHAT IF a girl is like that. Yay nahin kay sari larkian achi shareef hoti hain aur baki badmash. But as usual it was seen as an indirect attack on the in-laws
Can MIL/FIL not just hire maids instead of having their daughter-in-law do all the work? I mean is that what marriage is about, making your daughter-in-laws servants?
To the married ladies:
What if a girl has no experience of family politics and is basically just a nice person who minds her own business, will she be able survive?
no she won't, because it's all about the survival of the fittest.
Im afraid, NO. If she is confronted with the people totally opposite to what she is. You know its really difficult to change all of your personality like accepting the wrong things, wrong behaviors it shatters the rules and niceness you lived your previous life with and it ends in a big time disillusionment. Not that all the inlaws are same. Sometimes the ILS are absolutely nice, amiable or atleast ordinary easy going people who care and are positive. Life is a heaven then. No way out of dirty politics anyway. Either you will have to be mean upto their level or they will suck the life out of you.
I wish it were about this manual labour only :hinna: most of the times, and the majority of MILS that I have observed and have heard of through the experiences of friends, relatives, etc, are not happy specially if and when they see their son and the DIL getting along well. Now this is an enigma actually. I would want an answer from our L1 members here who always voice against the poor MILS, whats the problem of such mothers? Secondly, the MILS start comparing the lot of their own daughters with their DILS and react. Not all the MILS and INLAWS are like that, but, I believe, its completely unfair to support such behaviors in the name of parents rights. They are good to have their rights fulfilled as far as they are behaving like ones. A competitor will be dealt as a competitor and a manipulator will be dealt same too. Who can stop this vicious cycle then and blame a single side.
don't know why you're going into marriage thinking the in laws are going to be horrible, i've seen so many cool and flexible mother in laws and father in laws. like my parents are to my sis-in-law. the ones that try to totally integrate with the family and enjoy whatever the in laws like doing isn't such a bad idea. don't talk about topics that would be controversial or cause arguments. easier said than done but be street smart and also be nice to everybody and keep an open mind. i'm taking the example of my sis-in-law. She did it so well in the first year of marriage coming from a small town in the old country to the united states. a completely different environment for her.
I think our parents just don't want us to be naive and want something to happen to us.
I mean it cannot be something,you can never know what happens.
Someone got something wrong,word travels etc etc.
Also it could be,that some mothers had a very hard time with their in-laws so they want their daughters to see what can happen and how important it is to handle such situations cooly.
I've seen my mothers and also khala's in-laws and I also know how hard their time has been with them,so I can understand why they feel the need to "prepare" me and my cousins for the worst.
Yes, but if the girl has grown-up up in a single-unit family and wasn't directly exposed to any family tactics and politics as such. And her mother thinks her simplicity could cost her a lot if she is not careful.
And I do want to go into marriage with a positive attitude about my in-laws and everything, but you can't act oblivious of what's happening around you and think about how would you deal with it.
How does one prepare themselves for the worst to come then? Or it just has to come with experience for everyone?
