you get along great with this gal, you two seem compatible, both are attractive, you have feelings for each other and she’s educated, religious, good family background
but a few in your family have this visible genetic disorder where a couple people in your family are albino or cross-eyed or some disorder that this very superficial world would make a child feel the pain of having.
the family history of this disorder is found out about later on after the relation has progressed so it’s not so straight forward.
would your ego be bruised an intense amount if the woman and her family raised an issue about this disorder being passed down to your future children and the potential risks of it? the gal feels like she wouldn’t want to see her future child in pain…would you and your family as the ladkewaale be insulted that they raised this issue. how would your reaction be?
having feelings for each other doesn’t mean full on love yet. would you reject a girl based on something like this?
family honor is so important to desis, that’s why i’m asking…
no, b4 anybody thinks so, this is not a personal question
Pointing it out is a definite offense. The better way would be to break off quitely.
And this question would also apply to women, why ask only from men?
i know for a fact that if i had such a disorder in my family and it was genetic, even if i didn't have it, i wouldn't feel offended if they wanted to find out what the chances are of the future child getting it and suffering as a result of it. i seriously would not get insulted or ego bruised as a woman, a woman's maternal side does shine through at that time even if she isn't even at that point yet, it's something that needs to be checked and asked about.
hiding it would only make matters worse if the ristha process was gone ahead with and marriage had resulted.
that's why i was wondering if men's reactions would be similar
One of my cousins has vitiligo (only a little patch of it tho) and is going thru this right now.. Even tho it's just cosmetic can't blame ppl for wondering if their future kids/grandkids might end up with it but at the same time I feel so bad for her..
What is the point of raising the issue? There's nothing they can do about it. Either pursue the rishta or don't. But there is no need make an issue out of it.
^agree. I know someone who's slightly crosseyed and people don't want to marry her for that reason because otherwise she is a pretty and capable girl. I think sitting there and saying "your cross eyed and we're scared it'll be passed down to the kids" etc, isn't a nice thing to do. Just simply don't pursue the rishta and thats it.
****ing hell! Of course that is insulting, why is this even a question. And like CM said, I would require genetic testing for the whole family, the family pets plus a DNA test to ensure that the parents are indeed her parents as they claim. She could be the daughter of a psycho serial killer instead, and I wouldn't want my future generations to end up being psycho serial killers.
i can see what sahar is saying but i already mentioned that this is not an arranged marriage situation, they do have feelings for each other and the process has progressed quite a bit, the moving on wouldn't be so easy since the professing of their feelings has already happened.
Um usually, when people are that much in love with each other, they’re willing to overlook some of the things, like you know, vitiligo, acne, short height
Otherwise you know, if you’ve come so far, and now the stuff is bothering you, then you’re not really committed, and you’re a douche. simple as that.
it's that uncertain time of being between full on love to having feelings for each other. confusing time.
the issue is that the person with the family disorder does not have it but the future children will have it or have a pretty big chance of having it. it's more of a concern for the future child.
acne or short height is nothing compared to a genetic disorder like albino-ism or crossed eyed disorder, it's not like diabetes, it's visible to the world and the child has a pretty big chance of getting it, it's more of a question of whether the child needs to suffer with a disorder that will be with it since birth.
in desi society if the child is a girl, there would be close no chance of marriage for her looking at all the strict ways in which people filter based on looks. honestly, thinking it through how many of you men would marry a girl with this? in so many threads, men have said that looks are the first way of weeding out for girls.
"love" doesn't exist for people with such visible disorders. desi men don't run towards girls that are albinos or cross eyed or have vitiligo(sp?) to an extreme amount.
that superficial world can be pretty cruel and nasty
Being cross-eyes isn’t genetic. There are many cures for a child born with a lazy eye or whatever. Simple from closing one eye to surgical intervention.
First things first. You’re in love. You accept the person. You accept the family. If you can do it for a friend, you can very well do it for someone you love.
Second, to be all practical, that is a risk. Life has a risk to it inherently. Even perfectly tall people with no history, can produce a midget child. It happens.
Now, in all seriousness, if you think that is going to happen, then you can go the route of genetically enginereed babies. Many couples, who know that a serious genetic disorder, more serious than albinoism () exists in their families, and they go for genetic counselling. If they decide to have a child, they produce many embryos and out of them, viable ones are implanted. If a couple is deadly serious about being together, they will do whatever is in their power to make it happen.
just been eyeing the potentials 
