What are some of the pitfalls ?
What are do’s and what are don’ts of Muslim parenting in West ?
How to save kids from peer pressure of dating at very early age , smoking, drugs, gangs ?
What kind of activities the kids should be encouraged to take part in and which ones to avoid ?
Should kids be allowed to go to mixed gatherings when they become teenagers ? Are there different rules for boys and girls in this regards ?
What about gender roles and issues related to them for Muslims kids in the West ?
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
don't raise them with double standards, kids (esp daughters) will resent that.
don't raise them with double standards, kids (esp daughters) will resent that.
Please mention some of those double standards.
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
Son is given freedom. he can go to prom, he can have female friends, he can hang out wiht his friends on the weekends, go to their houses, sleep overs/stay out all night, he has no curfew, he can partake in after school activities or play sports...
Daughter can do none of that, or if not to be so extreme, she doesn't have as many freedoms as he has...
In a more serious situation, son can go to an out of state univ/college, but daughter has to stay home and attend local college, even if she has potential to go to a better university out of state...
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
I think that as a musim parent, or just by the virtue of being a parent, you lead your child by example. And the examples are set by your belief system.
Secondly, I need to instill a fear of Allah and the love for Allah in my child so she does the right things for the correct reasons and that they come naturally to her.
I have seen many desi families who have been living here for years and they kids grow up to be well rounded god fearing individuals who never get into messy situations. Those parents have strong relationships with their kids, mutual trust and respect.
I guess we new parents should take a little at a time and set the right and achievable standards.
So we start right at home and provide the right association.
Itnay saarey sawaalat eik dam 
acha mein inhain eik eik ker key answer karoon gi
Ofcourse you cannot hear Azaan all the time, you don’t see muslim culture outside.
When you will guide them in a right direction and tell them what Islam is and whats its priorities are it will make them confident and different that they don’t belong to western culture.For example I tell my daughter not to eat anything which has gelatin in it like marshmallows,skittles etc.So when she is given treats in her class she make sures that they don’t have gelatin in it and if she don’t know what is in it then she brings it home to confirm it and then eat it.So when by they time they grow up they see what their parents are doing in the house praying 5 times namaz, rading Quran and last one talk to your children about the things that are not allowed in Islam then Inshallah by the grace of ALLAH they will understand everthing and Inshallah they will be able to differentiate between right and wrong.
They shoud be encourage to take part in Islamic activities, games,karates anything that is not harmful for them.
And they should be not allowed to go in american parties especially teenagers because it effects them as they will feel we are not allowed to do that .Its just my POV. 
In american NO
There should be one Islamic rule in house for boys or girls.
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
^^ Lol why do you think they shouldn't be allowed to go into mix gatherings?
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
^ especially when in this day and age, its becoming more and more common to be allowed some sort of feedback about who you marry. where else are good muslim girls and boys supposed to meet and mingle and get to know each other a bit more if they're not allowed to meet in family gatherings and other social groups? if not, they might just end up falling for someone outside their culture and get into the whole dating scene which has enough complications of its own, or end up with a muslim but still feel like they need to hide things from their parents because of their disapproval. thats pretty stressy too!
i also think parents need to be realistic about the fact that their kids will most likely be working, if living in the west. they need to be able to interact normally with people of the opposite sex- if you keep them so segregated socially, they're not going to pick up the confidence and the skills you need as a working adult.
and unfortunately in these times, the more "different" you appear, the more stereotypes you perpetuate about your culture and background and religion- you need to be friends with your co-workers at the very least so you can set them straight about what it means to be a muslim in the west. it doesn't mean you preach to them (or conversly, go drinking after work in order to blend in), but if they don't usually interact with muslims, they will inevitably, and i think naturally, look to you to set a realistic example of an everyday, ordinary, musalmaan. i go through it every day at work- i'm the only muslim and the only pakistani in a company of 70. i regularly get asked questions on muslim and pakistani practices- religious, culture, societal, whatever. its made me become really aware of how i present myself, and how much i know so i can actually answer their questions.
children, esp. adult children, need breathing room. times are changing and things are different in the west- you can't bury your head in the sand and pretend like your kid will never try alcohol, or pot, or won't sneak out some times to see their friends. the question is, do you want to know what your 16 year old is up to or not? and if you trust them and trust your parenting and keep the lines of communciation open within your family, i don't see how your kids can go off the rails. raising kids in the West is a different process- its not the same as in Pakistan and the same rules don't apply. perhaps its easier for me to admit this because i've been raised in pakistan, the middle east, and in toronto so i've seen the good and bad of each... i firmly believe that i'd rather know what my kids are doing and who they're doing it with- that way at least i can have a say in it and i can explain my side to them. ultimately, they will do what they want to do- no amount of screaming and threatening is going to change that- but at least they'll do it knowing how i feel about it, and hopefully will respect me and love me enough to consider my opinion when making their decisions.
^^ Lol why do you think they shouldn't be allowed to go into mix gatherings?
They should be allowed to muslim gatherings but not to non-muslims.
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
lol... why what is wrong with non muslim gatherings?
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
^ that doesn't answer her question
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
[QUOTE]
I think that as a musim parent, or just by the virtue of being a parent, you lead your child by example.
