Raising Muslim kids in the West.

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Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.

^I never meant that we should separate them from everyone different from us, my emphasis was on instilling Islamic values strong enough to not let them be influenced by other's in a negative way rather to have them become a beacon of light for others.

And for homeschooling.....I have lots of different reason for doing it and one of the reason is that I enjoy watching them learn and flourish in front of my eyes.
My mother-in-law is a High school teacher (she prefers schooling but accepts home schooling) and whenever she asks my elder son (age 4) if he wants to go to school he says "No". For college, I hope he'll choose an Islamic college with classics.

Oh and I've seen RV long time ago, I liked it.:)

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Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.

My children are 7 and 3. The oldest learns the quran from a hafiz and I ask him to spend a few minutes on the meaning of what he learnt too.He also goes to Sunday school to learan Islamiayt. I try to instill little things everyday like do the "dua before eating",leaving the house etc.Teach him about what things make Allah happy and I also make it point to mingle with desi families alot so my children can learn that we are not the only "odd ones out"who live like this!! Hopefully having muslim freinds as well will help them to stay on the right part as they grow older. That said,they also have non muslim friends, and I am not totally paranoid about "the others who live out there". Not all goras are peoplewillloose morals and they also can teach us a lot esp civic sense and manners which sadly enough most desis lack even though its a part of Islam.

We also keep a check which shows they watch on TV but are not paranoid about it.

Eye Makeup!
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I agree Sara - I didn't have so much of an issue with it but my younger sister (she has been now married for 5 years and working) still till this day is so angry at my parents for having double standards. My brother lives on campus, played soccer, went to prom while all three of us sisters lived at home, were not allowed to join sports teams, PROM yeah right. My parents were so strict - that we all rebelled to a certain degree

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Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.

^ true, even unconsciously desi parents here may indulge in a little bit of double standards because being restricitve with girls, in comparison to boys, is a cultural and religious factor. They are trying to protect them from all the exposed elements which could unknowingly/knowingly harm them.

I think about the pros and cons of raising my kids in the west a lot. Having grown up in Pakistan myself, I did not question these double-standards because thats how ALL the girls around me were being brought up. We all had to follow the same rules so I never found myself feeling alienated next to my peers or left-out from activities that might be the norm here but don't exist in our society.

I'm not saying its a bed of roses for girls growing up back home, but as far as rules go, its easier to implement and follow them when everyone is coming from a similar background. Just my two cents.

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I think I might have said this before, but if you are a Muslim in the West, and you are very particular about your Deen, it is very difficult once you get into middle school.

The main things kids do when they hang out together is go to the mall, go to the movies, or watch TV/movies at each other's house. Also there are different extracurriculars but nearly all will require travelling for meets. In high school, things get more intense because ppl start pairing off and go to school dances/prom. Basically when I was a teenager I couldn't go to the mall (Technically it is haram for a woman to be wandering alone without a mehram), didn't watch TV or movies (it didn't make sense for me to wear a hijab and tell ppl about modesty, yet watch tv shows with ppl doing haram stuff), and of course all those dances weren't allowed. Not like I wanted to dance, but I really wanted to go on the senior trip to Disneyworld which was before prom. I lived in an area without any Muslims (South Dakota) so it's not like I could go to the masjid and find other girls. My main socialization was eating with people at lunch and helping them with homework. I used to read books from 4 to 11 every night because we had no TV.

My point is, if you guys are concerned about your kids being good people in general, then yes, it is very possible here. Many of my Muslim friends are well-rounded, successful, polite people. But if you want them to be perfect Islamically, then it is very difficult. My nice Muslim friends still watch Sex in the City, wear short sleeves, hang out in mixed groups and they travel/live alone. I'm ok with that. But Islamically, these activities are completely discouraged.

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you mean we should avoid 99% of the population? it doesn't seem really practical.

KER LIA HI FESLA KEHNA OSSAY
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Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.

very interesting discussion, I am in the same boat. Jalebibi you are right its not possible but also i dont agree with the idea of Muslim gatherings. I guess we need to be specific about this any gathering either muslim or non-muslim doing haram things should be avoided. What is not allowed is very clear and we should try our best to aviod them like dancing, free mixing of opposite sex, alcohal etc.
I stongly recommend all the forum members to raed the books by Dr. Rida beshir 'Parenting in West' and 'Teens, today's worry tommorows hope' . Thes are lovely books filled with numerous case histories to help the parents. Writer is a mother of 4 girls in North America and had first hand experience of Raising kids in West. BOth books are available on Amazon. We even placed several copies of these books in our sunday school.

