Ok, on a serious note I think most people have covered the basics. I think children learn from their parents. Behaviours is the first thing they emulate. So, if the parents are good to each other and show genuine care for each other the kids will pick that up. After that they need to be told the do's and do nots. I know some people say it doesn't work but damn worked with me. I was scared of my dad if I did anything wrong.
P.S I don't have any kids but nephews. So, know my role ;)
Dialogue from an early age is absolutely key. If you can establish this at an early age then they will and should be able to come and talk to you about ANYTHING and this will prove to be absolutely vital when they hit thier teens and are much more passive to peer pressure. They should understand and respect your position as a parent. By the same token, they should also be able able to look to you as a friend/mentor. Unfortunately thats not the case in desi culture - whatever the parent says, goes. Baat khatam. All that is going to do is create a negative stigma for the kids towards the parents - they use fear instead of respect to raise there kids and all that is going to do is push them away.
Ok, on a serious note I think most people have covered the basics. I think children learn from their parents. Behaviours is the first thing they emulate. So, if the parents are good to each other and show genuine care for each other the kids will pick that up. After that they need to be told the do's and do nots. I know some people say it doesn't work but damn worked with me.** I was scared of my dad if I did anything wrong. **
P.S I don't have any kids but nephews. So, know my role ;)
Ok, so let's explore this. You say that fear worked in your case. Do you think your Dad's parenting style will eventually affect yours? will you employ the fear tactic when it comes to your kids?
Ok, so let's explore this. You say that fear worked in your case. Do you think your Dad's parenting style will eventually affect yours? will you employ the fear tactic when it comes to your kids?
I think it's only natural the way my dad brought me up I think adopt certain techniques. I think it's about balance. I don't want my kids to be overly scared so they can't talk to me on a level however, I still want to instil that fear when they are about to do something wrong they will think "what if dad finds out".
My dad rarely hit us boys just the fear alone was enough. My sisters got it easy. Never got hit although mama beat the crap out of us when we did something wrong. Lol.
I think it's only natural the way my dad brought me up I think adopt certain techniques. I think it's about balance. I don't want my kids to be overly scared so they can't talk to me on a level however, I still want to instil that fear when they are about to do something wrong they will think "what if dad finds out".
My dad rarely hit us boys just the fear alone was enough. My sisters got it easy. Never got hit although mama beat the crap out of us when we did something wrong. Lol.
Oooh you bring up a new point!
Mama beatings...do you guys think a mom spanking/beating her son would shape the way he treats/views women as an adult? and how?
Mama beatings...do you guys think a mom spanking/beating her son would shape the way he treats/views women as an adult? and how?
I think it was my dad who instilled the fact we must respect women. For example. I had to clean my own dishes and I would see my dad cook often. Naturally, when you're younger you'd think that is mums job however, the way my dad went about it in a very subtle but effective way paved the way how I interact with women. Mum beatings was like a standard thing. It didn't hurt any more after the age of 10/11. It became routine at times with me and my bros. Dad was the major influence. However, Mum was very 2 sided. If you behaved well you got what you wanted etc if you misbehaved then beatings. Lol.
Kids follow in their parents footsteps. You as a woman and your husband start showing respect to women your kids will follow. If your husband does not respect you as a woman your son won't. You can't instill a set of beliefs into kids if they are not practiced on a daily basis at home.
If I may I will speak on Wane's behalf. What offends him and to an extent me is the notion that an extra effort has to be made to so that male kids respect women. The notion is absurd to say the least but on par with what is acceptable of life 1. Its like a guy saying "How do i make sure my daughter doesn't grow up to be a slut". Its idiotic.
Kids from day 1 have a far better notion of whats fair than most adults do. More over since a vast majority of you are in the West - the education system alone would be enough to have a son grow up to respect women. That is of course if that sense of fair play is not completely washed away in the home environment. Remember it is the older generation of women (mothers, aunts etc) who are responsible for men not respecting women. Not the fathers.
of course women(the mothers) are a big influence on their sons but the fathers are the men that the sons look up to and whose behavior they try to mimic. abusive men saw how their fathers treated their mothers in their childhood and they tend to be the same way with the women in their lives after growing up.
the fathers are what they would see in themselves later in life and the mothers are what they would want in their wives, most men do want a woman that their mothers would approve of so it is both parents that influence the little boy in different ways of course and make him into the man he will be.
If I may I will speak on Wane's behalf. What offends him and to an extent me is the notion that an extra effort has to be made to so that male kids respect women. The notion is absurd to say the least but on par with what is acceptable of life 1. Its like a guy saying "How do i make sure my daughter doesn't grow up to be a slut". Its idiotic.
Kids from day 1 have a far better notion of whats fair than most adults do. More over since a vast majority of you are in the West - the education system alone would be enough to have a son grow up to respect women. That is of course if that sense of fair play is not completely washed away in the home environment. Remember it is the older generation of women (mothers, aunts etc) who are responsible for men not respecting women. Not the fathers.
thanks buddy.
criminalizing men implicitly / explicitly is set in stone for the life-1 population. i can but won't waste my words on this.
criminalizing men implicitly / explicitly is set in stone for the life-1 population. i can but won't waste my words on this.
Where in this thread, pray tell, have men been criminalized???? I don't understand what is offending you......?
Enough with the genaralizations....if you want to go there regarding "only in life1" then I guess it's also set in stone that every female out there is a MIL hating mongrel foaming at the mouth, whose sole purpose in life is to kick the ol women out and become queen bee herself....sheesh...
^ there is a problem with implicit assumption in the question that unless something extraordinary is done to them as kids, all boys would grow up to be animals, disrespecting women at every chance they get.