[/QUOTE]
I really think this is key. Kids will learn from what they see their parents doing. You cant tell your kids to read Quran and pray, when they never see you doing that. You cant tell your kids not to smoke and then you smoke. You cant tell your kids to respect their mother/father and then they see you disrespecting them
You really have to lead by example. Be a good Muslim first and they will watch and learn. Even when you think they arent watching, they are. Make your house one where there will be the blessing of Allah. Take your children to the mosque, Sunday school etc, but do your homework first, dont take them to a boring one, or one where the teacher is some crazy who will beat the kids. Find activities for them that are Islamic, educational, fun and interesting. Always keep the trust strong between you and them, so they know they can come to you with any problem they are having. Also encourage them to do other activities so they are well-rounded individuals, like sports, volunteering etc. Spend quality time together as a family. Always know who their friends are. And always make dua for them!
Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.
TV is a very bad influence on kids. As long as they watch kiddie shows it is allright but as soon as they go into bigger kids shows then the trouble starts. Shows like Hanna Montana for example, encourages girls to put on make up, look for cute boys and try to ask them out, go out with friends and other stuff which is a big no no in our religion.
I have cut off my cable for past 3 years in my home. I rent kids movies or borrow from the library. My kids mostly play among the siblings and their cousins. We have lots of "practicing" muslim families that we meet regularly. They have Video games, board games, internet (supervised ofcourse) and many other activities. So they are not bored.
I don't try to make it as a punishment for them. When we had cable I was the one who watched TV the most and I'm the one who miss it the most, but I think it is essential for the kids not to feel bad for being a muslim and missing out on all the "cool" things all the other kids are doing.
lol... why what is wrong with non muslim gatherings?
Because most non-muslims teenage gatherings even some muslim gatherings contradict Islamic culture, and thus religious believers should stay away from them.
I think that as a musim parent, or just by the virtue of being a parent, you lead your child by example. And the examples are set by your belief system.
Secondly, I need to instill a fear of Allah and the love for Allah in my child so she does the right things for the correct reasons and that they come naturally to her.
I have seen many desi families who have been living here for years and they kids grow up to be well rounded god fearing individuals who never get into messy situations. Those parents have strong relationships with their kids, mutual trust and respect.
I guess we new parents should take a little at a time and set the right and achievable standards.
So we start right at home and provide the right association.
Thats a great answer Niksik! We do the same with ours. And even at their young ages, they know right from wrong, they treat others with respect, even those who are very different from them. That was a big part of my middle son's report card - that there "should be more people like him him the world. Its very clear how he cares about those around him and never hesitates to help someone in need." They are comfortable with and know how to treat the opposite gender and I have little doubt that this will follow them in later years.
Right from the start, we're teaching them right from wrong, that different people have different ways of life and thats ok for them but we have our way and thats good for us.
The world today is so much smaller. Technology has made it impossible to avoid other cultures, religions and people. If they are not introduced to these things at a young age they will not be able to handle them in later life because at some point in their lives, they will have to deal with and in an international society.
The world today is so much smaller. Technology has made it impossible to avoid other cultures, religions and people. If they are not introduced to these things at a young age they will not be able to handle them in later life because at some point in their lives, they will have to deal with and in an international society.
if Islamic morals have been correctly instilled in children then they won't be affected and influenced by non-islamic rituals, cultures and behaviours.
in simple words, give them the understanding of your own religious belief first, choose good company for them by finding friends from good muslim families so they may be acquainted with muslim brotherhood and then introduce them to others' faith.
Right from the start, we're teaching them right from wrong, that different people have different ways of life and thats ok for them but we have our way and thats good for us. .
I teach my kids that different people have different believes and ways of life and we should respect all the people from other religions and cultures **but **Islam is the best way of life and hence we should be thankful to our God for being muslim.
[quote="hareem01, post:284, topic:191246"]
I teach my kids that different people have different believes and ways of life and we should respect all the people from other religions and cultures but *Islam is the best way of life and hence we should be **thankful to our God for being muslim./*quote]
That pretty much goes without saying, yeah? Yet, there is no need for my boys to be separated from their peers who may or may not be of a different religion/culture/background/gender since even at their very young ages, they can see, they can understand, they can accept...that different people do things differently. And further, that although different people do things differently they still understand that it may (or may not!) be ok for them.
Since we live in a multi-cultural area and since it is such a multi-cultural world today, its our opinion/beleif that they must be raised within the framework in which they will be living for the rest of their lives. To introduce them to the inter-cultural. international planet at a later stage in development without prior exposure can be really dangerous IMHO. It can be a good thing to keep them separate but when you take this path, it can be a treacherous one. It can also be a very successful one...but its nonetheless a very difficult one kwim?
Hareem, I'd be really interested to know (not that you have to reply but would be interesting)....to hear what your kids think about all this home-schooling and separation. Are they happy with it? Do they want to go to "regular" school or they are happy with home schooling? What will you do for their college years?
I doubt that you've seen this movie but you might be interested...its called "RV" starring Robin Williams...he has a family that he takes on a road trip in an RV and meets up with another family who home school their kids. Its a huge positive for those who choose home-schooling...and the family in the move really does it right even tho you dont see that at first in the movie, you have to watch the whole thing. But I think you'd enjoy it. Dont watch it with your kids the first time if you do decide to watch. It has no profanity but gets a little off-color at times with stupid but funny robin-williams scenarios and jokes. But still, a good movie esp for advocates of home schooling.