Raising kids in a different culture

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Cheegum

this is just another reason why i'm against people sending kids to public schools and not islamic schools. And that begs the question of how many of us are willing to give up the tv subscription that gives us a thousand and three channels (and other similar extravagances) and maybe allocate more $ towards kids' schooling.

I considered Islamic schools for my kids.. but i had a bad experience. husband's nephew started to go to one of those madrisas in NY and became a religious fanatic .. talking meanly to his older sisters for not wearing hijab.. talking back to all his elders for not following islam.. he became plain badtameez and later joined some group of dangerous relegious fanatics.. i dont want this to happen to my kids. had FBI behind him and all...

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@X2

its really not that big of a deal, as a lil kid its a little confusing but then even as a pre tee or teen you have a good understanding of it. I was once a teen, ..a long time ago, and celebrated eid in UK, and was not really bothered.

Hence the term ABCD..

just kidding i kno what u mean.. but my lil one said in such a masoom way.. mom' why can't we have a christmas tree .. that it just got me thinking..

[Sara516]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@X2

excellent suggestions from everyone. I am however confused on one thing, why does one have to wear desi clothes for eid. we are mixing culture and religion and it can be confusing. we have many cultural events like shaddis and indoendence day type things.

I see no issue in getting western clothes for eid. What I do know is that as a kid I did not really find a huge difference in eid in pak, ksa and uk, always dressed up, had special treats at home, went for prayers, got eidi, visited ppl or had guests, many times a few ppl would host everyone and everyone would gather there. the key is effort..having friends, family around, and a good sized community also help

I simply dont buy new kurta shalwars for eid anymore, I dont wear them often enough to justify spending the money on something that will just sit in my closet most of the time.

key things ppl have pointed out already

1) take time off 2) make it important 3) celebrate the day 4) give gifts 5) go to community events 6) have get togethers, go visit friends

No--you don't have to wear desi stuff, and I dont' think it's a fast rule that you have to, esp if it's not importnat to you. but for me personally, and i'm sur it goes for alot of other women, i wear regular, western clothing all the time...it's cool to just take a day and wear shalwar kameez and churiyan and all that, when normally i wudn't be able to. Maybe in Pak it's easier for ppl to get new stuff made every Eid, since it's so easily available there and cheap, but that's not so much the case here, esp when things are so expensive!

Anyways, so since we're talking abt Eid and Xmas and all, i just took a huge advantage of hte after-christmas sale and got my nephews and their dadi some nice things. As a kid we never went to school on Eid, and I never understood why others did as well...it's only these last two years that i've had to have been in school on Eid b/c of assignments or exams... :(

[Sara516]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@hin33

i agree with all of you about making eid special... but the gap is that the whole world around u isnt celebrating eid.. they celebrate on the 25th of dec.. so just making eid special which can surely help but cant totally fill the gap of not doing anything on christmas..

the debate i am having with myself is..How bad would it be having a tree and gifts under it that the kids can open on christmas day... following some family get togethers..

Why not a Eid tree :p I was bugging my parents last year to put up lights outside the house, you know 3 great occasions happenign at once, new baby, Eid, an upcoming wedding (we gotta do it paki style :D) but...no luck. But only cz we're lazy. :(
The thing is that.... i dn't give a crap what the rest of the world is doing, what matters is me and my family/community. I did have hte xact same thoughts as most kids when I was a kid, i really hated this time of the year and felt annoyed/left out, but mostly at my parents..cz they didnt' do ANYTHING for Eid, ther ewas always something or another...Anyways my point is that...even if the whole world is doing one thing, it's really up to the parents to do something fun adn interesting so that their kids don't get all confused and stuff..

[X2]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Sara516

No--you don't have to wear desi stuff, and I dont' think it's a fast rule that you have to, esp if it's not importnat to you. but for me personally, and i'm sur it goes for alot of other women, i wear regular, western clothing all the time...it's cool to just take a day and wear shalwar kameez and churiyan and all that, when normally i wudn't be able to. Maybe in Pak it's easier for ppl to get new stuff made every Eid, since it's so easily available there and cheap, but that's not so much the case here, esp when things are so expensive!

