Re: Raising boys to be good men
I think wane is just used to such discussuons on girls. Controlling them, them being being the izzat, preparing them for their agla ghar, etc...
I can understand disciplining boys is a new concept for him and other men like cm.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
It very much could be a new subject for men like me and him esp considering the fragrant narrowed vision of the discussion and the focus on only the male aspect of the species. But I highly doubt it. After all we are pretty well adjusted in the real world environment with female colleagues and friends.
Thanks Wane. Sorry that i spoke your behalf but it irked me as well when I read it and the question just gave me an avenue to address my irritation.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
i think...... respecting other humans should be the focus......for both male and female kids...
but regarding OP's concern about respecting women........ only solution is that don't have male kids ... there is always a risk they will grow up to disrespect women...... why would you take that chance??
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Do we not read thread after thread here about men who treat their wives/gfs like dirt? guys who cheat on their wives, date and discard girls like used tissues, who would kick their wives out of their homes if their mother asked them to, guys who divorce them/threaten to divorce them at the drop of a hat? Do we not hear about sons who were spoiled by their families and as adults become utterly useless? Do we not hear about men who cruelly beat their wives? the rapists etc? Do we not know of anyone who had a terrible bf/husband (and I'm talking about any ethnic/religious background)? Ya think these men were raised to respect women? If that concept even ever existed in their lives?
Do you think these guys just fall out of the sky? Because I doubt their parents raised them to respect women. Of course there are the exceptions who come from "decent" backgrounds and still turn out terrible, but I highly doubt that of all the examples we see, these guys are all the "exceptions."
I'm sorry if some of yall are decent guys who were raised right but came across some bad females in your life...but denial isn't gonna help.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
And who do you think is to blame for all of that Sara? The mother who else. If the guy is of my age - meaning roughly around 30 and Pakistani, in 99% of the cases his father worked and his mother was a housewife. Meaning a majority of the time the son spent with his mother and his mother was the one responsible for his tarbeeyat. If a man older than 20 does not respect women and does all that you say above there is nobody else to blame other than the parents. Specifically the mother.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Nowadays most of the morality is defined over popular media . If you are not happy with the way men and women treating each other , go sue Hollywood/Bollywood/Facebook/twitter etc etc .
Re: Raising boys to be good men
And who do you think is to blame for all of that Sara? The mother who else. If the guy is of my age - meaning roughly around 30 and Pakistani, in 99% of the cases his father worked and his mother was a housewife. Meaning a majority of the time the son spent with his mother and his mother was the one responsible for his tarbeeyat. If a man older than 20 does not respect women and does all that you say above there is nobody else to blame other than the parents. Specifically the mother.
Accha and father has no other role in teaching his son how to be a good man?
anyways, I truly was wondering what was so offensive about this question...appreciate the explanation.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Of course a father has a role. That as a role model for the son. You know the irony of all of this? Guppans constantly complain about Pakistani guys being mama's boys and then you all say how they beat women, disrespect them and the rest and you don't see the correlation? HELLO! The correlation is as in your face as J-Lo's ass. A mother who shows her son that he is better because of his gender does far more damage than anybody can imagine. If a father does that and a mother puts a stop to it - you have something else. But you get the point.
Honestly tell me did you find my thread insulting? If you didn't I must be really losing my touch.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Of course a father has a role. That as a role model for the son. You know the irony of all of this? Guppans constantly complain about Pakistani guys being mama's boys and then you all say how they beat women, disrespect them and the rest and you don't see the correlation? HELLO! The correlation is as in your face as J-Lo's ass.** A mother who shows her son that he is better because of his gender does far more damage than anybody can imagine. **If a father does that and a mother puts a stop to it - you have something else. But you get the point.
Honestly tell me did you find my thread insulting? If you didn't I must be really losing my touch.
Yes I did find the "feminist slut" very offensive but I still answered your question seriously-without calling anyone a retard-.
But I do see your point and agree with it.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Can't be bothered to read the replies thus far.
I have four brothers and I'd say they are respectful. Two things. My father even with his faults, respects/respected my mother. Second Both parents never made any distinction between my brother's and my sister and I.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Yes I did find the "feminist slut" very offensive but I still answered your question seriously-without calling anyone a retard-. But I do see your point and agree with it.
Then obviously you are a far better person then I. Not sarcasm. I know comments can be made without insulting people, but my threshold for stuff that requires basic common sense is very very low.
Just as you found my thread insulting guys who read this did as well. It doesn't require superman orientated will power or Prof X levels of intellect to raise kids right be it male or female. It simply requires common sense.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
im just wondering though, if a woman was in relationship with a not so decent man that did disrespect the people close to him, yes there are a few men like that too, definitely not the majority, just the few that are not very respectful to their SOs/wives, if the mother took the disrespect and was ok with it isnt she teaching her son that its ok to treat his future wife like that and to her daughter that if a man ever treated her like that to just overlook it b/c all humans have flaws?
yes i guess mothers are the ones that the children are around the most but fathers are equally as responsible in how the children turn out. why do they say that most of the percentage of men that are abusive are like that b/c of how their childhood/adolescence was and how their parents acted?
Re: Raising boys to be good men
CM and Wane:
You are more than welcome to open a thread that discusses how you will raise your daughters to become good wifes/daughters and sisters. But I dont think that discussion is going to go anywhere. Why? Because desi women in general are taught from an early age that this is how you treat your brothers, fathers and future husband. "Achi larkiyan aisey nahin karti, achi larkiyan wesey nahin karti". Boys on the other hand, a lot of times, maybe not in all cases, get away with a lot as kids. As kids, they are treated differently than the girls in the family which gives them a skewed idea of how other women in the world should treat them.
I know that most men on this forum are well-adjusted and know how to treat women well or at least I hope they do. Most of us are in the West and since women here are more independent, men have to learn to respect them. But CM, reading one of your blog posts recently, I remember you talking about how women are treated where you work. So my question is a valid one. How did those men grow up and what values were they taught by their parents?
Maybe kids do already have a sense of what is right or wrong, but somehow in the cases of all the abusive, idiotic men in the world, that sense obviously disappears along the way.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Wait, you already did open a thread about it, LOL. Oh, CM.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Also, for the men who are offended by this thread (
)
If you read the original questions properly, you will see that the question was posed to both men and women…you know thats what parents means.
Since mostly women replied I think it turned into a classic man vs woman life1 crisis…tauba.
And CM, if you are a well-adjusted man who respects women then you should have answered the second question. I dont think you can give all the credit just to your western education.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Second question is rather simple. My earliest memory of equality with my sister comes from my dad. We were in Zimbabwe, and the huge colonial house had this long hallway. We would run down it to greet my dad and he would pick both of us up to hug. Not one by one but together. Or when it comes to my mom Zimbabwe again, we would alternate between getting bite of food. First my sister then me and vice versa. Simple things like that to show that we were equal.
And come one how do you not guess I had already made some foolish thread to make a very simple point while being pompous and arrogant? Its like the sun will rise in the morning it will happen.
Lastly I don't think comparing Afghanistan after 12 years of Taliban rule and 30 years of war with Pakistanis living abroad is fair.