Something that just occurred to me.. well awhile ago.
Why is it thought that a women who works.. lets rephrase that, a mother who works… her priority is not raising her children?
can the two not go hand in hand?
Re: Raising Children - a priority
They CAN go hand in hand.
But maybe some people think that being a housewife and mother is a full-time job in itself and adding a "career" into the mix...will lead to the former responsibilities being compromised. Perhaps they think that she'd be to exhausted to cook the meal, help kids out with homework, etc. And this CAN happen...although there are women out there who can maintain a balance.
And in some circumstances....a woman might HAVE to work in order to support her husband and family. She doesn't have choice and it would be unreasonable to say that she doesn't have her priorities straight.
Something that just occurred to me.. well awhile ago.
Why is it thought that a women who works.. lets rephrase that, a mother who works... her priority is not raising her children?
can the two not go hand in hand?
Children are always a mother's top priority. No body can go in anyone's head and can check what her priorities are and honestly who is anyone to judge her ? as long as the working mother is not asking for help from you & is not bothering you , then who are you to judge her ? Does she need to tell the whole world how much she loves her children and what her priorities are ? A mother can work for a million reasons in this world.
Yes they can. Its only the manner of thinking.
Kids are always a mother's priority.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
Im just not understanding how people come to the conclusion that if one is working, she cant raise children.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
The way I see it, working mothers put their children's future and material well being as a priority....and I dont think theres anything wrong with that. They may work to provide for a decent standard of living, which may include a good home, good education etc.... some do it to be an example for others, that they can handle house and home...that its okay to have a passion outside the home etc.
Of course there are a few people who make each group look bad....but working mothers do put their kids first, just in different ways.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
Sara, I agree with most part except for that fact that working mothers put material well being as a priority for their children.
A lot of mothers, believe it or not, think that a child can get better education and knowledge in an environment that caters for their age range. I'll be the first to say, that I simply cannot give my child the stimulation she requires at this age at home... as much as she gets from being out in kinder. So here, I am simply thinking about the right way to raise my child. Purely thinking of how I can raise my child to be an independant little being and get the right knowledge she needs.
I simply cannot provide that for her at home. But, i know mothers who can. And they do an awesome job at it.
the point, which I always try to make and probably sound like a broken record now, is that, raising childen does not become any less of a priority to a mother who works, than to a mother whose at home. Both can bounce ideas off each other and build that into their routine. I know I do with one of my really good friends who is a SAHM. And it really helps to listen to how she does things..
Re: Raising Children - a priority
The school in which I am planning to send my daughter (Insha Allah) charges quarterly fee in advance. So each quarter they charge RS 20,000/= from each kid in pre-school. Other schools are more and less the same , they only give siblings discount of 5-10% when there are more than 3 siblings studying in same school. Van fee & other miscellaneous expenses are there too. You tell me how can an average middle class family afford such good schools on one pay check ? they also want their children to go to good schools , they want to feed them well , they want them to go to school by van too etc etc , so if such is the case and the mother decides to work , then what is wrong with that ? The man of the family does not only have to take care of his wife & children , he has parents too & they have their needs too so if wife decides to help her husband and support him financially then what is wrong with that ?
Re: Raising Children - a priority
Me working, has probably less to do with my daughter, and more to do with the fact that I need to work to keep sane.
I need more than just house hold chores to keep me going. I feel the need to have a sense of achievement... and i can see that's in my daughter as well. I dont need to necessarily climb the career ladder, but just to know that I can do somethign well and be appreciated for it, is what makes me happy. So, that's my reason for working. And yes, obviously, if I am working.. it means our living standards might get better... or we can have a better saving plan for the future.
But raising my child, is number one priority.
Me working, has probably less to do with my daughter, and more to do with the fact that I need to work to keep sane.
I need more than just house hold chores to keep me going. I feel the need to have a sense of achievement... and i can see that's in my daughter as well. I dont need to necessarily climb the career ladder, but just to know that I can do somethign well and be appreciated for it, is what makes me happy. So, that's my reason for working. And yes, obviously, if I am working.. it means our living standards might get better... or we can have a better saving plan for the future.
But raising my child, is number one priority.
Reminds me of a family friend. Young woman with three sons (one in middle school, one in elementary, and one in preschool). Currently a housewife, but had said that she wants a job to keep her sane. Don't think she's a bad mother. She's done a great job with her kids....they're MA so intelligent and well behaved. And when at home, she actively pursues her creative/literary goals. If you can balance it, go for it. People will judge you for all things big and small....and those that do are are neither helping you run your house nor raise your children.