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As Usual The great Mirch bhai whom posts I admire. I enjoy your very sweet and friendly way of humorous post.

Zabardast thread. Jitni tareef ki jaay kam hain.

Its a very important thing to think about our kids living in these countries.

Itna asan naheen in mulkon main rahna.

Mera khiaal hai yay hamain imigration is liaay detay hain kay yay hum say hamaray buchchay cheen letay hain. I mean physically naheen balkay emotionally.

Cheen kar apnay mutabiq bana letay hain agar hamaray buchchay mukum tor par inmain naheen dhaltay to hamaray buchchon kay buchchay to mukuml tor par dhal jaain gay. Jo hum sub musalmanon ko samajhna hai.

Agar hamaray buchchay inkay rung main rung jaatay hain to hamara dunia main anay aur musalmaan honay ka muqsaad hi faut ho jata hai.

Hum kaheen kay naheen rehtay na deen kay na dunia kay. Her tarha say hamara loss hota hai.

Kis tarha?

Is tarha kay hum parents honay ka huq naheen ada kar patay jo hamara farz hai aur Allah nain hamain aulad di hai to hamari zimmaydari hai.

Agar hum nakaam hotay hain ro Allah ko jawab to dena hi ho ga aur dunia main hamari chori huwi aulad agar rung gai inkay rung main to hamaray liaay dua e khair bhi naheen karay gi yani hamara sadqa e jaria ka koi silsila naheen rahay gay.

Yay to tha ibtedaia.

To the point.

Zabardast sawalat Mirch bhai many thanks kay aap nain poocha aur mujhay mauqa mila apnay khiaalaat kay izhaar ka.

What are do's and don'ts of muslims in parenting in muslim world?

Pehlay to yay samajhna ho ga hamaray faraiz kia hain as a muslim.

Phir

Hamaray faraiz kia hain as a parent.

Sub say pehlay to jinko Allah nain aulad ki naimat say nawaza hai unko Allah ka lakh laakh sukr ada karna chahyay kay Allah her kisi ko is qabil naheen samjhta kay aulad naseeb karay.

So wo tamaam parents khushnaseeb hain jinko Allah nain chuna aur aulad ki naimat say nawaza.

Wo auladain khuwaah sirf larkion hon, larkay hon ya donon hon.

Aisay hi naheen Allah nain chuna ub chun lia hai to aap pay bohat bari zimmaydari aaid kar di hain kay dhung say ussay palain warna Allah aulad to janwaron ko bhi deta ho jo kuch arsay baad apnay buchchon ko chor kay chaltay buntay hain ya buchchay khud kaheen chalay jatay hain.

Paal to Allah unko bhi deta hai yani janwaron kay buchchon ko jinko unkay parents chor kar chalay jatay hain. Allah bin parents kay insanon kay buchchon ko bhi paal sakta hai jo uskay liaay koi bari baat naheen.

Laikin jub us nain buchchon ko parents say nawaz hai aur parents ko musalman honay ki taufiq di hai to hamain us ka farz bhi nibhana hai.

Allah nain buchchon ko parents is liaay diaay kay wo unki islami khutoot pay taleem or tarbiaat kar sahi ghalat batain.

As a muslim do's:

Sub say pehlay Islami taleem shuru karay buchchay kay paida hotay hi. Hansi aa rahi ho gi kay pehlay din say kiasy ho sakti hai. Aray sirf pehlay din say hi naheen pregnancy say hi taleem shuru karain. Roza namaz karain khoob pregnancy kay dauraan buchchay pay asar paray ga.

Oh sirf pregnancy say naheen balkay hehe I can't say when you try to do something to concieve do dua when you both having ........(you know what I mean) koi quran main dua bhi hai. Jis ka shayad matlab hai Allah naik aulad day shaitan say bacha kar rakhay. Aap aisay hi dua bhi kar saktay hain.

Us dua ka bhi asar buchchay pay hoga.

Pehlay din say buchchon ki tarbiaat shuru ho jati hai Islam aisay kay kaan main azan di jati hai.

Buchchay kay pehlay din say tilawat lagain. Aaj kal MP3 protable miltay hain. takay buchchon kay kan main jatay rahain tilawat.

Buchchay pehlay din say sub kuch kartay hain baron ki tarha per sirf bolnay say mahroom hotay hain. Is tarha wo familiar ho jain gay I mean tilawat sun kar.

Baqi ainda.

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Re: Raising Muslim kids in the West.

Whatever you do... but do not make the kids confused about their identity! They should have an identity which they are proud of. That could be being British, Canadian or Pakistani... leftist, liberal, democratic... whatever. But they should know who they are and be proud of it.