quit working for kids

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I’ve always been the top-of-the-class overachieving type of student. I went to school with a full scholarship and finished with a masters earlier than my classmates. I take pride in working hard, staying busy, being productive, dressing up and going out to make a difference in the world.
Then came the children.
Today, I droped my 3 month old at daycare. Then I cried the entire way to work.
I can’t trust anyone else to take care of her the way I would.
I want to stay at home, but I’m afraid of others (perhaps even myself) thinking I’m lazy, non-ambitious, etc.

Anyone been there? What’d you do?

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Re: quit working for kids

Sure, if everything else can be outsourced, why not taking care of and raising the kids that literally are a part of yourself. Obviously, you won’t be ever able to work again and enjoy the fruit of hard labor at work, despite missing out on bonding time with your infant babies; that can be ignored easily.

So please do not hesitate, and go out and make a difference in the world; countless good-for-nothing women out there in the world who spend time with their newborns.

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quit working for kids

Going back to work after 3 months is a little too soon I feel.
If financial circumstances allow I would recommend you stay off work till at least baby is 12 months. This bonding time is so precious. Career can be resumed once kids r a little older.

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Re: quit working for kids

err.. you make a difference even if you stay home and raise your children right. others shmothers.

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Just curious since I know nothing about infant babies…do men not need the precious infant baby bonding time?

They are out working as well… I imagine they would have no bonding with their babies either … :(..

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Re: quit working for kids

Honestly, who cares about others?? People will always have something to say about every single thing.
Just do what you feel is best for your family and your baby. Being a stay at home mom can be the most rewarding thing.

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Re: quit working for kids

I’m wondering whose multi Pwner is, but I do agree with his post.

Why are other people taking precedence to your child’s well-being, etc? I have nothing against women working and more power to those than can manage a job and raising children. But the way I see it…Allah made it farz upon your husband to work and provide for the family; not you. Islam gives you the “right” to work, it’s not a farz. You will be questioned more in regards to how you raised your child. Now if you are noticing that the ladies at day care are not doing the job as well as you can, then you either find another day care or devote more time to raising your child. If you decide to go for the latter, then that means you either quit work or you reduce your hours. You can always return at to work at a later point and do more of the same tasks. But this time with your child…is not going to come back again. So you weigh your pros and cons.

There’s nothing shameful in being a stay-at-home mom and it need not be a permanent arrangement; it can be temporary. You can always return to the workplace at a later point. The workplace is not missing out on your absence. Employers can replace you with hundreds of others who can implement the same skills as you. You’re just another person to them, who can and will be replaced. If you leave, things won’t come to a grinding halt at work. There will be someone else to fill your shoes. But for your baby, there is no one replacement. Raising a child to become a good human being that can contribute positively to society…is no small feat; you’re still making a contribution.

I could understand if there was a majboori such as financial problems and you HAD to work. Heck I could even understand if you were totally and thoroughly at peace inside your heart with you’re current arrangement. But you’re not. In my opinion the reason you cried is not only because you feel your child is missing out, it’s also because you feel “guilt” for placing other people’s opinions over your child. So, you may have to examine why you work in the first place. Do you work for yourself or do you work mainly to receive validation of your self-worth/esteem from others? And why are these “others” more important than your child?

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Re: quit working for kids

It doesn’t matter what others think.

Really think about what you feel is best for you and your family right now, and do that. If you’re doing what you feel is right, it doesn’t matter what others think.

Whether you choose to give up your career or return to work, the decision will be hard. You will face some difficult days either way. Just remember that this is just one phase in your life. Your children will always need you, but in different ways as they grow older.

If you choose to take a break from your career/academics in order to be home with your kids, do look for various opportunities for you to keep this side of you alive, as it is important for your own sense of fulfillment and happiness.

Best wishes to you. Being a mother is incredibly rewarding, but it comes with all sorts of challenges. :hugz:

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Re: quit working for kids

I have exactly the same story. Except that i did leave work when my baby was born. I think you have to decide what is best for you and your family.

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Re: quit working for kids

So sryope: are you content? Do u plan on returning to work ever? How much support did u have from family/friends. In my family, the ppl who want me to quit are the ones jealous of my career and the recognition i get amongst friends for being successful.

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Re: quit working for kids

I went back to work when my son was 8 weeks old and worked until he was about 20 months old. I couldnt think of letting go of my career but then circumstances changed, we had to move for my husband’s job and I decided to take a break for my children. BEST DECISION EVER!

Now mind you, I had a very family friendly job.. my son could come to work occassionaly for couple of hours, I could leave anytime if I had to or I would stay home if he wasnt feeling well.. my boss always told me that family comes first so I had no pressure and enjoyed working while parenting as well.

