I guess before there were challenges like that bar on the corner street or drugs etc. But now, even homosexuality has been normalized. Just saw a television ad showing two fathers raising a child, and of course, shows like Modern Family, and likely there will be more media normalizing homosexual couples.
How do you raise kids in that environment where even opening the tv and watching general commercials on non-cable TV, you’re seeing material that may not agree with your religious beliefs? How do you address that with your kids? Will the normalization of homosexuality on TV promote it in our population in the future?
Hypothetically (since I don't have a family to raise at this point) I would take the following steps:
- educate them in Islamic school
- keep boys connected to the masjid environment (and girls too but only when they're younger)
- establish deeni environment at home as far as possible
- not hesitate to tell them if things are wrong regardless of social norms etc. - you brought up the example of homosexuality, which is more socially accepted than when we were growing up; In our time, illicit heterosexual relationships (gf/bf), alcohol etc. were commonplace, but we were still taught to stay away from such things. Just because everyone does it doesn't make it right.
- Do my best to see that they're keeping good company and avoiding bad company.
- Lots and lots of dua.
Pretty much was Captain Obvious said...it all starts at home. I am very vigilant about what my kids watch on TV (and the amount of TV time they get) what games they play etc. I don't watch my adult content shows around them (DVR everything and then watch when they are asleep) but if they do see something or ask about something questionable, I have a very open, honest and age appropriate dialogue with them to explain.
They are very active in the masjid (sunday school, youth group etc). My kids do not go to an Islamic school, and are in the public school system, and I am also very active in volunteering in their classrooms so I try to keep as involved as possible with their teachers and parents of their friends.
So far it's worked out well alhamdullilah. I feel like I've given them a good, solid Islamic base without suffocating them or being paranoid. Time will tell, like Captain Obvious said, lots and lots of dua!!!
i think raising children in an Islamic environment starts at home and it should not be left up to Islamic school alone. parenting is a 24/7 responsibility.
kids will go out to school, meet friends, watch TV, go to movies etc and they will pick up negative messages contrary to Islamic teachings so as a parent you have to keep the communication channel open 24/7. you must negate what they learn in school.
uThte baiThte, sote jaagte, khaate peete unkii tarbiyat aur Islam kii saHeeH samajh bachchoN ko denii hogii...uske liye maaN baap ko Khud saHeeH Islam samajhne kii zaroorat hogii.
i'm not worried much about the ways of non-Muslims if i give them proper Islamic education. i worry more about things that are prevailing withing Islam...a lot of Muslims are engaged in even shirk and they do NOT either know or blinded by what their ancestors have been doing.
Musalmaan ho kar bhii shirk agar karte rahe to phir yeh jaan lenaa chaahiye k Allah aur gunaahoN ko mo'aaf kar degaa magar shirk ko kabhii mo'aaf nahiiN karegaa.
You teach them your religious beliefs while also teaching them that there are people out there who choose to be different & while we don't practice such things we also don't go on hating it.
You give them such a solid base as mentioned by Captain Obvious & Khatti & then leave rest to Allah.
The day & age we live in you can be living in a Muslim country & still face issues like girlfriend/boyfriend, drinking alcohol, premarital sex, drugs & even same sex couples.
You equip them with the right tools & a solid foundation & then let them figure it out once they are older.
I have seen plenty of examples of awesome parenting yet twisted kids (talking about kids in their late teens & older). Smart parenting is important but with children ultimately it's luck as well. You stay strong on your beliefs yet teach tolerance & no judgment towards others at the same time. Rest just leave it to Allah.
you cannot control what others do around you, all you can do is teach your kids what you think is right or wrong. tolerance and no judgment towards others is the way to go
Also I think a big part of it for me will be staying in touch with my kids and talking to them about all of the uncomfortable stuff that we were afraid to speak to our parents about growing up. Until the longest time you couldn't event say the word "boyfriend or girlfriend" in front of your parents. We walked on a lot of eggshells and I usually had to go else where for relatable/ practical advice. I think open communication for sure, something that I only developed with my parents at a pretty late age in college when I had come out of my teen years, when it's needed the most.
It's not just homosexuality....many ills or forms of bayhayaai are normalized....not even normalized, but lauded and glorified. It's definitely more work for the parents here because the values you teach come into conflict with the trends of the dominant culture. I believe instilling confidence in your children, among other things, is very, very important...otherwise they succumb to peer pressure easily.
