muspus
March 2, 2010, 12:39am
69
Even if it is discussed by the couple prior to the nikkah, the reality is that the girl is not sitting with the guy during the nikkah itself. She’s usually off in another room. So when the nikkah papers come to her, she just signs away. Yeah, it’s her fault for not reading it and checking to see if the guy followed through on what was agreed upon before hand … cause it has happened where the guy has decided to change his mind at the last minute and give no mehr rather than what was discussed and agreed upon beforehand, then her father gets the blame for not speaking up. The initial agreement and the husbands “word” means nothing and the father becomes the scapegoat. It has happened before.
The hustle and bustle (translation - rush rush rush) of the nikkah process … (pressure from the larkay walay, the guests are leaving, hurry up and serve food, etc., get the nikkah over and done with) … these things do happen. Then there are cases of overall family pressure (in arranged marriages) where the girl essentially has no say or right to ask to read the nikkah papers.
Culturally, it is wrong for a girl to ask to read what the heck she is signing. There is a big HAWWWWWWWWWW from the guy’s side.
There are so many things that are culturally acceptable but Islamically wrong that we (the people) go along with just to make everybody else happy.
Like I said before, only a low life would take away his wife’s rights … but it’s null and void anyway cause it doesn’t hold up if you speak to any Alim about your rights. But culturally, yeah … it holds up.
You are SO right about the nikkah being rushed- it’s all about feeding the heards (of people- like they’ve never eaten before) and pleasing the in-laws- I HATE IT. I swear, I’m going to have a small wedding (WHERE IIIIIIIII MAKE THE RULES), just to escape from the circus mentality that operates at our Pakistani (the ones I’ve been too anway) weddings.