However, when I stayed home with my son, I noticed quite a few things about him that I had no idea about.. I learned more about his personality.. he was chatting up a storm within couple of weeks..we went to libraries, play ground, shopping etc and I am quite satisfied with how he turned out to be.. It was the critical learning age for him and I am glad I decided to stay at home.. it made a significant difference in our life.

and yes I miss career, i miss dressing up and going to work, I miss being “authority” as my job required, I miss adult interaction, but I have found a nice group of ladies in the community who have toddlers and we are starting play dates, girls night out, and I am taking an online course so it all balances out, alhamdulillah! and yes I do plan to return to work in a few years!

remember you work for yourself/family and you qill be staying at home for yourself and your immediate family.. dont give a second thought about what people will say or think.. this is your life and you make decisions for yourself! You will have good and bad days but good days outweigh the number of bad days :slight_smile:

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Re: quit working for kids

Just like you I didn’t want everyone else to think I was lazy, unambitious etc. So I returned to my studies when my son was only 2 months old, while by law every mother is permitted to almost 1 year of paid maternity leave here. Everything sort of worked out in the greater scheme - but I’ve to say this is one of my decisions, which I still look back at with regret. Not because I did bad academically, I actually did a lot better, or felt I was neglecting my son but mostly because I feel I missed a lot of small things in the most important time. If I had to re-do it I would take the maternity leave or be a stay at home mom for a while if that’s financially possible for you.

I let the voice of other’s opinions drown my inner gut feeling or maybe I didn’t give it enough importance - whatever it was, it’s not something I would do again.

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Re: quit working for kids

I kept on working after having my kids. At that time, quitting my job did not even occur to me. Now when I look back I regret my decision. Even though it is not too late for me now, I still have a small guilt of leaving my kids at the daycare.
I know I just have to live with it and make the most of what time I have now.

If it is possible, (and I believe in Canada, your location, it is possible to take longer maternity leave) take some more time off and decide for yourself, what is more important for you.

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Re: quit working for kids

Wow your employers were so nice. I think you explain it nicely that everything can be done, just that some things can be paused for a little while.

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It is your decision and if you want to stay home and stay home because either way, it isn’t easy and there are moments that are rewarding and moments that might be regretful but the choice should be yours.

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Re: quit working for kids

I’m in the same boat as you, except that my baby is 16 months and I’m still not ready to let him go to day care :frowning: I have an interview coming up and if i get the job my baby is going to day care/home full time. Im still doubting my decision to go back but financially it would help us if we had an added income so I’m trying not to feel too bad about it.

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Re: quit working for kids

16 month is a time when the child is more aware of his/her surroundings. May be your child will not, but most of the kids this age have separation anxiety, your child will understand when you drop him off, most probably will cry more as well because he knows and can understand that you are leaving him. IMO, I think it is more difficult to drop off a 16 or 18 month old then a 3 month old.
My intention is not to discourage you from taking up the job, as I stated earlier I have been a working mother myself.

What kind of worked for me was to find a home based baby sitter. My child was more comfortable because it was a home and she was the only child in the beginning so she got undivided attention from the baby sitter and also lot of attention from the entire baby sitter family.

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Re: quit working for kids

I’m a working mother, with two well rounded kids, Alhamdulillah.

With both my kids, I took time off after having them, in my daughter’s case, I had 14 months off, and with my son, I went back after 11 months.

After having child one, I worked full-time for almost 6 years but with the second I have been part-time so far.

Seeing my kids happy and content and full of love and joy.. I have zero regrets about returning to work and continuing my career. I have dealt with a lot of crap from lots of people, but have realised overtime, people who are not supportive, dont really need to be in your life in the first place.

There were many days, especially the first few weeks after returning to work that I wanted to just quit and stay at home with my babies… but then seeing them both progress and become beautiful little individuals, I didnt want to take that away from them. For me, it was not the quanity of time that I had with my kids but more the quality…

Hubby and I both go out of our way to put our kids first. They will always come first. And I have only worked in places where the people will know that my family comes first… heck if it doesnt, then I wont be working there.

At the end, its your own personal choice.

p.s I always say this, and will say it again… being a working mother doesnt make you a bad mother and doesnt mean you dont give your kids the attention and the love they need. Some of us do a pretty darn good job of balancing career and family. Period

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Re: quit working for kids

Thanks for the advice. I am looking into day homes as well because there are less kids there. Lets see perhaps it will all work out (Inshallah). But i will look into babysitters as well . Im new to the city so I’m having trust issues with people :confused:

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Re: quit working for kids

if you’re looking at daycares at homes… or even babysitters… just make sure your home is completely child proof.

One of the main reasons, for me, to send my kids to a childcare was that I knew the centre was child safe and there was a decent child to minder ratio in the rooms. Make sure you do all your checks :k: