i was interested in someone before i got engaged but then when i did i became his best friend.. we were pretty close and he followed me around even though he knew i was engaged and now he is interested in my best friend and things are pretty tight.. they apparently love each other and are thinking of marriage done istakhara etc.. whenever my best friend talks about him i feel weird face to face if she asks me or talks to me or on the phone or on MSN.. i feel utter jealousy and i envy her.. what is the problem? is this supposed to be happening or am i supposed to be feeling this way? i cant stand it when my best friend says his name or types it down etc i get boiling mad!
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I know I do regret it but now that i realize both of them are so happy etc i do not want to ruin it for either one of them especially for my best friend as he is not really close to me now.. due to my engagement and the fact that he is more interested in talking to my best friend now...
i dunno why i feel this way.. dunno when i will stop feeling this way
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Your situation is understandable. You messed up when you became his best friend. If you analyze it properly, you are not being sincere with your fiance. Nothing beats the feeling of having a fling going with your crush and at the same time having a certificate of secure future - which is the engagement in your case.
A friendly advice - stop being dishonest with yourself, your fiance, your best friend and your crush. Get yourself out of this situation and focus on your studies/career and your future.
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how am i not being sincere with him? i do love him but just the thought of my crush going to get married to my best friend gets me ticked and i find way to make my best friend not marry him.. i am still in denial i guess.. i am not havin a fling with anyone.. especially my crush.. i have hardly talked to him in few months but because my best friend keeps on talkin bout him i remember him..
i know i should but thats what i want to know how to get out of this situation
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u are just hurting ur self with all this..and both of them are happy..so plzz try to be happy :)..and so Sabar :)..May ALLAH give u sabar and lots of happines.ameen
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i know i am getting hurt but cant help it.. i do need sabr patience to get over all of this heart break and stuff.. the funny thing is if it was not my best friend he had hooked up with it would not have hurt much but now thye are going towards the marriage thing and what if he does get married to her.. i will have to look at him for the rest of my life or something..
sum ameen sister
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but he was never my boy friend or something i just liked him... had a severe crush on him and never told him about it... but he was interested in me.. its too complicated i guess i was scared of telling about my feelings .. wanted to take some time and see if things would work out between us and then mom had a rishta or two over and i got engaged.. everything was in a flutter.. anyways i know i am slowly retreating from him even as friends...
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awww aloo…
..well its not too late…youre just engaged…is your heart in it?? maybe ..if you know he might still care for you, speak to him? sometimes being open is the best…theres nothing wrong..you cant help the way you feel…
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no it is too late i am engaged and he is now full time interested in my best friend and apparently my best friend loves him too.. i cannot wreck all these lives and be selfish.. plus i can never go back to him and tell my feelings to him .. it would be too awkward
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AC - glad you are thinking straight :k:
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..then aloo…let go..i know its easier said than done…but ..dont do this to yourself :(…i can imagine how you feel…dont hang around him much…distract yourself, mix with your fiance…does your girlfriend know how u used to feel about him?
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Sorry but you are on your way to get married and so is he and your friend. The best course of action is to forget him, and you think you feel jealous because he's with your best friend, but I think it is more because she constantly reminds you of him that is preventing you from moving on.
Islamically, it is not right to ask for someone's hand in marriage if someone else is pursuing them. So it would be imprudent to talk to your guy friend about his feelings for you/your feelings for him, and you said that it would be too awkward at this point as well. This is why you should never engage in guy/girl "best friend" relationships- its never 100% platonic, you may not end up marrying, and it always ends up as jealousy either from the friend or from the friend's partner.
well sorry to be all preachy, especially since there's nothing you can do about what happened. Now, give yourself a break from talking to your girl friend for a few days, and let yourself get over him. If you think of him or find yourself feeling jealous, just say astaghfirullah or audhu billahi min ashaitanir-rajeem. I find this very helpful if I need to remove bad thoughts. When you're up to it and you speak to your girl friend again, and she brings up the guy tell her you feel awkward discussing him with her, some things should be kept private between her and the guy. At the same time, I think you will want to know waht is going on. If that happens, tell yourself that the information means nothing to you and repeat the 2 lines. Really mean and understand what the lines are saying (first one is "allah forgive me", and 2nd is "i seek refuge in allah from shaitan the rejected one"- shaitan is bringing doubt to your heart). Even if you aren't religious, use the lines like a pep talk or repeat similar lines to yourself like "don't do this to yourself aloo, you don't need him" or "you've found much better". Think about your life with your fiance. Concentrate on your wedding preps or if you're still in school then your work. Don't let your past ruin your future.
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jaanwar i am glad too i just posted this thread here because i wanted to get some outlet for my feels and frustrations... its kind of hard but i did it..
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nazz i have completely stopped interacting with him do not go to parties where he is or events or anything of that sort and have started to block him from msn etc of course he has noticed it and has asked me by texting me and asked my best friend too if everything is alright with me.. actually everything is not alright.. but will be soon
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snazzy i know what u are trying to say and u are right it is because i am constantly reminded of him by my best friend that i cannot seem to move on...i am alright and i do not even think bout him but the moment i talk to my best friend and she talks to me about him i get all disoriented again..
i did try telling her that she talkin about him to me is awkward and stuff but she says that best friends talk to each other about guys and stuff and u also talk to me about "BHAI" so why cannot i talk to you bout "HIM"
and yeah she knows that i had feelings for him etc... but she says to me no point now as u are engaged nad he wants to marry me...
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I think from your answer, it might be your friend's fault and not yours. your friend might be trying something with you i.e. trying to make you a little jealous. If you already expressed your discomfort, she knows you used to like him, etc, she may feel a bit empowered that she can make you feel jealous. Even if she is your best friend, it's possible for her to get caught up in everything, or she might feel a bit jealous that you're engaged before her. Stop telling her about your fiance, and if she asks, say no i want to keep it private. she will follow suit hopefully. Or tell her you feel like calling the guyfriend up and having a good convo with him like the old days. that should make her a bit possessive and maybe she'll stop. But avoid all this drama, and stop chatting with her for a few days, and repeat those lines. iA you will be over him and you can continue you're happy route!
Good luck!
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well i dont know what she is doing or not doing but its working... i feel bad awkward and boiling mad when she insanely goes on and on and on about him! yeah i should do that... thanx for the advice snazz
if i stop chatting with her would she not realize something's up ? ? i get worried if a close friend does not talk to me for a while and me not talking to her would be worrying? i will miss her, no ?
inshallah and thanx
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Maybe you miss the attention. :k: