Has nothing to do with me. (right).
Would you go for a nice guy…who happens to have a kid from a prior marriage?
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where is the kid now and how old is he ?
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Nah man. Step moms are evil.
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Depends on how nice the guy is
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sure, i think being single male parent make you more sincere, good and sex animal - i mean the guy would be without ding dong for quiet of good time and he is passed coz he have a kid. Go … !
ignore me, never mind !
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Depends on involvement of the mum. If it’s a messy, tug of war then I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.
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yes, I totally would. depending on how much I like the guy, the kid would not be a problem. and I might kinda sorta be speaking from experience of thinking about being with someone who had a child
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it mostly depend on girl in question.. and little less on the kid.
If kid is -5 it 100% depends on girl.
if kid is 10 then like 70%
if kid is 15 then like 60% depend on girl and rest on kid.
So girl is major part of this equation, she should ask her self if she has a heart. It can be a beautiful thing.
Kids still crave mothers.. even when they die. 
So girl can fill in the gap. But she needs a heart.
If girl could not win kid’s heart.. he is going to see her as his dads GF all his life.
Its going to be easier if kid is female, then she would need a mom and woman in house to help her grow up.
Many factors… noble thing to do as well…
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A good friend of mine married a man that had two kids. At the time they married the kids were both under the age of 3. The previous relationship had disintegrated as the wife had carried on with another guy. She had left the kids behind but later fought for part custody.
My friend knew what she was getting into. She was mature and had a good heart.
She really connected with this guy and managed to go through all the struggles with him and his battles.
She now has two sons of her own with him and they share custody of the older siblings with the ex-wife.
Tough road but she managed. She was committed and went in with her eyes totally open.
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Only if the biological mother is dead OR have completely given up all legal rights to the child.
But if the guy shares custody of the child with the mother, then there is no way I’m getting involved. I would not want the ex-wife to be a part of my marriage…which she will be if she’s part of that child’s life. Vacation schedules, holiday schedules, birthdays, medical stuff, school, any type of re-location if husband/I want to move, how the child is disciplined…the list of things that the biological mother can hassle about is endless. The biological mother may not get her way, but nothing can prevent her from creating drama/tension. Husband and I won’t be able to make any major (and many minor) decisions that effects that child without getting biological mother’s approval. Not to mention down the road, she will attend that child’s school/college graduations, wedding etc.
I’ve seen too much drama, tension, and “comprises” that must be made when a 3rd party (the ex biological parent in this case) is involved in child care decisions. Go to ANY forum about divorced/single/step-parents and see all the drama they have to deal with that those of us not in that situation can’t even think about. So no, I would never choose to put myself in a position where there are 3 people in my marriage.
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Nope. I will probably make one of those evil step moms. Why put myself and a kid through something like that?
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they are not inherently evil, they are just not the type for such relation.
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It takes a very generous man or woman to accept a child from their spouse’s first marriage. I’m impressed by those who are open-minded enough to do so, or at least those that do so and are fair and equitable to the children.
But as an aside, what would you say if a future MIL was trying to “sell” the merits of her divorced son’s marriagibility by saying that the new wife need not worry about his kids from the first marriage, because he only saw them once a week and the new wife wouldn’t have to deal with the kids - the father would keep them away from the stepmom.
Oh, and the icing on the cake! The new wife need not worry about child support since he only paid a few hundred dollars per child - so it wouldn’t affect the happily married couple’s finances. Sounds like a prince, right?
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Yeah this is true. In his case, the daughter is in India with his parents, and recently, one year ago, the girls’ mom decided to get involved and fight for custody. They are “powerful political” family, so the guy’s family doesn’t fight them. They handed the child over without a problem, and thankfully the girl’s family is not unjust. They let the child hang out on weekends with the boy’s parents. The guy doesn’t get to see the kid or family much, because he lives in the States.
Just a messed up situation overall honestly. But yes, he would support his child, and he has a total right to do that. Any girl entering into this marriage, needs to accept the child, even if they’re living in India, as their own daughter.
Later on, child may want to come here for schooling, college, etc, and may need help with tuition, financing, etc.
I dunno, the whole thing is just whack honestly. I don’t get why people get into marriages where they haven’t had conversations with the girl prior to marriage. That will be your WIFE, would it kill you to spend time with that person and get to know them??
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Wow…may I ask how old is this child? How often does the guy see his daughter? Even if the child is young right now…as she grows older (let’s say 5+)…does the father plan on bring the child in the U.S. or going over to India more often? I guess I’m trying to figure out what this guy is doing to ensure that the girl gets to know her father.
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This!!!
When a guy says that his child from his previous marriage won’t be an issue or won’t impact his second marriage, because the child lives in another city or the mom has custody - that the father has absented himself from his child’s life, smacks of a selfish turd. I would run far, far away from someone like that.
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Listen to your gut feeling. If your gut says the situation is whack, then move on. A child will complicate things and I don’t mean this in a rude way, but in the sense that you’ll have to be accepting that some of your spouse’s time will be taken up by the child and that you will not be his only priority…his attention/time will be divided…especially in the case where child lives with dad. But in this case she doesn’t. Another thing to consider is that if this is a powerful political family then they will always be conscious of their image…and this can come with restrictions/obligations that you might be expected to follow and you may not be at ease with them.
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Honestly speaking, if I really liked him yes.. maybe..
Otherwise erm no..
(The yes would have to have been in a “normal” situation btw.. no crazy exes or power struggles going on over the poor child)
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No. I wouldn’t even start a conversation (for marriage purposes) with a guy knowing he has a child.
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I typically do not either but he didn’t include this bit in his profile. He says people automatically don’t talk to him. So he leaves it out. And brings it up in the conversation.
I felt bad for the guy. It’s not that he isn’t involved. He just can’t work his long hours plus take care of her here with her being a baby. So his mom took care of her and then his ex swooped in when the kid was 4 and decided to take her back. So they allowed it since she is the mom. And she lets the boys parents take the child on the weekends. He flies a few times in the year to India to see her.
What bothered me more was he said he couldn’t take it when she went into postpartum psychosis. I said…dude, that’s a medical problem.
Tomorrow if I hit my head and develop a seizure problem or intermittent hallucinations he will throw me out too? This girl had her parents to go back to what if she had no one??