Anyways, so since we're talking abt Eid and Xmas and all, i just took a huge advantage of hte after-christmas sale and got my nephews and their dadi some nice things. As a kid we never went to school on Eid, and I never understood why others did as well...it's only these last two years that i've had to have been in school on Eid b/c of assignments or exams... :(

the point i was making was that with limited use of fancy desi clothes, if i get something that is not a fad, and i am not getting taller or wider, then buying yet another new desi outfit is a waste in my view.

also its not just a question of whether its important to me, the issue is that too many ppl want to celebrate eid and want their kids to celebrate eid like they themselves used to do in Pakistan, and thats where the issue is. americans living in america cant celebrate christmas the way they did in their childhood in many cases let alone Pakistani immigrants expecting their US born and raised kids to celebrate something with such a wide time and space gap.

[X2]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Sara516

Why not a Eid tree :p I was bugging my parents last year to put up lights outside the house, you know 3 great occasions happenign at once, new baby, Eid, an upcoming wedding (we gotta do it paki style :D) but...no luck. But only cz we're lazy. :( The thing is that.... i dn't give a crap what the rest of the world is doing, what matters is me and my family/community. I did have hte xact same thoughts as most kids when I was a kid, i really hated this time of the year and felt annoyed/left out, but mostly at my parents..cz they didnt' do ANYTHING for Eid, ther ewas always something or another...Anyways my point is that...even if the whole world is doing one thing, it's really up to the parents to do something fun adn interesting so that their kids don't get all confused and stuff..

i agree, i had lights on my house for eid, heh actually they are still there will take em off after new years. crescent and star lights as well :D

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Sara516

Why not a Eid tree I was bugging my parents last year to put up lights outside the house, you know 3 great occasions happenign at once, new baby, Eid, an upcoming wedding (we gotta do it paki style :D) but…no luck. But only cz we’re lazy.
The thing is that… i dn’t give a crap what the rest of the world is doing, what matters is me and my family/community. I did have hte xact same thoughts as most kids when I was a kid, i really hated this time of the year and felt annoyed/left out, but mostly at my parents..cz they didnt’ do ANYTHING for Eid, ther ewas always something or another…Anyways my point is that…even if the whole world is doing one thing, it’s really up to the parents to do something fun adn interesting so that their kids don’t get all confused and stuff..

Thanks sara, ur feedback means a lot to me

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@X2

i agree, i had lights on my house for eid, heh actually they are still there will take em off after new years. crescent and star lights as well :D

wewere too busy/ lazy to put up lights..

inshallah next yr.. i will make changes.. for kid's sake

[Khumar]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@hin33

i wish some teenagers who had to go thru this as kids replied their own first hand feelings / experiences …

:pcg: i was a teenager once too you know. and i was telling my bro’s experience too who’s 16 right now

speaking of lights…always say going to put them up for eid…get too lazy :o actually i think we did on last year’s eid. it was so pretty. :jano:

[fghd]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

^ yup puttin up lights on Eid is good - especially when for past couple yrs Eid is around Xmas.

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Khumar

:pcg: i was a teenager once too you know. and i was telling my bro’s experience too who’s 16 right now

speaking of lights…always say going to put them up for eid…get too lazy :o actually i think we did on last year’s eid. it was so pretty. :jano:

how would i have guessed.. i thought u were in ur 40s ..

but thanks for the nice reply

[Khumar]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

no prob

[somegroovychick]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Femme_Fatale

I dunno hin I think putting up a Christmas tree and the gifts part is going too far. To understand others' cultures and religion and be accepting of it is one thing but to start practicing it is another.

