Question

Lifestyle Relationships
21

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^ I suppose if it's random coincidence and you weren't expecting to meet them and your husband is at work and isn't able to make it?

22

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Whether or not my man allowed it, I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea unless it was strictly professional. I don't have male friends, any male that has befriended me has proposed dating with the passing of time, so in my experience they have always had their own personal agenda.

23

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Invite them to house when husband is present.

24

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I would not be ok with my wife meeting with one of her guy friends. And i know my wife would never do such a thing. She has couple of good male friends..we invited them at dinner here and there with their significant other.

25

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Definitely not! Lol I would never even SUGGEST/ASK hubby how he would feel about that because it's just not acceptable. In the same way though, he doesn't have female friends and I don't have male ones. We each had acquaintances at uni but following our nikkah we have eliminated all such acquaintances. In this way we are both comfortable.

26

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BUHAHAHAAAA Uzair bhai, there are women like me who prefer confidence over looks. Your analogy is true BUT limited to teens ONLY. Married women have other intense standards.
[/QUOTE]

Looks are even more important to older (25 above) and married women vs younger ones, because they are looking for lovers and sex partners. They may or may not have other intense standards but they're certainly not forgiving on looks. They usually want the best looking guys around only. The type of confidence you want is only found in men who are 8/10 and above.

Married women's lovers are always way better looking than their husbands.

27

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It all boils down to trust, right? My husband travels a lot.. and I encourage him to meet friends, male or female, if he happens to be in the same town as them. I travel for work at times, and have met up with my guy friends then. Just last week I had lunch with a friend because he happened to be close to my office during lunch time.

If my husband has issues with me meeting any guy friend when he is not around - that just means he does not trust me at all and we have some serious stuff to work on. On the other hand, if it's to do with a particular friend.. I would genuinely reconsider my friendship with that person. I trust my husband's judgement enough to know he won't cut me off from friends without reason.

There are lots of opportunities for people today to cheat on their spouse if they want to. Forbidding your spouse from meeting anyone of the opposite sex really achieves nothing. What's stopping them from doing it anyway, and just not telling you? I'd rather know when my husband is meeting other women friends than force him to do it on the sly. It just becomes a bigger deal than it is.

28

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^Totally agree

29

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i) I have plenty of friends who are engaged, married or whatnot and NONE of them have ever cheated on their partners
ii) Not everyone is religious and nor does everyone follow religion
iii) So cheating is linked to having male or female friends? An astonishing claim to make but knowing your overall message in your post I doubt you can back it up.

The ''cancer'' mentality is when people do not mind their own business and think its good to pass judgements on everyone else.

30

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^

It pretty much sums it up.
Is it more common to cheat on your partner with a stranger?

31

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This. I'd give this a hundred likes if it were possible.

I've always thought that the majority of the drama in desi (and afghan) families could be avoided if people minded their own bloody business and left the judgements to God. Oddly enough, the most judgemental people often use religious arguments to justify their behaviour. In my opinion though, it is judging others as if one were God that is rather un-Islamic.

32

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would not have a problem at all. if a wife wants to meet up with her male friend or the hubby wants to meet up with her female friend i do not see a problem at all or anything to be insecure or jealous about. though i would say inviting them all alone at home or going to their place would be inappropriate but going out to a restaurant etc would be fine). Just the person should know their boundaries and limits like in every other thing. and i do not see it as being fair when you want to control who your spouse meets up with (especially when they have been friends with the opposite sex before the marriage too). one should trust their spouse.

33

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I disagree, from what I've seen people use the "to each their own" arguments to justify their behaviour and the people who are most judged are the ones who do something "religious" that we don't.

34

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^ That's not been my experience. I've never heard people judge or make comments about others for being religious. However, I've definitely seen the opposite of that. Every community is different I guess :)

35

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I have many friends that smoke, none of them has developed lung cancer, doesn’t mean the two are not linked.

You may not like to hear it but yes, friendship CAN be a factor in cheating, doesn’t mean it will necessarily lead to it or is the only reason.

BTW just something to consider:

Why Men and Women Cant be friends - YouTube

36

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Even talking to a brother in law or a sister in law can lead to cheating too. Do you want me to post links for that as well?

Does that mean we ban brother and sister-in-law talking or meetings as well? A person who wants to cheat will cheat. They don’t need any incentive to do so.

37

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^LOL, dude, a very oft repeated line of defense. You tell a smoker, it CAN lead to cancer, you should stop it, he goes, well car exhausts are linked to cancer, would u stop all the cars on the roads.

38

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Not really. If you are mentioning one apparentl cause why can't I mention others?

You are attempting to link cheating to male or female friendships when we all know cheating isn't restricted to that at all. You have bosses cheating with co-workers, secretaries, inlaws pretty much every category.

The common denominator isn't a single cause. Its absurd to think that. The common denominator is a person who has no respect for the sacred relationship that is marriage.

As simple as that.

39

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I've seen people being judged for things like having a beard, wearing hijab, niqab etc. and people make all types of assumptions about them without knowing them at all. They'll remember that one person they met who might have behaved badly and then paint all people like that with the same brush. I've seen this in real life and especially on this forum. The thing is nobody really cares when people like that are judged or have baseless assumptions made about them. But if someone questions the character of a girl who's going out with a guy without being married to him, and got pregnant, then all hell breaks loose and it's all "hey only Allah can judge".

40

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^I'll be honest, I've not seen anyone criticising another person for having beard or wearing hijab in real life. However, I live in a rather diverse area where such things are not uncommon and people don't seem to notice. The only place I've seen people comment about another person's religiosity, particular in regards to how it affects the person's "rishta" potential, is on this forum and I'm not quite certain that this is representative of most people.