For those members that have boys or someday wish to be parents:
How are you making sure that your boys grow to respect the opposit sex? What kind of values are you instilling in them that you think will make sure they grow up to be good husbands and good fathers?
Also, for men (single or married):
What kind of values were you taught or observed growing up by your parents or extended family that you think have shaped your attitude (good or bad) towards women?
Re: Raising boys to be good men
i think women are paaon ki jooti.......and thats what all men think..........
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Well, first and foremost I’m gonna let Junior play with Barbies. And if it backfires on me and he grows up to be gay…'sall good…cuz those guys tend to respect women better than the straight ones anyway. Got it all figured out. :k:
Re: Raising boys to be good men
treat them like children and not kings.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Don't have kids, but I think it's important for them to have parents who put into practice the values that they want to teach (respect, responsibility, honesty, etc). Instilling a sense of accountability, setting and reinforcing boundaries and consequences so that your child (son or daugther) has consideration for others. I've seen parents who don't do that and it comes back to bite them. Lack of consistency in rules/standards will throw things off as well.
Also, some people hold the view that it's more the mom or the dad's responsibility to build a child's character and I don't agree with that. I think that kids' learn how to perceive and interact with males/females from both parents....so both parents have that responsibility.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
I think if you teach your kids a general sense of respect towards others (regardless of gender, race, religion etc.), that should suffice. Also, SET AN EXAMPLE. Kids dont learn by lectures but by observing you.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
I forgot to mention some other effective tools: the flying chappal, the bailan, and that big wooden spoon thing.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
And I fully intend to march in the parades right along side them as well! 
Re: Raising boys to be good men
On a more serious note, this is a conversation that my husband and I have quite frequently. I did not grow up with brothers, so being a mom to boys is an adventure, to say the least! I have always maintained that I can only get them so far in life....yes, I carried them, nursed them, bathed, diapered, burped, stayed up nights etc....I am teaching them our religion, morals, values, etc, BUT, how do I teach them to be good, decent men? I think they will learn those lessons much better from their father. He is teaching them how to be MEN, not me. I cannot emphasize enough how important that strong, male figure is in a boys life. When I see my husband working on the car, cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn etc, and the boys are tagging along behind him, I hear the innocent conversations that take place between Papa & Sons and it brings tears of contentment to my eyes.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Disclaimer, I don't have kids. Therefore, feel free to ignore me. I think as long as you teach your kid to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" you're set.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Khattichic - :) That's really nice to hear. Not to pry into your personal lives but do you and your husband also discuss how you two treat each other in the presence of your boys? Do you agree that your boys will learn how to treat women from how your husband treats you?
RV, philosophy and HQ, thank you for your responses.
Nomica - since you are the only male that has responded so far, I think it would have been more productive if you had actually answered at least one of the questions.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Absolutely!!! Children learn by example! Alhamdullilah, our boys see there dad open doors for me, carry grocery bags in…they see him help clean around the house…they see him come home with my favorite ice cream, without being asked to!
We are far from perfect…there are times when we will argue in front of them (even though we try no to!), but then they will also see us make up! My hubby is very lovey-dovey and hug & kissy with me, especially in front of the boys. I think that’s the best thing about him…he recognizes our relationship is two-fold..yes, we’re parents, but we also have a rishta seperate from the boys. It’s so easy to lose that part of yourselves when the kids come. We both believe in our own “alone time” and have no shame in using neices, nephews & cousins as babysitters so that we can have our “date nights”. When my mom was still alive, he took me to Spain for a week, just us…no kids…the twins were 1 and our oldest was 3…he said we needed to regain our sanity and reconnect after having 3 kids in less than 2 years!!!
So I hope by witnessing all that, my boys will learn that it’s okay to love your wife, and to treat her as an equal. Maybe it’s because I’m born and raised here in the US, but I don’t want my boys to live with us after their married. Barring any serious illness, my husband and I can take care of ourselves. I want my sons to build their lives with their spouses and treat them the way their papa treats me. 
Re: Raising boys to be good men
wow! only in life 1!
Re: Raising boys to be good men
We should serve te kids and show love and affection until 7 years, then discipline them, and make them dutiful to us until they are 14 , then slowly give them responsibilities and befriend them by the age of 21 , meaning use them for advice.
Honour them by making them lead in prayers, as well as follow ... Let them drive the car while you sit in the passenger seat.
Reason with them from a young age and tell them the importance of respecting their mother.
To treat all girls like they are sisters, tell them that Allah made girls delicate ... So be kind to them and say that women are mothers of nations so treat them all like princesses ... Which is with respect, valour and wherever possible with servitude.
Husbands to respect their wives, sisters and mothers to show this behaviour.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
Disclaimer, I don't have kids. Therefore, feel free to ignore me. I think as long as you teach your kid to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" you're set.
well, I don't have any kids either but I'm curious so I ask. So there's obviously no right or wrong answer. Just discussion.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
For those members that have boys or someday wish to be parents:
How are you making sure that your boys grow to respect the opposit sex? What kind of values are you instilling in them that you think will make sure they grow up to be good husbands and good fathers?
Also, for men (single or married):
What kind of values were you taught or observed growing up by your parents or extended family that you think have shaped your attitude (good or bad) towards women?
respect.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
-invest your TIME in your child. spend quality time with your kids every single day
-teach them morals and try to rid your kid of negative influences that they get from TV/peers
-teach religion to your kids on a regular basis...tell them about it everyday, just a little is enough on a daily basis
-teach them good aspects of your culture
-keep their Deen PURE by telling them what bid'aats have found it's way into Islam...especially the SHIRK part!
Re: Raising boys to be good men
We should serve te kids and show love and affection until 7 years, then discipline them, and make them dutiful to us until they are 14 , then slowly give them responsibilities and befriend them by the age of 21 , meaning use them for advice.
Honour them by making them lead in prayers, as well as follow ... Let them drive the car while you sit in the passenger seat.
Reason with them from a young age and tell them the importance of respecting their mother.
To treat all girls like they are sisters, tell them that Allah made girls delicate ... So be kind to them and say that women are mothers of nations so treat them all like princesses ... Which is with respect, valour and wherever possible with servitude.
Husbands to respect their wives, sisters and mothers to show this behaviour.
Well said psyah.
You mentioned showing respect through your behavior? What do you mean by that? What kind of behavior shows your son that you respect his mother, his aunties and his grandmothers?
Re: Raising boys to be good men
My sons will be sent into the military. That should bloody sort them out about respect.
Re: Raising boys to be good men
My sons will be sent into the military. That should bloody sort them out about respect.
haha :D