but i think that so long as you understand its a cultural celebration, it should be fine. i dont think putting up a christmas tree means you're following another religion... lets face it, christmas is more cultural nowadays, at least in n. america, than it is religious. i dont know many people who go to church at all let alone on christmas day. its as much a religious holiday as thanksgiving or independence day! so long as you're doing it in the spirit of celebration, giving and sharing, then why not celebrate? we just had christmas festivities over the holiday season at the hubs' house- our first as a married couple- and it was pretty wonderful. the entire family got together, his bro and his fam flew in from the states, we had a big dinner, lots of nice conversation, and opening presents was the icing on the cake. just the look alone on his niece's face when "santa" walked in was worth the whole evening! (it was his father with a beard and a santa hat and she wasn't buying it at all LOL)
if it wasn't for the presents, i'd say the entire experience was identical to our first Eid as a married couple.

i think like someone here said, its important to separate culture and religion to an extent. you can teach your children islam and raise them as muslims without taking away their identity as americans/canadians/etc. kids that are born and brought up abroad, dont feel the same way about pakistan and its unfair to assume they will... simply put, its not their world.

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@somegroovychick

but i think that so long as you understand its a cultural celebration, it should be fine. i dont think putting up a christmas tree means you’re following another religion… lets face it, christmas is more cultural nowadays, at least in n. america, than it is religious. i dont know many people who go to church at all let alone on christmas day. its as much a religious holiday as thanksgiving or independence day! so long as you’re doing it in the spirit of celebration, giving and sharing, then why not celebrate? we just had christmas festivities over the holiday season at the hubs’ house- our first as a married couple- and it was pretty wonderful. the entire family got together, his bro and his fam flew in from the states, we had a big dinner, lots of nice conversation, and opening presents was the icing on the cake. just the look alone on his niece’s face when “santa” walked in was worth the whole evening! (it was his father with a beard and a santa hat and she wasn’t buying it at all LOL)
if it wasn’t for the presents, i’d say the entire experience was identical to our first Eid as a married couple.

i think like someone here said, its important to separate culture and religion to an extent. you can teach your children islam and raise them as muslims without taking away their identity as americans/canadians/etc. kids that are born and brought up abroad, dont feel the same way about pakistan and its unfair to assume they will… simply put, its not their world.

ur FIL in santa suit. how cute is that

sounds like fun..

yeah. unfortunately i m a lil alone in these radical thoughts of mine.. not much family support.. i hear when u say that it’s wrong to assume that pak is their world..

[Terrible_Guy]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@hin33

That's my fear also... but the kids who were born here.. and lived here all their lives.. this is... their culture and pakistan is some foreign country from their point of view.. so to have them just ignore something as big as Christmas .. must not be easy on them..

Ignoring something like Christmas was never an issue for me, even before my teens. I grew up in Canada too. My parents just made me understand by telling me once and that was enough for me. I don't know your kids, but just from reading your post, I'd say your making a big deal out of nothing. I remember when I was 10 or 11, I saw a Muslim family that had a Christmas tree. It seemed strange to me, so I asked them why they were putting up a tree because we don't celebrate Christmas.

[hin33]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

Ignoring something like Christmas was never an issue for me, even before my teens. I grew up in Canada too. My parents just made me understand by telling me once and that was enough for me. I don't know your kids, but just from reading your post, I'd say your making a big deal out of nothing. I remember when I was 10 or 11, I saw a Muslim family that had a Christmas tree. It seemed strange to me, so I asked them why they were putting up a tree because we don't celebrate Christmas.

no my kids are more desi in nature just like u said.. they dont fuss abt it much.. but i wanted to know what was going in their lil heads.

Nice to see your perspective on this..