Sara, I agree with most part except for that fact that working mothers put material well being as a priority for their children.
A lot of mothers, believe it or not, think that a child can get better education and knowledge in an environment that caters for their age range. I'll be the first to say, that I simply cannot give my child the stimulation she requires at this age at home... as much as she gets from being out in kinder. So here, I am simply thinking about the right way to raise my child. Purely thinking of how I can raise my child to be an independant little being and get the right knowledge she needs.
I simply cannot provide that for her at home. But, i know mothers who can. And they do an awesome job at it.
the point, which I always try to make and probably sound like a broken record now, is that, raising childen does not become any less of a priority to a mother who works, than to a mother whose at home. Both can bounce ideas off each other and build that into their routine. I know I do with one of my really good friends who is a SAHM. And it really helps to listen to how she does things..
I don't mean material as in...materialistic but rather, a quality of life that they wouldn't be able to provide if not for their job. Granted, im talking about middle to upper income families...not in situations where both the spouses HAVE to work just to make ends meet
and anyways, material well being to an extent is okay....money isn't the be all end all, but it certainly helps. anyways i think thats another discussion.. hmmm
you remind me of MASLOW HIERARCHY OF NEEDS 
it’s perfectly fine to work to keep yourself sane. I support it fully :k:
Re: Raising Children - a priority
I know of at least two if not three young mothers that have two or more kids each (all under the age of 10) that believe they are doing their kids a huge service by staying at home with them or keeping them out of pre-school. The fathers tend to agree that nobody can do as good a job as their wives are doing.
These children are unruly, undisciplined and hyper. They are mischievous and constantly up to no good. Granted one could say that a certain amount of these qualities can be found in any kid however, the vast majority of these kids are out of control.
In my opinion the kids would be in a much better state if they were in some sort of structured school/care program where they are forced to socialize, share and adhere to rules.
Are these stay at home moms really doing the best that they could for their kids? I don't think so.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
dey can go hand in hand but still da kid feels neglected at timez wen he or she iz left wid da maid 4 hrz n maidz r nt dependable.datz wat i hav seen around me.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
working mothers are great moms just like SAHMs. different people like to do things in different ways...some people are more motivated and energized when they work so it actually helps them keep up with the children and spend quality time together while others are more relaxed and may like to stay at home and maximize time with children. it really doesn't matter. and no one has the right to look down upon the other or judge the other's choice. desis just have a huge inferiority complex so we like to think that whatever WE chose to do must be better than the other for one reason or another and then find faults in the other to make ourselves feel better. hence all these arguments on GS regarding the two groups. thats all there is to it :)
Re: Raising Children - a priority
it's because traditionally desi men who work rarely gave/give priority to their children ; ) so poor women have to deal with this stereotype too now!!
Re: Raising Children - a priority
you make a good point lifeless.......
and the other point I wanted to make is that some people are just not cut out to be a parent......yet they will not admit this. why not let a trained professional do the job that you are not able to do?
Re: Raising Children - a priority
how does one know htey're not cut out to be a parent?
Sadzz this question has beaten to death but I think that working moms do give priorities to children but their thought process is different which some of SAHM don't understand. And one thing that I know is that when kids are school us moms doesn't do much accept cooking and cleaning,kitty parities, going to gym volunteer in school.Its just some people like it when they are relaxed and some people like it when they are appreciated with their work. Well most of people like appreciation but still some SAHM moms think that its good for their children if they are staying at home and doing effort for their children. We cannot generalize that SAHM moms take care of their children better or working moms.Its just different thought process.
Re: Raising Children - a priority
Sara,
Many folks I know are able to tell me right off the bat that they do not have the patience required to deal with kids. Some of them are very rigid in their ways and just cannot tolerate the kind of bandwidth you need with children (i.e. the ability to let things get messy or allow kids to make mistakes and learn on their own).
These people often turn into parents that allow the TV to babysit while they get on with whatever might be keeping them busy. These are the parents that will choose to feed their kids "Happy Meals" and put soda pop in nursing bottles because it pleases the child.
Raising kids is more than just a full-time job.......and yes, women that do it as well as hold a career down are skilled artists. And while I try my hardest to meet the goals that I have set for myself, I have yet to reach the standard of "skilled artist" in this field.