Is there an option where someone can watch a thread on GS. I know some other forums have this so one can return to it for later reference. This is a very informative thread.
Remind them about their deen from a very young age. I teach some pakistani and indian kids on weekends and whenever I give them sweets, they always ask if the sweets are halal. (Signs of careful and good parenting) my parents were the same. They always emphasized that we only halal food, don't wear short skirts etc, don't have boyfriends of girlfriends and other mandatory stuff. It was drilled into my head. I wasn't and still am not a regular mosque goer as it is all conducted in a different language here, but I especially loved going to the masjid in the states with my cousins. my cousins have a good deeni environment because of masjid involvement and regular reminders.
That be said, it's a HORRIBLE environment in schools. I am still studying in college so I know. Every where you go, people are in relationships, doing unislamic stuff. Kids start dating at 13 yrs or even younger these days. Goray ppl have the concept of first kiss etc. Lots of trash. Your children are bound to be exposed to all this no matter what. as parents, what you can do is to constantly remind the kid that we do not conform to such beliefs.
When my sister at age 13 joined an all girls school, she regularly came back with stories of her schoolmates claimin to be lesbian. These girls were even sexually active!!! Imagine my horror... Sister is 17 now and thank God she knows what is right and wrong in Islam mA. My point is that kids are going to be exposed to sex, homosexuality, bad words from a very young age, much to parent's disgust. repeat reminders are so important. Remind the kids one and again that we need to distinguish ourselves from the non Muslims and even the Muslims who indulge in bad deeds.
What I believe in : we as Muslims have got a high standard. Why mix with and appreciate low standard people who indulge in terrible haram things?
it's better if kids have a good and decent group of friends. but don't forget that MOST non Muslim kids will at some point have a BGR story to tell or some sexual experience to share with ur innocent child. Sad truth.
sorry for this reply is all over the place. typed fast.
Is there an option where someone can watch a thread on GS. I know some other forums have this so one can return to it for later reference. This is a very informative thread.
At the top of this thread is a bar. Click on the** Thread Tools** button and then choose Subscribe to this thread.
Is there a reason older girls should not be connected to the masjid environment?
I follow the school of thought that it's ok for women to go to the masjid but not recommended, whereas men should be praying 5 times in the masjid as far as possible. My wife and I are on the page on this issue. So that's why I would only bring a daughter(s) to the masjid while she's still fairly young.
I follow the school of thought that it's ok for women to go to the masjid but not recommended, whereas men should be praying 5 times in the masjid as far as possible. My wife and I are on the page on this issue. So that's why I would only bring a daughter(s) to the masjid while she's still fairly young.
What is this school of thought's opinion based on?
Not 'recommended' or not 'required' ? Two very different things.
It is really not a rocket science but it need lot more commitment (and time) from Parents. Unfortunately, for their own entertainment or sometime to get bread to the table, parents are unable to dedicate time to their kids. Here is what 3 things you need
1) time & commitment: There is no other way around it. You NEED to spend quality time with kids on DAILY basis
2) communication: You cant hide things under the carpet. You NEED to have age appropriate discussions with your kids. For example if your kids are reaching puberty age, you have to take it on and talk at their level what is right in general and wrt religion.
3) being a role model: You cant ask kids to "Go do Namaz" and resume conversation with your friend about Friday night program. You have to quit the conversation and go with kid and do namaz. You cant tell kids to not wear "tight cloths" while you are wearing shorts or sleeveless.
if you have to give up your weekly shopping or pedicure trips, or your cricket game or poker night, or that movie that you SO want to watch first-day-first-show then so be it.
It takes a village to raise kids and most of the time, in non-Muslim countries, you have to be that village by your own.
PS: Btw, did I tell you its REALLY fun to have good times with kids?
3) being a role model: You cant ask kids to "Go do Namaz" and resume conversation with your friend about Friday night program. You have to quit the conversation and go with kid and do namaz. You cant tell kids to not wear "tight cloths" while you are wearing shorts or sleeveless.
This is a great point. I'll try to be the best example of what I'm asking them to be myself. Apart from that, I'll have to find a balance of restricting them from the things all other kids around them do.