Thanks

[Femme_Fatale]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

but i think that so long as you understand its a cultural celebration, it should be fine. i dont think putting up a christmas tree means you're following another religion... lets face it, christmas is more cultural nowadays, at least in n. america, than it is religious. i dont know many people who go to church at all let alone on christmas day. its as much a religious holiday as thanksgiving or independence day! so long as you're doing it in the spirit of celebration, giving and sharing, then why not celebrate? we just had christmas festivities over the holiday season at the hubs' house- our first as a married couple- and it was pretty wonderful. the entire family got together, his bro and his fam flew in from the states, we had a big dinner, lots of nice conversation, and opening presents was the icing on the cake. just the look alone on his niece's face when "santa" walked in was worth the whole evening! (it was his father with a beard and a santa hat and she wasn't buying it at all LOL) if it wasn't for the presents, i'd say the entire experience was identical to our first Eid as a married couple.

i think like someone here said, its important to separate culture and religion to an extent. you can teach your children islam and raise them as muslims without taking away their identity as americans/canadians/etc. kids that are born and brought up abroad, dont feel the same way about pakistan and its unfair to assume they will... simply put, its not their world.

SGC with your husband belonging to the christian faith your scenario is different. I apologise if he has converted and if he has converted even then his side of the family still celebrates it so your case is still different, IMO.

[Femme_Fatale]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

@Cheegum

You sound so persian :p

As for your sister's kids femme i think what your sister and her hub did was okay given the circumstances. Their kids will hold a grudge against eid for ruining their christmas and their course of action, given the choices, was a good one. But that does lead us to ask other questions such as the kids already engaging in christmas activities on days leading up to christmas but the same is not happening for Eid.

Also, braces for rotten tomatoes this is just another reason why i'm against people sending kids to public schools and not islamic schools. And that begs the question of how many of us are willing to give up the tv subscription that gives us a thousand and three channels (and other similar extravagances) and maybe allocate more $ towards kids' schooling.

Funny thing though the public school one of my brother's kids go to in chicago have totally ceased all christmas/holiday activities since that school is running short on funds. Some of the locals think its a conspiracy by that area's non-christian residents :D

Well cheegum on Eid ul fitr we have activities leading up to Eid but are there really any such activities for eid ul adha in the west. Its not like we can bring our bakras home and paint them with vibrant colours and feed them our lawn ke ghaas while at night they help themselves to our lawn ke flowers :(

As for islamic schools I dunno if thats a good idea either seriously. My neice came home the other day from her mosque and announced to all of us that christmas is haraam!

[stars5]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

When I was a kid we lived in a small town which didn't have a proper masjid, so during Eid all of the pakistani family would gather up in a park to do the Eid prayer. We would pray in the park and then run around and play on the slides in our shalwar kameez. I have very percious memories of those Eids. Now that I have kids of my own both me and my husband take time off from work on Eid. Me and my daughter put mahndi on our hands. We go to a masjid for a prayer as a family and then lunch and dinner with the whole family. During dinner at my older brothers house we all give eidee to kids. I also buy gifts for my kids teachers and friends for Christmas. We also get togther at one of my brother or sisters house for dinner on Christmas and enjoy the day as a family.

[Skittlez]

Re: Raising kids in a different culture

The tree thing might be a bit far Hina, but I dont see anything wrong with giving gifts to your children on this day or decorating the house with festive lights, giving your children egg nogg and candy canes. Christmas is both a social and religious holiday..Christmas is a very popular holiday and is extremely commercialized, and in my family we celebrated it with our grandmother but the reasoning behind the gifts was not that it was for christmas, rather we were participating in the season of giving, and our parents were rewarding us,so to say, with little tokens and trinkets of appreciation for all our good work throughout the year. This way, we didnt feel left out when we went back to school and heard all the kids bragging about their christmas gifts and then the " What? Your parents didnt give you anything? But why?!" Most younger kids are not really even aware of the whole religious aspect of christmas, they just want presents!

You can do the same if you wish,explain to them that along with the rest of the world, you are going to have a nice dinner at home, followed by presents for their happiness, NOT to celebrate Christ’s birth. Explain why you’re celebrating and what you’re celebrating, and there shall be no confusion

And yes, do make a bigger effort for Eid, as that is our holiday and should be celebrated as such.