In US, the standard time off after a vaginal birth is 6 weeks and after c-section is 8 weeks. That is hardly 2 months. If I had known better I would have taken FMLA to spend more time with my child. I strongly think US needs to revise policy with regards to maternity leave. Rest of the world has it much better.
OP is going to work when her child is 3 months old.
I agree being a working mother does not make a bad mother but I also think 3 or 6 month baby is very young and if mother has an option, no financial strain, option to keep the job, then why not spend that first year with the baby.
^ not everyone lives in Canada or one of those other countries with long maternity leaves.. in the US, some women dont even get paid maternity leave so 6-8 weeks is unpaid!
so its pretty clear,
no one who stayed home regrets there decision, but moms who worked say if they could have a do-over they might opt to stay home (if finance allows).
thank you everyone, its such a tough decision in today’s society where working is not about making money to support your home its showing the world that you are “worthy” of their admiration.
I also went back to work 3 months after birth of my child ( because I didnt want to give up my career or accumulate a notable gap) but I was able to change my work hours to overnights such that she was under either mine or my husbands care 24 hours.
now that she is 2.5 yrs old, I’ve finally started using a babysitter in my own home and begun to cut back on my over nite work.
I dont work to show the world that I am worthy of their admiration. Actually, I am a bit offended that you actually even said that.
I work for myself, for my kids, for my family.. to give us a better future and because my parents came here to give me an education so I could do something with it.
You’re just reading what you want to read. As do most people
My work is very flexible. I start 9.30 and stop 2. Still it is too much. getting kids ready at 8, cooking, cleaning, washing. for few months of the year i work for 6days and 9 to 7.
If I had choice I want to sit at home and raise my kids. They need me. I need time for them and to do chores and for myself.
my son was 2 months old when i returned work. after few days he was sick and admitted to hospital that was 1 hours drive, my hours were long and 6 days. daughter was attending preschool. I was suicidal. hubby and mum supported me.
it is not easy to do both especially if you have to cook, clean, wash and iron after work and than you will not have time for kids. if possible do one. its better for you and kids.
I went back when my son was 2 months old, I had the privilege of taking him with me. It is not easy even if you have the baby with you. I was also taking a grad class so I was extremely occupied. My husband helped with the chores. I loved my job, I loved getting out of home for my own sanity, so I have no regrets.
New moms need lot of emotional support and I did get lot of that at my work place.
You can carry on with working but it depends where you want to give your children because there are babysitters who cares alot and in Western most of the women work so most of their childen go to crèche. And children lean lots of things there, they lean how to eat, how to talk clearly etc etc..So if you really wants to work then find a good crèche even if it’s a lil bit expensive..You’ll see the time will pass very soon and soon they will start going to kindergarten..
The other way is:
you stay at home for 2 or 3 years.. but after staying 2/3 years at home, it will be difficult to start working again.. and may be difficult to find a suitable job etc… and at every stage you might think.. may be my children need me much at this stage so I should wait for a few years at home and so and so..
I liked what sadzzz said.. I think aap working woman hote hue bhi bachon ko achi tara se tarbiyat de sakte ho, evenings, holidays, weekends me ziada se ziada time unke sath spend karo.. balance rakho dono cheezo main.
Alot of good advise. I left my job that I loved to the core , for the sake of my son. Kudos to women who are able to manage both.
Leaving work was the most difficult decision ever. But as I see it now, it was the best thing ever that I did. The way I know my son , the bond is pure awesome and not even once did it make me feel like I should go back to work. Infact with time, I am more sure then ever that work is something you can always return to. But you might not be able to enjoy your baby’s precious moments ever again , if you miss them once.
All of my energy is now spend in ensuring I provide the right learning environment for my son and believe me its alot of hard work , I see so many motivated mothers here on GS as well who are doing the same. By no means you can say that they are doing nothing special , giving the child a quality life from every perspective is much much much more rewarding then working in an office !
In any case, a child is only going to be asking for your time, until they are little , as soon as they become even slightly independent , you will be the one running after them for a hug or a bit of attention while they go explore the world. Use this precious time with them …
as opposed to working mothers not giving their children a quality life?
where most of us are trying our best to choose our words carefully, I find it sooooo interesting that some of you lot have no issue trying to put another set of mothers down.
You may not have had that intention… so maybe choose your words carefully before posting
Here we go again! how do you manage to twist my words ? can you please take it easy. no one is putting you down, nor anyone, everyone is sharing their experience. Lets stop making it a working mother v/s non working mother issue.
If you read the post again, please try to realize the comparison I am drawing is between my life at work and my time with my child. Not comparing it with other women. Thanks.
I really do salute the mums that manage to balance kids and work. I sometimes wish I had the time and stamina but I know my capacity, and it know I can’t do justice to both.
My day starts at fajr and I am endlessly doing one thing after another and before I know it, it’s bed time… I can’t fathom how I would give my kids the time I do with work
I had the lovely option of no pressure either way. And I enjoyed my baby in his first year to the very utmost. Let me tell you clearly, there is NO one year in which SO many things are learned and so fast, week by week, almost daily, as year one of a child. Soon as he turned one, I resumed my career path. He DOES miss me, but he is so perfectly bonded and more secure than he would’ve been. But more than that, MY life has been so enriched. I swear to you, you learn all about being a mother in year one. You learn BEST then. You learn from scratch.
There are SOOOO many milestones your baby will hit which you may miss out on. His smile, his coo, his neck holding, his rolling over, his pushing up on arms, his standing on all fours, his sitting up, his fascination with his hands, his first ever teething experience, his first illness, his first recovery, his sleeping/waking changes, his first word, his crawling, his standing, his walking!!! omg there are SO many firsts in year one. If you have a choice, do NOT deprive yourself of this.
Most people who are interested enough can easily resume some form of work when kids begin going to school. As someone mentioned, this time is irreplaceable. Absolutely and utterly irreplaceable.
It is a tough decision and if you work to show the world and are surrounded by people who you think are jealous of your success or whatever, I think you may have a tough time when you quit. This is just my opinion !!!
As I stated earlier, your location is Canada where I believe you can take a longer leave without quitting your job.
Take a longer leave and think it through.
I know a girl who also quit her job when her baby was born. She is very much into fashion and all and when she quit her job and after about a year’s break from work, she has gotten into designing jewellery from home and is now working with another designer, still staying at home.
If you have some other passion, that you can continue to work on from home, may be try that while taking break from work.
I did not mean to offend anyone. I was saying this about the decision and our society. Perhaps my worldview is drastically different from yours but I did not imply that moms who work are doing it solely for appreciation or validation of their worth. I meant that for ME, the decision to quit has a little bit to do with this pressure and I don’t know where in society exactly this pressure is coming from. So I hope that clears it up.
Maternity/Paternity policies in the US are some of the worst in the world. There is also no system of follow-up care after delivery like there is in almost every other country.
